Friday, November 04, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Dreamt I invented a font type named "hairy," in which each letter appeared as it would if it were shaved on the back of a hairy man
2. Realized I should probably contact the people at Guinness after a co-worker took what appeared to be the "largest dump of all time"
3. Considered what living in a ginger bread house would do for my sex life
4. Witnessed the worst attempt in the history of parrallel parking...pointed, laughed and continued on with my day
5. Discovered I get a slight twitch in my left eye whenever co-workers ask me to do something that sounds like it would suck worse than dying
6. Wondered when the CEO will read the comment I dropped in the comment box... "I think some exotic dancers would really liven this place up."
7. Tried to figure out how many licks it would take to get to the point where your tongue falls off
8. Made a profile on e-harmony in which I stated I was looking for a "partner in crime", I then went on in blunt detail as to which type of crimes I was looking to commit
9. About lost it when I heard the hostess at our resturant say, "Rimjob, party of two? Your table is ready."
10. Purposely fell asleep with the National Geographic Channel on to see if I'd dream about those weird tribal woman's banana boobs

Fart Flavor of the Day: Lemon Meringue Pie in the middle of a pig farm


Blogger immixmarketer said...

You do realize I have a slight advantage at being first, right?

the sound I make when I thought a fart was gonna come out...but a little more came too.

November 03, 2005 8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

mmm...banana boobs..

November 03, 2005 8:11 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I seriously did NOT appreciate your laughing at my parking fiasco.... c'mon man, it's tough....

November 03, 2005 8:30 PM  
Blogger AKH said...

That font sounds just nasty. If I saw it, I would have to invent a font called wax.

November 03, 2005 10:06 PM  
Blogger purplesimon said...

Perhaps it's more a font for retards to use when shaving words on the back of their heads.

Reminds of a friend of a friend who had the word Queen shaved into his head - he was a fan of the band and was off to see them (post Freddie) in concert.

As if that wasn't bad enough - labelling yourself Queen - the hair around the letter N grew back weird and he ended up with the word Queer shaved into his head.

He deserved to be beaten to death, your honour.

purplesimon out...

November 04, 2005 1:39 AM  
Blogger BadGod said...

Wow. That was fuckin' funny.

Like a retard gettin ran over.

No wait. The retard gettin ran over is more entertaining than this blog is.


November 04, 2005 2:15 AM  
Blogger Yara said...

Well, how many licks does it take? I"m kinda curious

November 04, 2005 6:02 AM  
Blogger Jinsane said...

Can't wait to see how many licks it takes.

I think a gingerbread house would be extremely erotic.

Keg Says: If you tap it, they will come. ;o)


November 04, 2005 6:07 AM  
Blogger God the Almighty said...

Excellent blog my son. I enjoy it thoroughly. You are truly one of my finest creations...

November 04, 2005 6:11 AM  
Blogger Candee said...

hmmmmmm,.... yes I'm considering what #7 would do for your sex life, but if I had my choice of location for the gingerbread house, it would definately be on the graham cracker roof or against the the pretzel stick fence!! I hope not to get green coconut grass stains on my clothing..

November 04, 2005 7:05 AM  
Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

Number 7 depends on what you are licking. Afterwards, it may be necessary to call Guinness and let them know that, too.

November 04, 2005 7:21 AM  
Blogger The Megan said...

that hairy-backed man pic made me throw up in my mouth a little...

but #8 made me LOL... sounds like something I would do... er... um... that is... if i ever got desperate enough to put my profile up on eharmony... also reminded me of a website I came across... pretty freakin' funny.

is it just me, or do these frickin' word verifications just keep getting longer and longer???

November 04, 2005 7:28 AM  
Blogger messedupmuggle said...

ok dude my and taylor still want to know is you hot and sinece you havent told us im thinking ill remind you every day and i like the hairy font... i had a dream i learned to play trombone, zach a.k.a. rat burned down my negibors house and trevor a.k.a. putt gave me the answers to my math homework and then i made out with this hot dude from vermont but i am never inspierd

November 04, 2005 7:52 AM  
Blogger Faithmy said...

I dont know about the gingerbread house, but your tongue falling off should put a BIG crimp in your sex life.

ubcwlxe--sounds like Im trying to pick up a dude and I dont have a tongue.

November 04, 2005 8:04 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Isn't that a shart?

November 04, 2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger marriedman said...

I'm so glad you are back, it makes me nip out.

November 04, 2005 12:20 PM  
Blogger Pete Mitchell said...


Ummmmm....pleasant dreams?

November 04, 2005 1:32 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I had some of my earliest funny tickle-feelings in my tum tum (age 8) thanks to the National Geographic Society.

November 04, 2005 5:40 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Has it occured to anyone that both the 'almighty' god and the 'bad' god are commenting here?

Bry- What are you up to? Are you some kinda wierd cosmic middleground/play land blogger?

**Twilight Zone Theme**

November 04, 2005 5:50 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

Okay I'm LMAO but I have 2 know. Brian, please tell us how in the world you know how large your co-workers dump was...were u peeping?

the sound of your co-workers dump exiting and right before entering the toilet water. EWWWWWWWWWWW....YUK

November 05, 2005 6:51 AM  
Blogger Traceysiobhan said...

Uh, yeah.....

Why were you even looking at the co-workers dump long enought to see how big it was?

''ve got some issues if you stare at other's unflushed poo.

is my verification swearing at me or telling me what I should do?

November 05, 2005 11:59 AM  
Blogger Tammy said...

When a little more comes out when you fart it's called a shart. Don't you know anything??!! LOL

November 05, 2005 3:42 PM  
Blogger Huw said...

Go go go! Patent Hairy!

November 06, 2005 6:12 AM  
Blogger Madame Mahima said...

holy cow..ure hilarious dude

November 06, 2005 8:55 AM  
Anonymous youfuckindumbass said...

I'm confused...when did I say anything about sharting?

November 06, 2005 1:50 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I so just clicked to see how 'dumbass' was and hurt my head. . .

That was so rude. . .

But awfully clever!

November 06, 2005 6:35 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I think a gingerbread house would be great if you were a paedophile looking for a bit of Hanzel and Gretal action.

November 06, 2005 8:53 PM  
Blogger The BLS said...

I started giggling in the middle of class when I read #9... that's so classic.

Great blog, I love reading it. :P

November 07, 2005 8:09 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

you mean you didn't COMPLETELY lose it when you heard "rimjob"??? that's the thing that is guaranteed to make me pee my pants laughing (to the dismay of my boyfriend. no, i will NOT grow up!)

word ver. is pretty tame today. phlxe. borrrring.

November 07, 2005 9:00 AM  
Blogger Candee said...

Just wanted to see my profile pic on your comment page!! Vain, I know. Just can't help myself!

November 07, 2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger American Girl said...

what's scary (or totally cool) about the e-harmony one is that someone will probably respond, whole-heartedly.

what you hear when the hamster is accidently sucked up by the vacuum hose

November 07, 2005 1:34 PM  
Blogger blair said...

#3: Sweet!

word verication: wreselsn
Advice from Miagi to the Karate Kid when he goes WWF!

November 07, 2005 8:16 PM  
Blogger BadGod said...


This blog is still retarded.

November 08, 2005 2:44 AM  
Anonymous Something's Coming said...

Don't say I didn't tell you.

November 08, 2005 8:57 PM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Thats great. Exoctic dancers at work.

November 09, 2005 7:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

That girl Tiffany above me is hot.

November 09, 2005 10:55 AM  
Blogger Calzone said...

Your blog reminds me of having sex with an old lady.

Except not as satisfying.

And at least she paid me.

And she's more masculine.

And has a smaller snatch.

November 09, 2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Knitty Kitty said...

Fart Flavor of the Day: Banal blog mixed with overinflated ego

November 09, 2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

Fart jokes are like mimes:
Easier to appreciate when you're blind and deaf, and/or retarded, or (of course) French.

Formats are like colons:
Better when blown out with a high pressure saline wash.

Highlights are like 3-Day old tuna:
Fondly remembered, but not always worth sharing.

Pondering one's potential sex life is like tampons:
For pussies.

November 09, 2005 11:31 AM  
Blogger TastyMcJ said...


November 09, 2005 11:31 AM  
Blogger jiggs said...

This blog totally sucks.

Wait for it.

Wait for it!!!

What's that I'm hearing? It's the silence right before the...


November 09, 2005 11:31 AM  
Blogger Monkey said...

I hear that fried monkey balls are a delicacy in Thailand. Is this true?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...

I'm just sayin'.

November 09, 2005 11:31 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

yo, the only time you get ass is when your finger pokes through the toilet paper! this blog is horrible.

November 09, 2005 11:31 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

This blog smells more than Phyllis Diller's rusty twat!

November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger TastyMcJ said...


November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You Sir, are less than couth. Uncouth even. Go suck a race horse's dick with heinz tomato ketchup.

November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger jiggs said...




November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger larin von smartass said...

what quirky little observations! you seem almost funny enough to write for Howie Mandel!

fart humor on every post. your origionality astounds me! maybe one day you could expand your "gift" to include things that are actually amusing

November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger Booty J Patrol said...


Banana boobs? You can do better than that.

November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger TastyMcJ said...

I'd Phyllis her Diller!

You know what i'm talking about!!!

November 09, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger Übermilf said...

You're a douchebag.

Wait, that's an insult to a typical douchebag.

You're Courtney Love's douchebag after spending the night with Carrot top.

November 09, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger ginonymous said...

you are the santorum stains on the blogosphere's sheets.

you should be ashamed of yourself!

November 09, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger John, clog hater said...

Only a man wearing clogs would write a blog like that.

November 09, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger Monkey said...

This blog sucks fried monkey balls...

I'm just sayin'.

Note the repetition in my comments... repetition is not funny. Not funny.

November 09, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger jiggs said...

Whoa. Now my word verification really is:


November 09, 2005 11:34 AM  
Blogger TastyMcJ said...

Fart Flavor? Do you sit there in some sort of whack-ass yoga position and fart into your mouth? wtf?

Shit man.

November 09, 2005 11:34 AM  
Blogger MadMondo said...

I was thinking about carving the alphabet one someone's back last night.

November 09, 2005 11:34 AM  
Blogger larin von smartass said...

you are right monkey... repetition isn't funny...

unless it is to insult blogs.

then its hilarious

November 09, 2005 11:35 AM  
Blogger TastyMcJ said...

you are right larin and monkey... repetition isn't funny...

unless it is to insult blogs.

then its hilarious

November 09, 2005 11:36 AM  
Blogger MadMondo said...

Yeah - I've had big dumps after a Guiness but they had a freaky likeness to someone you know.

November 09, 2005 11:40 AM  
Blogger MadMondo said...

My guess is a Gingerbread house would improve it.

November 09, 2005 11:41 AM  
Blogger Monkey said...

you are right monkey, larin and tasty... repetition isn't funny...

unless it is to insult blogs.

then its hilarious

November 09, 2005 11:42 AM  
Blogger marriedman said...

this blog sucks my weenis.

I liken this blog to jodifosterturkeybaster's underwear.

It smells like shit, and tastes like it too.

November 09, 2005 11:42 AM  
Blogger MadMondo said...

you are right monkey, larin, tasty and monkey... repetition isn't funny...

unless it is to insult blogs.

then its hilarious

November 09, 2005 11:44 AM  
Anonymous Nice Try Revere, you twat. said...

10 minutes of insults make me hard!

November 09, 2005 12:05 PM  
Blogger slappy said...

Geez, I don't know what everybody's problem is. I think your blog is pretty funny. Of course, I also think Jay Leno monologues are hilarious. Boy, he sure does like to make fun of that O.J.

But this blog is almost as funny as Leno.

November 09, 2005 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Something's Coming said...

Damn, just like what happened with Lou Reed.

November 09, 2005 12:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can I season your head and use it like a giant ham for Christmas? It's probably of little use to you..

November 09, 2005 1:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

November 09, 2005 3:42 PM  
Blogger blair said...

WOW!! This is the most hate posts I have seen on your blog yet! That guy who said you were almost as funny as Leno, now that was just low.

November 09, 2005 3:53 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

suck my clit you bastard.

November 09, 2005 3:58 PM  
Blogger Zombie Lou said...

Lou Reed loves this blog more than he loves his drugs.

November 09, 2005 5:13 PM  
Blogger jamwall said...

i'd enter this blog through the ass if it had one.

then me and lou reed would enjoy some drugs in celebration.

November 09, 2005 5:51 PM  
Blogger jamwall said...

too bad your blog isn't a chick, because i would fondle its gazongas...

November 09, 2005 5:53 PM  
Blogger Ben O. said...

Funny stuff - I think I was at the same restaurant as that Rimjob guy . . . oh wait that was a joke.


Ben O.

November 10, 2005 10:35 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...


There an awful lot of "Casual" haters out there!

Well, hear this: "Casual" Haters SUCK!

Yeah thats right! I said it and I meant it!

Brian is still really hawt, clogs or not!

November 10, 2005 1:15 PM  
Blogger The Wedding Party said...

holy shit, a lot of people hate this blog now. where the hell'd all this come from. btw, we think it sucks too.

November 10, 2005 2:10 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Muse for your next post. . .

November 10, 2005 7:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

OMG! I LOVE This blog! I look for new posts ALL THE TIME! Brian, don't leave us!!!! Fuck the haters... WE LOVE YOU!!!!

November 11, 2005 2:52 PM  
Blogger Toastmaster Flash said...

wait, is it too late for me to strongly dislike this blog? Mainly I don't like the color scheme, but I'm flexible.

November 15, 2005 1:29 PM  
Blogger kitty said...

who are all these assholes who feel free to go on someone's blog and insult them? really.

November 17, 2005 5:20 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



A片,色情,成人,做愛,情色文學,A片下載,色情遊戲,色情影片,色情聊天室,情色電影,免費視訊,免費視訊聊天,免費視訊聊天室,一葉情貼圖片區,情色,情色視訊,免費成人影片,視訊交友,視訊聊天,視訊聊天室,言情小說,愛情小說,AIO,AV片,A漫,av dvd,聊天室,自拍,情色論壇,視訊美女,AV成人網,色情A片,SEX,成人圖片區





December 15, 2008 12:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...







February 04, 2009 10:54 PM  

Post a Comment

<< Home