Monday, June 27, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Had a dream that I co-stared in an after school special with Tiffany Brissette aka Vicky from Small Wonder
2. Celebrated the 7th consecutive year that old people eating soup is my #1 pet-peeve
3. Conducted a blind taste test and found that I prefer the generic version of Lucky Charms over the brand name, however I chose Pepsi over the generic pop (aka: soda, cola, or aka "Coke" by hillbillies)
4. Pissed off a large amout of hillbillies, but won them back by downloading the Dukes of Hazzard ringtone
5. Met a woman at the grocery store who said she was training for a marathon, but I'm pretty sure she meant to say an eatathon
6. Sent in an idea to the Discovery Channel for "Deadliest Catch: Season II"...in it I told them that in this season, catching crabs is just the beginning. (hookers are not allowed though)
7. Received numerous comments informing me that puntang is not Spanish for pudding (see Sunday's Highlights)
8. Considered what would come after HDTV and trademarked the term "IYFFTV" for "In Your Fuckin' Face TV"
9. Let out a silent fart in the elevator that smelled like mashed potatoes and eggs in a waffle cone
10. Five minutes later, while carrying in groceries, the elevator air was still consumed, I gave some girl who had gotten on before me a disgusted look

52 Comments:

Blogger bren said...

"...puntang is not Spanish for pudding"

lol

June 28, 2005 12:49 AM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

I don't mind old people eating soup. It's when I'm at a restaurant trying to eat, and the old people in the booth behind me feel the need to discuss the wide variety of surgical procedures they've endured over the years. Give me slurping any day.

June 28, 2005 1:05 AM  
Blogger Dreams said...

Got your message.....i have started recently.....Thanks for your comment.....see you.
By the way.....what is puntang ?

June 28, 2005 3:20 AM  
Blogger Lhf said...

Coke beats Pepsi anyday - and I ain't no hillbilly! But both beat out the generic stuff - blech. I hate when old people slurp sodas too...

June 28, 2005 6:10 AM  
Blogger cpwool said...

You sir, are a comic genious

June 28, 2005 6:54 AM  
Blogger Randomnod said...

How do you get pictures on your blog? I've also got a blogger.com account and I can't figure out how to post pictures. Mine is at http://www.niffirgenahs.blogspot.com/

June 28, 2005 7:20 AM  
Blogger poupĂ©e said...

pepsi?
mon dieu...

June 28, 2005 8:13 AM  
Blogger TwistedNoggin said...

As long as they aren't eating MY soup, they may slurp away.

Coke beats pepsi. I often say "soda" but "pop" is what the trailer-ish neighbor girl used to call it. In some local parts, it is a "sodi" as in "yunnasodi?" (you want a soda?)

so tastavision isn't next? Damn.

June 28, 2005 8:15 AM  
Blogger ice_mumu said...

dont worry about farting in elevators. you did it, and you're happy with that!!! what else can you ask for. hehehe

June 28, 2005 8:38 AM  
Blogger carrotpenis said...

Was it robot Vicky or just a normal girl Vicky?

June 28, 2005 8:56 AM  
Blogger jenn see said...

i'm intrigued about the nature of the after-school special...was it on teen sex? say no to drugs? robots are not your friends? don't let daddy beat you?

i must know.

odd postscript: all i remember really about vicky is her ponytail in her shoes, & i think i may be getting the shoes mixed up with punky brewster.

June 28, 2005 9:46 AM  
Blogger RK said...

This could be a highlight of your life:

whowilldietoday.blogspot.com

Urge your readers to look at this, please!

June 28, 2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger Amanda Lynn said...

I'm not quite a hillbilly...you could say hick though seeing as i live in the sticks in the "deep south" of central illinois. but i do enjoy talking in a southern accent at work...it confuses people. goddangit i totally forgot what the point of this comment was! anyways, you are hilarious. pretty sure i could read over your blog a million times and still die laughing.

June 28, 2005 9:56 AM  
Blogger AlmightyHeidi said...

Prozac, beano and Spanish classes and a therapist may help.

:) Heidi

June 28, 2005 12:32 PM  
Blogger Holden said...

What a funny Blog!! Great work!

Dancing With Tears In My Eyes

Matt

June 28, 2005 1:09 PM  
Blogger Gigs said...

also loved your "puntang" translation!

June 28, 2005 2:05 PM  
Blogger superstarjo said...

I totally think you should be published! You've got that quirky GenX humour that people like.

If you need a hint, start by collecting a random sample of your blog material or any other writing and sent it to a bunch of publishers. That way they'll have a sense of your writing style. If they like it, they may ask you to submit more, or they may ask you to meet with them to discuss ideas.

June 28, 2005 2:23 PM  
Blogger Alecia said...

I loved Small Wonder...sigh...

June 28, 2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

I like the Malt-O-Meal Marshmallow Maties. Mmmm! Yummy!
But Pepsi, not so much. Coke is WAY, WAY better! (not coke in the general xerox are copies and kleenex are tissues sort of way- I mean the real deal Coke).

June 28, 2005 3:34 PM  
Blogger Alex Ludd said...

Tomorrow's dream: a nightmare in which you get chased by soup-slurping old people with cokes who want you to get your tv out of their fucking faces.

June 28, 2005 3:48 PM  
Blogger BlackOps said...

Your blog is friggin' hilarious--keep it up!!

June 28, 2005 3:52 PM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

I used to think Billy Corgan, before he was Billy Corgan, was the wussy kid from Small Wonder.

Blake

June 28, 2005 4:26 PM  
Blogger *Natalia* said...

I am kind of disappointed that saying many, many small prayers for no longer living in Lake County didn't make the list. Haha.

June 28, 2005 5:03 PM  
Blogger Delhui said...

#8 is the wave of the future, destined to become an American classic... (and I just about pissed myself oover the whole list:)

Oh... and Coke is shit. Literally. I knew this guy who worked at the factory in the mixing room... ugh. Trust me, don't drink it.

June 28, 2005 6:24 PM  
Blogger Suzanne R said...

I am getting up there in age -- where do I find Slurper's Anonymous? (Or can a slurper be anonymous?)

Very funny blog. Congrats on being on the Blogger page, which is where I found you.

June 28, 2005 6:25 PM  
Blogger the guttersisters said...

Your smartass ways remind me of someplace else...oh yeah, it's our little gutter. Come by for a visit & sit a spell'.

PS... (re: "puntang not Spanish...". A few years back, I saw an ad here (Singapore) for "Poon Trekking in N. India". got a real charge out of that one.

June 28, 2005 6:51 PM  
Blogger The Sexpert said...

your blog is wonderful!

June 28, 2005 7:25 PM  
Blogger Korrektiv said...

Down in the Billy Goat
or up in Heaven on Seven
you could open your throat
and eat from six to eleven.

June 28, 2005 11:25 PM  
Blogger Annelies said...

first of all: funny blog!!!
second: pepsi over coca-cola??? You are nuts!!

June 29, 2005 3:10 AM  
Blogger Jane said...

Interesting blog.. interesting life indeed!

Anyways, regarding your picture posts, I don't understand how your pictures are turning out darker than they are supposed to. I believe you're using the "Hello" program from picasa? If not, try using a different image host or use the alternate "flickr" program (awesome if you're using a mac). Good luck!

June 29, 2005 3:29 AM  
Blogger John Galt said...

I like your dry sense of humor. It reminds me of me...

TimeonTarget.blogspot.com

June 29, 2005 7:55 AM  
Blogger Dreams said...

Thanks for the comment.

June 29, 2005 8:04 AM  
Blogger Sass said...

ewwwww

June 29, 2005 9:17 AM  
Blogger The Dating Doctor said...

Thanks for your blog! It is a great outlet from a long day at work!

Keep spreading the good word!!!

-- Kara

June 29, 2005 9:55 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

June 29, 2005 9:55 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

You know sharks only bite tourists in Florida

June 29, 2005 10:25 AM  
Blogger Just Me said...

Very funny blog, can't wait for the next one.

June 29, 2005 10:27 AM  
Blogger The Shlizz said...

Considering the fact that I am indeed the most amazing person you will n ever meet, I think you should be proud to hear that I fing that you are a very interesting and fascinating speciman. However I find that your immaturity i s getting the best of you. Grill that shit up with diced tomatoes. Oh, and duct tape should not be used as a condomn.

June 29, 2005 10:40 AM  
Blogger ~WolfDragon~ said...

I thought all of them were quite funny but the old people slurping does get a bit obnoxious. Tis why of course they make dentures and polygrip so they can eat other foods as well. LoL J/K See ya!

June 29, 2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger aspire2aspire said...

soda...pop...only yankees say that kind of stuff

June 29, 2005 11:49 AM  
Blogger Ruben said...

People who fart in public should be put on the nations most dangerous terrorist list.

June 29, 2005 12:28 PM  
Blogger marrie said...

I love Pepsi. Wild Cherry Pepsi. Yum.
I like your blog, you're pretty funny. Did you lose your job because you made fun of your boss on it?

June 29, 2005 2:21 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

I feel sorry for the folks in the elevator - especially that girl. :-P

Very entertaining blog, btw. :-)

June 30, 2005 8:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't know about old people eating soup..but the kids on the Campbell's Soup commercial eating soup gross me out every time...

June 30, 2005 9:03 PM  
Blogger antonio said...

it is e great blog

July 01, 2005 4:03 AM  
Blogger DivineVirgo said...

OMG HIIIIIIIIIIIIIILARIOUS! ABSOLUTELY HILARIOUS! Mashed potatoes, eggs, and a waffle cone!!!! roflmao!!!!!!!!!

July 04, 2005 5:41 PM  
Blogger witbyt said...

Lmao, literally, this blog makes me do that... Sad maybe, but oh well, loved the post about the elevator/silent fart/disguested look

July 05, 2005 1:47 AM  
Blogger Poppy Cede said...

I love Deadliest Catch! But, I don't love catching crabs. :)

July 06, 2005 11:34 AM  
Blogger Zija said...

http://www.drinklifein.com

July 07, 2005 8:24 AM  
Blogger girl_in_the_clouds said...

Highlights of my day is a groovy way to blog. Did you know that beef jerkey is Johnny Bravos favourite thing? You know?? the cartoon character> Ok i'll be quiet now.

July 07, 2005 12:48 PM  
Blogger Leigh said...

Jeez oh petes, how have people never heard of puntang before?

July 08, 2005 7:23 AM  
Blogger dawn said...

Mine is -Old ladies eating Chili

August 05, 2005 9:03 AM  

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