Highlights of My Day
1. Avoided a dead squirrel in the road...ran over a bird
2. Drunk and confused, challenged the night door man to an arm wrestling duel at 2:00 AM
3. Tried to make square pancakes
4. Practiced my new fake laugh while in the elevator with the building manager
5. Still had sleep (aka "sleep dust", "eye bugers") in my eyes at 1:15 PM
6. Lobbied for Websters Dictionary to include the word "ginormous" in their next printing
7. Tried to figure out how Montell Williams has looked the same since 1993
8. Caught the best episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ed Donnely, and realizes he has a drinking problem after he bitch slapped Alex P. Keaton across the living room
9. Fucked with a telemarketer...told him I was hiding in a closet with my little brother, and that our dad was getting ready to beat the shit out of us
10. Told my grandma that her chocolate chip cookies might help me get that job at NASA (see # 4)
2. Drunk and confused, challenged the night door man to an arm wrestling duel at 2:00 AM
3. Tried to make square pancakes
4. Practiced my new fake laugh while in the elevator with the building manager
5. Still had sleep (aka "sleep dust", "eye bugers") in my eyes at 1:15 PM
6. Lobbied for Websters Dictionary to include the word "ginormous" in their next printing
7. Tried to figure out how Montell Williams has looked the same since 1993
8. Caught the best episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ed Donnely, and realizes he has a drinking problem after he bitch slapped Alex P. Keaton across the living room
9. Fucked with a telemarketer...told him I was hiding in a closet with my little brother, and that our dad was getting ready to beat the shit out of us
10. Told my grandma that her chocolate chip cookies might help me get that job at NASA (see # 4)
posted by immixmarketer at 10:22 AM
24 Comments:
hey what's up?
i'm new to blogging. i saw that you were in chicago and that's where i want to be. i just don't have any money. any jobs you reccommend me trying to get up there as a 19 year old so that i will have enough to make a living and not be one those bums?
Hey man, someone somewhere looked at your blog right before they looked at mine, so I found yours by hunting them down for sport. It's going on my list. It's friggin hilarious. Cheers.
you are freakin hilarious. love the blog, will come back for more!
Love what you did to the telemarketer. My father in law tells them he is old and lonely and will they stay on the line and talk to him - it is great. Your humor is great!!
you know..i used to be a telemarketer....
and it's still fun as fuck to fuck with them!
Entrepreneur? heh
Oh well, your blog is clever so I'll forgive you of that.
love the blog and what you did to the telemarketer..ha ha ha funny stuff man
Square pancakes....
yum....
LMFAO! Anyone who says ginormous and screws with telemarketers is a hero to me!
I made the mistake of asking for a ginormous Pepsi at Taco Bell the other day and they gave me a cup with a damn bucket handle on it.
hello there... I like your idea of blogging. i'm new at this too, so i'm just seeing around this world.
chauz.
Nice, that's all that needs to be said. Those shirts, also nice.
Hey, me again. Just gonna tell ya, I put a link to your site from mine, hope you don't mind. It'll just make me able to laugh sooner than 'twould otherwise.
yeah anyway here's the link...
Woot!
A woman wanted your babies?
Well, I wouldn't be surprised...
Anyone with drawing skills as awesome as yours is a STUD. lol...
Girls only like guys with skills...
Family Ties is one of my favorite shows of all time. I can’t believe you caught the Tom Hanks episode. I saw a show on VH1 the other day and Boner was commenting on the 1980’s. Sadly, Boner is no longer the skinny Boner we came to know and love.
Also, I can explain why Michael J. Fox grew up to have Parkinson’s—even though he was Alex P. Keaton, the greatest fictional Republican of all time:
http://kimzey.blogspot.com/2004/10/shaky-like-michael-j-fox.html#comments
Blake
New word of the day .... uproarious.
*Your site is uproarious!*
It fits, but it sure doesn't sound as good as hilarious.
Very Witty! Just happened across your blog today, already a fan.
My favorite word? Disgrosting - a cross between disgusting and gross. Been saying it for years.
My favorite telemarketing rouse?? I like to ask them if they're horney, and then tell them that I am.
Good one on the telemarketer. I usually get them to give me all the details of their product and then ask if I can order something totally different. The last guy was trying to sell me a subscription for the local paper. I asked who the writers were, how close the weather forecast was, what cartoons they publish etc. for about 15 min and then tell them I'm not interested in the paper but would be interested in ordering chinese food. Of course, they'll say they are not selling chinese food and you can reply, " really? that's too bad because I really wanted chinese food and hang up"
You can't blame Tom... I mean, who wouldn't use a drunken stupor as an opportunity to bitch-slap Alex P across the room? I know I would. In a heartbeat. And probably even while sober.
i just found your blog and you say/do what i'm thinking.
#7 confuses me too. That and that creepy psychic girl he has as a guest every week.
I'd never thought to tell telemarketers a crazy story like that. I just do the Seinfeld and ask for their home number.
ginormous should indeed be a word in the dictionary. I hear it atleast everyother day I swear.
keep up the good work with Duck Hunt.
You are my hero. Very funny. I loved that episode of Family Ties! And we love exactly the same music and live in the same city. Weird.
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