Friday, July 01, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Avoided a dead squirrel in the road...ran over a bird
2. Drunk and confused, challenged the night door man to an arm wrestling duel at 2:00 AM
3. Tried to make square pancakes
4. Practiced my new fake laugh while in the elevator with the building manager
5. Still had sleep (aka "sleep dust", "eye bugers") in my eyes at 1:15 PM
6. Lobbied for Websters Dictionary to include the word "ginormous" in their next printing
7. Tried to figure out how Montell Williams has looked the same since 1993
8. Caught the best episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ed Donnely, and realizes he has a drinking problem after he bitch slapped Alex P. Keaton across the living room
9. Fucked with a telemarketer...told him I was hiding in a closet with my little brother, and that our dad was getting ready to beat the shit out of us
10. Told my grandma that her chocolate chip cookies might help me get that job at NASA (see # 4)

36 Comments:

Blogger mita foaj said...

hey what's up?
i'm new to blogging. i saw that you were in chicago and that's where i want to be. i just don't have any money. any jobs you reccommend me trying to get up there as a 19 year old so that i will have enough to make a living and not be one those bums?

July 01, 2005 10:53 AM  
Blogger Justin said...

Hey man, someone somewhere looked at your blog right before they looked at mine, so I found yours by hunting them down for sport. It's going on my list. It's friggin hilarious. Cheers.

July 01, 2005 11:01 AM  
Blogger Amanda Lynn said...

to go along with #4...I used to think about what i had just said by mouthing the words to myself when i was younger...many people commented to my mother and father about their child talking to herself constantly...

July 01, 2005 11:07 AM  
Blogger Tara said...

All I have to say is this:
You are fucking hilarious. Keep up the good work.

July 01, 2005 12:03 PM  
Blogger joanelle said...

you are freakin hilarious. love the blog, will come back for more!

July 01, 2005 12:50 PM  
Blogger dixiedarling said...

Love what you did to the telemarketer. My father in law tells them he is old and lonely and will they stay on the line and talk to him - it is great. Your humor is great!!

July 01, 2005 1:05 PM  
Blogger da buttah said...

you know..i used to be a telemarketer....

and it's still fun as fuck to fuck with them!

July 01, 2005 1:38 PM  
Blogger LCRocks said...

Ginormous is my favorite word. Hugenormous is my second favorite.

July 01, 2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

Entrepreneur? heh

Oh well, your blog is clever so I'll forgive you of that.

July 01, 2005 1:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love the blog and what you did to the telemarketer..ha ha ha funny stuff man

July 01, 2005 2:11 PM  
Blogger jellofishy said...

Square pancakes....

yum....

July 01, 2005 2:45 PM  
Blogger "the ONE and ONLY" said...

I jsut found your blog.. VERY intersting... THANX... I hope you made your grandmas day with those comments on Choc' chip cookies!!! ( With her sayin; Im so proud of my baby!!)

July 01, 2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

LMFAO! Anyone who says ginormous and screws with telemarketers is a hero to me!

July 01, 2005 4:50 PM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

I made the mistake of asking for a ginormous Pepsi at Taco Bell the other day and they gave me a cup with a damn bucket handle on it.

July 01, 2005 6:16 PM  
Blogger Cillero said...

hello there... I like your idea of blogging. i'm new at this too, so i'm just seeing around this world.
chauz.

July 01, 2005 6:45 PM  
Blogger Nikki said...

I loved that episode of Family Ties, Uncle Eddie tries drinking cough syrup to get drunk!

Also, I was a telemarketer (only to businesses not homes) for a day and half before I left and never went back. What an awful job. But I put on a fake southern accent and sold well while I did it.

July 01, 2005 9:05 PM  
Blogger Gex said...

Nice, that's all that needs to be said. Those shirts, also nice.

July 01, 2005 11:42 PM  
Blogger Gex said...

Hey, me again. Just gonna tell ya, I put a link to your site from mine, hope you don't mind. It'll just make me able to laugh sooner than 'twould otherwise.

July 01, 2005 11:47 PM  
Blogger jellofishy said...

yeah anyway here's the link...
Woot!

A woman wanted your babies?
Well, I wouldn't be surprised...
Anyone with drawing skills as awesome as yours is a STUD. lol...

Girls only like guys with skills...

July 02, 2005 4:25 AM  
Blogger Heatherism said...

are you the missing pieces from the funny factory ?
don't bother to read my blog because i did it to waste another space on the Internet.
keep rawking !!

July 02, 2005 5:20 AM  
Blogger a-townchica said...

Hey, decided to browse and read ur blog...it was hilarious, but i suppose that word is getting rather mundane...i'm sure someone can think of something better, untill then, just sick with ginormously hilarious. it works for now. ttyl
*me*

July 02, 2005 7:24 AM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

Family Ties is one of my favorite shows of all time. I can’t believe you caught the Tom Hanks episode. I saw a show on VH1 the other day and Boner was commenting on the 1980’s. Sadly, Boner is no longer the skinny Boner we came to know and love.

Also, I can explain why Michael J. Fox grew up to have Parkinson’s—even though he was Alex P. Keaton, the greatest fictional Republican of all time:

http://kimzey.blogspot.com/2004/10/shaky-like-michael-j-fox.html#comments

Blake

July 02, 2005 9:24 AM  
Blogger SmileDragon said...

New word of the day .... uproarious.

*Your site is uproarious!*

It fits, but it sure doesn't sound as good as hilarious.

July 02, 2005 9:48 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Highlight from my Day

1. Sitting here and reading through your highlights even though I had to pee real bad.

You momentarily made me forget that I am hungover. Thanks.

excuse me...

July 02, 2005 11:50 AM  
Blogger jj said...

i think your blog is not good, you are not a funny person.

July 02, 2005 12:51 PM  
Blogger jj said...

but i am

July 02, 2005 12:52 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Very Witty! Just happened across your blog today, already a fan.

My favorite word? Disgrosting - a cross between disgusting and gross. Been saying it for years.

My favorite telemarketing rouse?? I like to ask them if they're horney, and then tell them that I am.

July 02, 2005 1:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good one on the telemarketer. I usually get them to give me all the details of their product and then ask if I can order something totally different. The last guy was trying to sell me a subscription for the local paper. I asked who the writers were, how close the weather forecast was, what cartoons they publish etc. for about 15 min and then tell them I'm not interested in the paper but would be interested in ordering chinese food. Of course, they'll say they are not selling chinese food and you can reply, " really? that's too bad because I really wanted chinese food and hang up"

July 02, 2005 5:02 PM  
Blogger sierraisme said...

hot

July 02, 2005 7:38 PM  
Blogger avrgjoe said...

You can't blame Tom... I mean, who wouldn't use a drunken stupor as an opportunity to bitch-slap Alex P across the room? I know I would. In a heartbeat. And probably even while sober.

July 02, 2005 11:44 PM  
Blogger cranberry said...

i just found your blog and you say/do what i'm thinking.

July 04, 2005 9:06 PM  
Blogger timnayar said...

#7 confuses me too. That and that creepy psychic girl he has as a guest every week.

July 05, 2005 5:17 PM  
Blogger Veeba said...

I'd never thought to tell telemarketers a crazy story like that. I just do the Seinfeld and ask for their home number.

July 07, 2005 10:42 AM  
Blogger matt said...

ginormous should indeed be a word in the dictionary. I hear it atleast everyother day I swear.

keep up the good work with Duck Hunt.

July 07, 2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger real4u said...

HEY, What type of entrepreneur are you? Do you have any interest in advertising for free. www.ads4free.biz

July 09, 2005 10:31 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are my hero. Very funny. I loved that episode of Family Ties! And we love exactly the same music and live in the same city. Weird.

July 13, 2005 7:18 AM  

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