Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Highlights of My 4th of July Weekend

I hope everyone had a great 4th!

1. Thought about all the places I would go if I were invisible
2. Accidentally farted while sneezing
3. Purposely farted 5 minutes later
4. Practiced my first kiss moves on my arm
5. Wondered who in the fuck enjoys eating at Cracker Barrel
6. Got wasted, played BINGO, yelled "Big Money, No Whammy!" after every number was read
7. Argued with a carnie that yelling "Big Money, No Whammy!" in no way could throw off a game of BINGO, mostly because in my opinion, "Big Money, No Whammy!" sounds nothing like "BINGO!"
8. Wore a fake moustache to a 4th of July party
9. Was involved in a physical altercation with a 16 year old for putting in a Bare Naked Ladies CD at the same party
10. Discovered that no matter how drunk you are, 5 bottle rockets in each hand won't fly you to the moon


Blogger ButterFly said...

good god you are my new favorite. can't wait for the next post!!

July 05, 2005 9:56 PM  
Blogger LCRocks said...

Did you get to practice your first kiss moves anywhere else besides your own arm?

Carnies rock.

Did you tell the kid if he had a million dollars you might let hime listen to Barenaked Ladies?

July 05, 2005 10:05 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

So, where did you decide you'd go, Mr. Invisible?

July 05, 2005 11:22 PM  
Blogger Margot Badeau said...

true story: for my 20th birthday, i found myself visiting my aunt in virginia. she took me for the first (and last) time to cracker barrel for dinner. i think by the end of the meal, i had diabetes and obesity.

July 05, 2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

I accidently farted while doing crunches in front of hot chicks at the gym. That sucked plums hardcore. It's hard to look cool when fronks get squeaked out of your anal canal.

July 06, 2005 1:35 AM  
Blogger Doug said...

Wow, first off, your readers are crazy. No doubt some cool people though. Anyway, randomness is a gift given to the funny, you clearly have that gift. Anyway, besides an ego boost, i'm gonna provide you and your lovely readers with two links, one to my personal blog which features some soon to be nasty political debates (should that be your fancy) or if you're lookin for somethin else, maybe you'll find it at me and my pals' super blog.
here's the link to the super blog:


and here's the one to my personal blog:


alright, now hit up both and comment and junk, we love to hear what you've got to say. unfortunately you'll have to do a little work and copy and paste the two URLs into the address bar because odds are they don't show up as links. anyway, thanks for lettin me plug the sites, and i'll see all of ya there.

July 06, 2005 1:40 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Wow, I hope your sites aren't as boring as that "random" post. Kak!

July 06, 2005 1:41 AM  
Blogger BadGod said...

Nice site. Although, I got a site for you

No really, it does. I have a site and it sucks, but I think it is rude to post the link on someone else comment sections.

July 06, 2005 2:18 AM  
Blogger BadGod said...

By the way, if that is a real site, I wanna know. They'll owe me money for the traffic.

July 06, 2005 2:19 AM  
Blogger Trielles said...

as for #10....try 12, it'll get you pretty close :-) Nice blog!

July 06, 2005 2:57 AM  
Blogger Chris said...

Laughing....my sister got me hooked on your blog...you're hilarious. My husband's grandfather enjoys the Cracker Barrel. Maybe it's for senior citizens.

July 06, 2005 3:39 AM  
Blogger Skinny Chocolate Chick said...

likes your blog a lot...i'll be back to read more....

July 06, 2005 3:39 AM  
Blogger shaun said...

yeah i just sorta came here wen i was lookin through random blogs and this is funny shit

July 06, 2005 3:52 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

Hey,I got a better place for you to practice that first kiss.....if you know what I mean. heh. heh. heh.

July 06, 2005 4:57 AM  
Blogger Jolie Lover said...

So that was you I smelled! Gross, Dude! LOL!

I love your blog, man.
You post the funniest shit I ever read!

July 06, 2005 5:15 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Juts think of all the places you could fart if you were invisable.

July 06, 2005 5:22 AM  
Blogger Krissy said...

You're hilarious.. which is good because it gives me something to do while at my horrendous internship, but bad because it makes my blog feel inadequate and I've only just started... thanks a lot

July 06, 2005 5:46 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

Dude, your highlights are hilarious. Cracker Barrel is perfect for truckers and people who want to buy 59 different flavors of candy cane.

July 06, 2005 6:51 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

The Crack-Whore Barrell?

July 06, 2005 6:55 AM  
Blogger Busted Flip Flop said...

It was either a mighty sneeze or you should lay off the gassy foods. Great blog!

July 06, 2005 7:06 AM  
Blogger Erin said...

Yesterday I discovered cat farts go "ffffttt" b/c they lack butt cheeks. Thanks for stopping by my site. I'll be sure to throw as much business your way as I can.

July 06, 2005 8:00 AM  
Blogger Alecia said...

When you played BINGO, did you have a whole collection of troll dolls set out in front of you, lined up for good luck? I hear they work better than yelling, "Big Money, No Whammy!", eh well... better luck next time.

- A

July 06, 2005 8:16 AM  
Blogger One who tries said...

10 bottle rockets oughta do it.

July 06, 2005 9:29 AM  
Blogger Ryan said...

your something else!

July 06, 2005 9:48 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

I have "Big Bucks, No Whammies!" spelled out in letter magnets on my frig. Does that make me a Bingo fanatic?

July 06, 2005 9:48 AM  
Blogger Amanda Lynn said...

pretty sure ive tried something like that with bottle rockets...although i was completely sober. also, if you drill a hole in an empty soup can, stick a fire cracker in the hole, and light it while its sitting in a pan slightly filled with water, it will shoot up pretty far in the air. once again, complete boredom will make you do some random things...

July 06, 2005 10:06 AM  
Blogger jess said...

cracker barrel is a tradition with any church group, I think. I've never been to cracker barrel alone, or just with my family. It's always been with a church group. It's a conspiracy. Because I also can never walk out of that restaurant without having visited the gift shop 4 times, and left with a brown paper bag full of over priced candy. Your blog rocks, btw.

July 06, 2005 10:55 AM  
Blogger Eddie said...

Do you like the stock market? Check it out.

July 06, 2005 11:10 AM  
Blogger Poppy Cede said...

Two things:

I farted while sneezing when on a "date" with my now husband. It happens. I always thought it was a "deal breaker" but when I asked him about it several years later he said he never heard it happen. *phew*

I am listening to Alcohol by Barenaked Ladies while reading your list. Ironic? Coincidence?

July 06, 2005 11:27 AM  
Blogger jenn see said...

i hate the cracker barrel. even their apples are nauseating. how can apples be so heavy?

maybe try M80s instead of bottle rockets...

July 06, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger World Traveler said...

I am glad to know that there are so many in the AACB, Alliance Against the Crapper Barrel. I thought I was the only one.

Once when forced to go there, everyone kept raving about some sort of casserole..I ordered "that" casserole and thought how heinous it was that I had to even order something in fashion.

July 06, 2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Sinizzle said...

Where would you go if you were invisible? I would find Wonder Woman's invisible plane and then I would fly to the moon and come back and not say a word to anyone. Where'd you go, man? Nowhere special. Wink, wink.

July 06, 2005 12:20 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

If I was invisible - and I realize this has never been said before - I would hit the girls locker room.

July 06, 2005 12:46 PM  
Blogger Sinizzle said...

Good idea!!!!!! The women's locker room is probably much cleaner.

July 06, 2005 12:53 PM  
Blogger Ben The Bandana Man said...

u really lead a crazzy life. i'll probably be craking up for a couple of hours.
check out my blog:

July 06, 2005 12:57 PM  
Blogger DavidPoole said...

No but 7 Husker Du's in each hand will get you airborne.

Hope your next 4th is a success!!

My favorite carnie is the Poster Game:
It's crazy it's insane
it's the crazy poster game
the one you stick is the one you win
so get it up and
stick it in!!

July 06, 2005 1:08 PM  
Blogger tik said...

Shoot, if you were invisible, you'd probably visit this blog.

the invisible kid

July 06, 2005 1:31 PM  
Blogger N/A said...

I am just loving this blog...will definately check this one out again! Thanks for making my day a little more uplifting!

July 06, 2005 1:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

stupid blog

July 06, 2005 1:36 PM  
Blogger Chaim said...


July 06, 2005 1:48 PM  
Blogger Veeba said...

Your blog is so random yet so hilarious. I keep coming back for more!

July 06, 2005 1:49 PM  
Blogger Sally G said...

Takes time to perfect the toe thing but once you've got it, you have it for life and it only gets better with practice ...believe me...

July 06, 2005 2:14 PM  
Blogger Gex said...

I flipped my jeep, was almost arrested for leaving the scene of an accident, and almost had my face blown off by two low flying artilary shells. It was a great day.

July 06, 2005 2:43 PM  
Blogger Johnny Menace said...

Your lucky to have made it to your 4th July party after getting into it with a carnie. Unpredictable animals. Half hobo half trucker half red neck.

July 06, 2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

Careful with those sneeze farts.. sometimes they're kind of explosive.

July 06, 2005 5:09 PM  
Blogger BEEF! said...

Truly Gnarly!

July 06, 2005 6:23 PM  
Blogger allison said...


July 06, 2005 7:11 PM  
Blogger Sakura said...

Lol! This is hilarious, 'specially the one about puntang, XD!!!

You have the same sign as me, leo, neat.

July 06, 2005 7:18 PM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

Only Smash Mouth or Everlast would have been a worse musical choice than Bare Naked Ladies.


July 06, 2005 7:22 PM  
Blogger spongemom said...

i really love your blog! your blogs make my day! can't wait for the next one!

July 06, 2005 7:38 PM  
Blogger - said...

Good stuff man, good stuff

July 06, 2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger Horsey said...

Hahaha. That shit cracked me up. I dunno if it was suppossed to but it did.

- Horsey


July 06, 2005 8:09 PM  
Blogger dirty noodle said...

As a real "carnie," (fourth generation family owned business) I want to know where you met your carnie at? Were they at the Bingo game, or did you go to a carnival afterwards? Also, I really liked the Poster Game poem posted earlier by davidpoole. That shits great! I must say to Johnny Menace that there is nothing hobo, trucker, or redneck about me. I'm a damn hot carnie!

July 06, 2005 9:46 PM  
Blogger magenta said...

no time to waste in your day !!!
must write highlights ! hahaha

July 06, 2005 10:09 PM  
Blogger Katie said...

Mmmm . . . fireworks and alcohol . . . that sounds like a 4th of July to remember!

PS: Greetings Fellow Chicago Blogger!

July 06, 2005 11:20 PM  
Blogger Chris Reeves said...

Did you try farting on the carnie?


July 06, 2005 11:39 PM  
Blogger midsummerprism said...

ha!ha!ha! Your life is so totally, way out different from mine! Thanks for making me laugh..all the time!

July 07, 2005 4:44 AM  
Blogger Danielle said...

I Wore a fake moustache to a 4th of July party too, small world.

July 07, 2005 5:39 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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July 07, 2005 6:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


July 07, 2005 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


July 07, 2005 8:23 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nice blog dude. Sounds like an eventful July 4th. By the way, Doug, those sites you posted are really cool! I recommend that everyone here goes to them. I like the sports on the connection too. Here's the link to the sports blog part of the connection:


it's good stuff.

July 07, 2005 8:54 AM  
Blogger Just Me said...

Great blog, You are so random and funny! I keep coming back for more!

July 07, 2005 10:08 AM  
Blogger westcoastgurl said...

i cant stand cracker barrel either. were you drunk when you were kissing your arm?

July 07, 2005 10:57 AM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Wondered who in the fuck enjoys eating at Cracker Barrel

That would be my Aunt Louise...who I swear came back from a vacation to Hawaii complaining that there wasn't a Cracker Barrel to be found on Oahu...she apparently had withdrawal symptoms due to lack of lard intake.

July 07, 2005 7:40 PM  
Blogger niltiac said...

alcohol + explosives = Happy 4th. I had a good time too. :-)

July 08, 2005 6:54 AM  
Blogger R2K said...


July 09, 2005 6:22 AM  
Blogger Lorrie said...

Your site rocks!

July 09, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger The Mad Mugwumper said...

5. Wondered who in the fuck enjoys eating at Cracker Barrel

Terry Ryan

July 09, 2005 9:44 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

a friend of mine puked while taking a crap. that definitely beats out the sneezing/farting combo.

July 13, 2005 10:58 AM  

Never been to cracker barrel, and thanks to you guys, will now give it a miss. Thanks! Your blog is very funny!

July 13, 2005 11:39 AM  
Blogger Running Mistake said...

I think you are hilarious, great blog. HA! I'm still laughing...

July 14, 2005 5:03 PM  
Blogger Just Me said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 15, 2005 8:56 AM  
Blogger HipKitten said...

I'm at work...laughin at your funny stuff and reading it aloud to my co-worker who is bein a slacker, too! Thanks for the hardy har hars!!!! Big Fan tasteless humor!

July 27, 2005 1:52 PM  
Blogger Stu said...

Hey! I work at a Cracker Barrel! Don't think I'm gonna go off on you about makin fun of it though. I call it the "Redneck Ritz." It's definitely a Southern thing, considering they started in Tennessee. Any place you can have catfish for breakfast is weird to me. My wife's family, who is all in WV, loves the place.

Anyway, you're fuckin hilarious! I'll definitely be keepin up with your blog.

Here's a new fart smell for you: skunk mixed with fresh asphalt

August 10, 2005 11:58 PM  
Blogger Doug said...

What a load of cobblers! I could suggest a better place to shove your rockets, but farting is not adviseable

April 17, 2008 12:14 PM  

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