Friday, July 08, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Wrote a letter to Oprah asking for $1,000,000 straight up
2. Thought I saw Rudy Huxtable's friend "Peter" (the fat quite neighbor) walking down the street
3. Got a feeling that tater-tots are on the verge of a huge comeback
4. Continued to narrow down my final selections for a Halloween costume
5. Had a discussion with a complete stranger on the techniques of wiping ones ass
6. Updated my "If I ever see them in person, I'll knock them out" list...Constantine Maroulis moved up one spot this week
7. Adults who read Harry Potter still maintain the #1 spot
8. Substituted gum for brushing my teeth
9. Watched a guy on Cheaters get a sword pulled on him when confronting his cheating girlfriend
10. Practiced doing the robot for roughly an hour

124 Comments:

Blogger cpwool said...

Don't ever critique my posts again. With that being said, wanna play Hop-Scotch?

July 08, 2005 8:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Come work for me...what is your e-mail address?

July 08, 2005 8:52 AM  
Blogger melissa said...

I have to say that I love your blog - no one has ever made me spit donut out of my mouth from laughing so hard, so thanks for popping that cherry for me man.

July 08, 2005 8:55 AM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

I would love to play hop-scotch, but no cheating this time

July 08, 2005 8:56 AM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Popping cherries is just what I do.

July 08, 2005 8:57 AM  
Blogger cpwool said...

yeah, I know Melissa. Brian has that effect on people. Just the other day I was eating a dead baby while reading this blog and I spit that up. That never happened to me before either

July 08, 2005 9:10 AM  
Blogger Allie said...

Cheaters kicks ass.

July 08, 2005 9:22 AM  
Blogger ~*~Sarah~*~ said...

Thought I'd drop you a line. Although I'm all over the xanga thing and myspace, I'm new to this blogspot.
Have a great weekend!

July 08, 2005 9:27 AM  
Blogger Niesha said...

Why oh why? You are truly an idiot and seem proud of it but I always seem to laugh at what you say because it’s funny even if it is disgusting. Do you need and agent?

July 08, 2005 9:33 AM  
Blogger *Natalia* said...

I disagree that taters ever went "out."

July 08, 2005 9:53 AM  
Blogger Gabrielle said...

haha.. i laughed when u mentioned that u did the robot...

do people really do them nowadays???

haha its funny

July 08, 2005 10:12 AM  
Blogger Jaws said...

1. Wrote a letter to Oprah asking for $1,000,000 straight up


Let me know if that works :oP

July 08, 2005 10:30 AM  
Blogger da buttah said...

that show cheaters rocks!

July 08, 2005 10:41 AM  
Blogger It's My Life said...

Oh my lord...that made me laugh so hard. Rock on!!

July 08, 2005 10:52 AM  
Blogger Angelika said...

5. Had a discussion with a complete stranger on the techniques of wiping ones ass

I'm curious as to how many techniques there are.

July 08, 2005 12:08 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

love ur blog...+ ur funny as hell. keep writing!

July 08, 2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger wit said...

this blog is hilarious. i personally liked the part about asking the gas station chick to review your resume...oh lord...my sides...theys a hurtin'

July 08, 2005 12:11 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

I'm totally leading the tater wave. Watch out.

July 08, 2005 12:20 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

angelika:
to many people's surprise, there are like 4-5 ways depending on what hemisphere you live in, and if you learned from an older sibling or parent.
Take me for example: my brother taught me to rub my ass against the wall until I passed out.

July 08, 2005 12:21 PM  
Blogger mamadukez said...

okay, i actually like reading your daily spewings. sorry, my cherry's been popped already however your good for kicks and giggles. keep up the good work.

July 08, 2005 12:37 PM  
Blogger The Other Half said...

i can relate to melissa...watera almost shot out my nose a couple of times!

July 08, 2005 12:48 PM  
Blogger Los said...

Speaking of things making a comeback, I think the word "lickety-split" will make a comeback quite soon.

July 08, 2005 1:00 PM  
Blogger Gex said...

you ever tried to wipe with the off-hand? it just doesn't get the job done.

July 08, 2005 1:00 PM  
Blogger Veeba said...

So who won the ass wiping argument? And what is the right way to do it?

July 08, 2005 1:21 PM  
Blogger Veeba said...

P.S. The Oprah thing just might work. Or at the least she'll give you one of her Hermes bags.

July 08, 2005 1:22 PM  
Blogger Alecia said...

Has "Peter" lost any weight? He really was such a roly poly little fellow...hmm..

July 08, 2005 1:25 PM  
Blogger Sylvana said...

You're doing the robot yet you make fun of adult readers of Harry Potter?

And did Tater Tots ever go out of style? Yum!

July 08, 2005 1:26 PM  
Blogger allison said...

you mean to tell me you don't have a reserved copy of the upcoming Harry Potter? LOL! I totally agree with you.

July 08, 2005 1:28 PM  
Blogger LCRocks said...

like the "get your own tots" tots?

July 08, 2005 1:34 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Hate Dr. Phil ...... Like Harry Potter.......love tater tots.....don't watch much cheaters though, I've only watched it once or twice, funny, but sad and embarrassing, too many emotions for me to watch it. kind of like the shows where people sing kareoke... i end up feeling bad for them. too much empathy

July 08, 2005 1:41 PM  
Blogger hmmmmm said...

Thanks for the laughs. You should publish you "If I ever see them in person, I'll knock them out" list. You got me thinking of my own, and it would definately start with Barbara Streisand.

July 08, 2005 1:50 PM  
Blogger joanelle said...

eating tater-tots while watching Cheaters and shooting spitballs at Harry Potter fans would make a fantastic Saturday afternoon.

July 08, 2005 2:22 PM  
Blogger Sarah M. said...

I didn't know if what was weird to read someone's blog without commenting. So, having read your blog for a week or more now, I thought I ought to do so.

One word: Amazing.

P.S. What are the final selections for a Halloween costume?

July 08, 2005 3:19 PM  
Blogger Heaven said...

I've just been catching up with your blog which is as wonderfully funny as ever dspite the confusing american jargon.

Hasnt 'Dunce'ston or whatever his name made such a pathetic show of himself? What a sad attention seeker. For someone who thinks publishing personal blog details is sad he spends enough time reading plenty! Shame he cant be brave enough to publish his own (doubt any of us would read it mind you).

Get a life 'Dunce'ston and leave others to enjoy theirs without the input of your foul mouthed abusive comments...how sad are you?

July 08, 2005 4:23 PM  
Blogger One who tries said...

I thought YOU were Rudy Huxtable's friend "Peter".

July 08, 2005 5:12 PM  
Blogger Zen Angel said...

On point number 5....


Must be a recurring theme. Check out my blog, Message Board Hell...I wonder if your stranger is the same person who asked the "not so normal question"!

http://www.messageboardhell.blogspot.com/

July 08, 2005 5:18 PM  
Blogger Sinizzle said...

What're have you narrowed your Halloween costume selections down to? I've decided I'm going to be CatMan. Sp err on # 2 (quiet)

July 08, 2005 5:24 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

u have to have the funniest blog ive ever read... practiced doing the robot for an hour??? thats interesting... lol

July 08, 2005 5:34 PM  
Blogger Kellie said...

Would practicing the robot for an hour count as aerobic exercise? Wonder if my personal trainer would by that as a substitute for the bike....

July 08, 2005 5:39 PM  
Blogger spongemom said...

great blog!

don't you like constantine long greasy locks or the impersonating rocker image?...hmmm...there's gotta be someone who shares the#1 spot with him.

July 08, 2005 5:59 PM  
Blogger Ervin said...

hey how do u get 40 comments a day man? how do u get people to read your blog? i gotta get lessons in advertising my blog..

July 08, 2005 8:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yer funny.
Today I posted my first blog...And after reading yours I KNOW I can do this.
You are a funny guy.

July 08, 2005 8:34 PM  
Blogger ltlme said...

I tried asking Oprah for $100,00. I received a "Thanks for your viewership, you're opinion counts" form letter back. Back to my plan of winning the lottery,by playing the same numbers that the down and out guy that buys his ticket with pennies, uses.

July 08, 2005 9:20 PM  
Blogger Veracious said...

Great blog. You've definitley got the Chicago thing going with your witty comments. Love your list and got me doing some thinking about tater-tots. Weird huh? Keep it up cause I'll be checking in regularly and have added you to my blogroll. No worries though I do not know anyone named Duston.

July 08, 2005 10:24 PM  
Blogger Chris Reeves said...

Was peter wearing that red sweatshirt and running out the front door?

http://unfunnybone.blogspot.com

July 09, 2005 12:25 AM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Just the mere mention of Constantine Maroulis makes me laugh uproariously.

July 09, 2005 12:31 AM  
Blogger Beaver said...

Funny stuff man, added you to my links

July 09, 2005 12:31 AM  
Blogger BadGod said...

The Caual Friday is the greatest blog in the world, that's right, THE WORLD. And with your help, we will take it all the way! First Chicago, then Toledo, then the white house!


YEEEAAGGHH!!!

(Howard Dean scream. Or not. Whatever)

July 09, 2005 1:17 AM  
Blogger BadGod said...

Oh, I gotta say I am sorry about that that last post. I think you'd have to start in Iowa, then I think Vermont or New Hampshire. We will take you there, Mr. Casual. Oh yes, we will take you right to the fuckin White House. Or not. Whatever.

July 09, 2005 1:21 AM  
Blogger crowww said...

What????? you saw Peter?!!! Rudy Huxtable's friend???? that little bastard owes me money!

July 09, 2005 1:31 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

Hey, Harry Potter kicks ass. I love your blog - but I find that rather offensive. Besides...You discuss techniques on wiping your ass - where do you get off about the Harry Potter thing?

(the wiping ass thing, I'll add, is hilarious)

<3 MK

July 09, 2005 2:02 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your blog is great...I will visit it again for sure...this is a chicago fan from germany

July 09, 2005 4:53 AM  
Blogger The Dating Doctor said...

Did anyone every see the Cheaters where the guy actually did get stabbed? What a demented show. It's like a traffic accident - when you surf by it you have to check it out for a bit.

July 09, 2005 6:00 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

Pretty funny...

July 09, 2005 6:22 AM  
Blogger dena said...

Being half-Greek I really tried to like Constantine Maroulis. The represent thing, and all that. So, who else is on your list?

July 09, 2005 6:37 AM  
Blogger J. Hi said...

I too am a tater tot lover--eating sometimes proudly, sometimes in secret since 1989. It's good to know I am not alone.

July 09, 2005 7:15 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i m shocked to see dat u have 55 posts! ..Thats really coolll.. thought i shud add on.. loved ur blog.. its kewll.. will try 2 keep readin it..

July 09, 2005 8:42 AM  
Blogger CrazyCarla said...

ur such a funny lil shit...

July 09, 2005 10:19 AM  
Blogger Woman at the well said...

"The highlights of one´s day" is a very good idea. You should try a patent.

July 09, 2005 1:49 PM  
Blogger skillzguymon said...

What I loved most about reading about "Duston" (by the way thats not his real name people, I mean why would you want someone to actually know your "real name") IS that he spends his whole time telling people how they have no life reading a blog, which he is also reading, and then also making fun of the people who have no life, that they actually write in their blog, when he goes out of his way just to create a blog just to leave a comment, so I ask myself who is the real loser with no life. The sadder thing is I bet he visits the site every day jsut to see what new things are being said.

"Duston" (or whoever you "really" are) you suck big hairy balls!

p.s your site is very funny and clever, much props to you.

July 09, 2005 2:50 PM  
Blogger Gex said...

Oh yeah, how are you at the robot? I agree about the tator tots deal. They are, at least for me, a larger than part of my diet than previously.

July 09, 2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger BG said...

"Had a discussion with a complete stranger on the techniques of wiping ones ass"
Interesting...

July 09, 2005 3:57 PM  
Blogger Stefanie said...

I like to walk around my house and pick out things that might at some point give me scabies.

July 09, 2005 4:53 PM  
Blogger Charbot said...

cracking my shit up daily my man
What are the techniques to wipe one's ass?

July 09, 2005 5:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Damn...the one time that I miss Cheaters the sword comes out...

July 09, 2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger nikki said...

i have no clue who you are, i randomly came across your blog, but i must say this post i just read is the funniest, most random thing i've ever read.
now im hooked.
-nikki

July 09, 2005 6:27 PM  
Blogger ralphie said...

I have had that same conversation,the ass wiping. I stand up.

July 09, 2005 7:36 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it?

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it?

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are kind

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are kind of cute also,

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are kind of cute also, can we

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are kind of cute also, can we get some

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are kind of cute also, can we get some more

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love your blog site, but the black background hurts my eyes...can you please change it? Oh, and you are kind of cute also, can we get some more photos?

July 09, 2005 7:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

DAMN!!! Why did it post SEVENTEEN times? Sorry dude!

July 09, 2005 8:00 PM  
Blogger Zonnestraaltje said...

I love your blog site, but the person that keeps repeating the same thing hurts my brain. Can you change it?

July 09, 2005 9:22 PM  
Blogger Chrissie said...

You are too cute *g* Anyone whos wishlist includes a Dora the Explorer pink blucket and shovel... *swoon* What a Guy!

July 09, 2005 9:29 PM  
Blogger Ale said...

Hi, i like those sarcastic and biting blogs...that's "the blog i wanna write" :) u're my inspiration dude :D

July 10, 2005 3:36 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

He posted it so many times to generate traffic to his web page.

What a moron...

Anyway, funny stuff!

How often do you update?

July 10, 2005 8:59 AM  
Anonymous Shane said...

Just stumbled on this blog. Pretty funny stuff. You can check the one my friends & I have done if you want. I think I'll be looking at this one more often.

July 10, 2005 10:48 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Your a keeper!

I'm gonna link you and your gonna like it!

Take Care,

~ty~

July 10, 2005 10:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How do you download the internet?

July 10, 2005 12:35 PM  
Blogger Joanna said...

Your blog is fucking halarious.....I wish mine was half as good as yours!

July 10, 2005 3:19 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

After you wipe do you look at the toilet paper?

July 10, 2005 3:32 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I do.

http://spankinglyhot.blogspot.com/

July 10, 2005 3:34 PM  
Blogger Racheal said...

I would be interested to reading your "If I ever see them in person, I'll knock them out" list.

I do like Constantine Maroulis, though...

I wish my blog was as great as yours.

July 10, 2005 4:43 PM  
Blogger Judith said...

I recently substituted gum for brushing my teeth b/c I kept forgetting to buy toothpaste.

July 10, 2005 6:02 PM  
Blogger alley said...

Great sight. You are officially the evny of all bloggers.

July 10, 2005 6:39 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

I don't think I've laughed this hard in months. And why someone hasn't put you on the Comedy Channel is beyond me. I'm so glad Blogspot has highlighted your page. I'm going to read this when I need to find something to do other than beat the living hell out of my coworkers during the day.

July 10, 2005 8:20 PM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

I wanted to be #100.

Blake

July 10, 2005 10:41 PM  
Blogger silent velcro said...

love the blog.... makes me tingle in my nether regions
xox brig

July 11, 2005 12:28 AM  
Blogger Rayner said...

Did you really write that letter to Oprah???

July 11, 2005 12:53 AM  
Blogger curly girl said...

Do you really play bingo?

July 11, 2005 5:12 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

lol I read harry potter, But I read it to my youngest brother, So If we ever meet you can take a swing.

July 11, 2005 5:17 AM  
Blogger Shelli said...

Growing up in a small town all we really had was a Sonic. We called them "tater-tits". The other day my friend from high school was visiting and we made a trip to Sonic. Guess what we ordered? Yep! Tater-tits. The person taking our order was laughing so hard it took them a while to finish getting our order. It just slipped out! :-)

July 11, 2005 6:05 AM  
Blogger greg8370 said...

one day someone will explain the why any one over 12 reads/watches Harry Potter........

July 11, 2005 6:45 AM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

I always look at the toliet paper...are you kidding me?
I do plan on posting my list of people I would knock out.
I love sex.

July 11, 2005 7:30 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Looking at the TP is, indeed, the way to go. Prevents track-marks. And since you love sex...it's always a plus to be prepared with track-mark free underthings.

July 11, 2005 8:40 AM  
Blogger Derrick said...

WOW! You suck badly man, what are you some sort of wannabe rebel that thinks hes funny cuzz he mentions shit that people dont care about but still think its funny? DAMN MAN! get a fuckin life asswipe.

July 11, 2005 10:46 AM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Ismael:
I like your name...and your beard, your horse drawn buggy, your body odor that screams "worst smelling person ever", your crazy sideburns, your hate for electricity, and so on.

July 11, 2005 11:02 AM  
Blogger marriedman said...

I do not love you or this blog....I am IN love with you and this blog. I think your cute too. How does dinner followed by you rubbing custard on my taint sound?

July 11, 2005 12:39 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Taint nothin' wrong with that.

July 11, 2005 2:16 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

I think that taint comment turned my soul back towards evil.

July 11, 2005 2:38 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

I am satan.....or maybe the guy that hosts "america's funniest home vidoes is" and not bob saget, that new guy. I bet he wants everything to do with my taint.

July 11, 2005 3:43 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Ismael -

Where's your blog, bitch? Easy to talk shit when you have nothing to back it with. At least TCF has a shitload of followers that think he's funny (me included). Now, go back to fucking that dead squirrel in your trailer.

Love always,

Fredo

July 11, 2005 11:56 PM  
Blogger The PurpleGoddess said...

irish setters and pop rocks..interesting..maybe chichauas, pop rocks and Mt.Dew would be ever more interesting...LOL..Awesome Blog hun, it's hillarous:)

July 12, 2005 5:18 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

All this taint talk is turning me on....don't stop...

July 12, 2005 11:00 PM  
Blogger Qivan said...

I'm only reading your blog, because I haven't bought anything to read this week, waiting for the new Harry Potter..........

July 13, 2005 2:13 AM  
Blogger Annecandy said...

I saw that episode of Cheaters with the sword. I laughed because white trash people always have a barrage of bizarre weapons (samurai swords, butterfly knives, etc)and you know it made his day because he had been dying to pull that sword on SOMEBODY.

July 14, 2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger harajukulove said...

It's funny that you wrote that about people who read Harry Potter books....this morning when I got into work, I was talking to someone about the new Surreal Life show with Omarosa and Janice Dickinson...this big fat middle-aged man cuts into my conversation and tells me that I need a life just because I watch a reality show...minutes later, he asked me if I got the new Harry Potter book. LOL! I guess I had a look on my face because he asked "Why the disgusted look?" He criticizes me for watching a reality show and here he is reading Harry Potter. Who needs a life now?

July 17, 2005 8:45 AM  
Blogger Darth Cooper said...

Standing proudly with my new HP book in one hand and tater tots in the other...

July 17, 2005 10:56 AM  
Blogger *jenn* said...

2. Thought I saw Rudy Huxtable's friend "Peter" (the fat quite neighbor) walking down the street

haha. i loved peter!specially the episode where daddy hux was giving all the kids airplane rides then got to him.. haha.
thanks for the memory!

July 18, 2005 9:07 AM  
Blogger panzy66 said...

Howdy-
Nice blog...very entertaining...

July 21, 2005 7:18 AM  
Blogger Faux Prada Girl said...

A little late in coming but I have to throw in my 2cents to prove that a perfectly normal, somewhat sane, and some would say pretty hot woman can read Harry Potter books.

P.S. Love the blog!

July 21, 2005 7:25 AM  

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