Friday, August 26, 2005

Highlights of My Day (First Day at New Job)

1. Asked my co-workers what they did over their summer vacation
2. Let out a muffled "bullshit" during the new employee orientation, they were discussing improper usage of the internet
3. Had a 3 martini lunch
4. Drew a picture of me and my boss holding hands under a rainbow...gave it to her
5. Starting eying out who I would want my "Secret Santa" to be this holiday season
6. Tried to pick out the office slut
7. Took a mental note that I was never officially given a talk on workplace sexual harassment
8. Discovered a red Swingline Stapler in my desk
9. Met a fellow employee, Ron, he used the term super-duper at least 5 times
10. Ron also substitutes the term ".com" with ".comski!"

Fart Flavor of the Day: Eggplant Parm lightly covered with sunflower seeds
Lie of the Day: I would make out with Rachel Dratch to meet Will Farrell

69 Comments:

Blogger immixmarketer said...

No bithcing about the password...
I've done away with SPAM...I think

August 25, 2005 8:45 PM  
Blogger puc said...

congrats on the new job. (i hope that was a sort of thing one would congratulate on) personally, i would be touched if i got a picture of me and someone else under a rainbow. i hope you used crayon. that means you care.

August 25, 2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger Princess Pessimism said...

I want to see the picture you drew!!!

August 25, 2005 8:55 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

I had the WORST Secret Santa EVER last Christmas.

August 25, 2005 9:15 PM  
Blogger ButterFly said...

god you are great.. read to my co-workers and they all died laughing!!

August 25, 2005 9:21 PM  
Blogger Marz said...

I would make out with anyone to make out with Will Farrel.

August 25, 2005 9:45 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

you are ALL over that stapler like Office Space style, aren't you? you better be.

August 25, 2005 9:56 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I'd be the office slut if there were any hot guys. Alas they're all freaks and fuglies.

August 25, 2005 9:58 PM  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Oh God, I think I dated that super-duper Ron guy! Did he get a second date? Not so much. He was a fucking moron-ski.

August 25, 2005 10:02 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Wow, you changed your font. That is so hot!

Almost as hot as that martini picture I'm drooling over right now...

Here's to hoping your Secret Santa is also the office slut...Bottoms up!

August 25, 2005 11:46 PM  
Blogger jimmmer said...

Office sluts rock. You can spot them a mile away, and then when they're right up close too!

August 26, 2005 12:12 AM  
Blogger John Bryson said...

I actually did #4, only my boss and I weren't holding hands and there was turtle in there too.

August 26, 2005 4:13 AM  
Blogger BadGod said...

What do you do at your new job?

August 26, 2005 5:12 AM  
Blogger David said...

LMAO! As always.... I bow down to your razor sharp wit and comedic flourish....

August 26, 2005 5:27 AM  
Blogger Faithmy said...

Sweet. With a lunch like that, you will be the office slut.

August 26, 2005 5:31 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

I hope picking out the office slut improves ya sex life cuz if being fesh meat doesn't...you're doomed homie.

August 26, 2005 5:42 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

fresh...sorry. See I was focusing on typing out those damn laetters on the bottom of screen. Doy!!!

August 26, 2005 5:44 AM  
Blogger LB said...

Wow, a birthday, a new job, new friends you've had a banner week. Did you actually eat chicken parmesan?

August 26, 2005 5:45 AM  
Anonymous Wendy O said...

I think that your friend Ron has seen that skit with Rob Schneider too many times...Ron...the Ronmeister...Ronanowski...Ronorama...

August 26, 2005 6:14 AM  
Blogger the captain said...

My boss replaces .org with .orgasm. He's the office slut.

August 26, 2005 6:21 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

You shouldnt have to look to hard to find the office slut. They can smell fresh meat!

August 26, 2005 6:27 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

I live for those liquid lunches! :o

Good luck with the office slut!

August 26, 2005 6:58 AM  
Blogger BigBri said...

I've read this blog all summer. VERY funny. Please keep it going even as you buckle down in your efforts to excel at your new job...

August 26, 2005 7:04 AM  
Blogger Marina said...

You continue to crack me up. You will definitely not have a hard time picking out the office slut. she is probably already scoping you out for her next conquest. Keep the highlights coming.

August 26, 2005 7:15 AM  
Blogger snavy said...

Good luck with the new job! Did your boss hang the picture you drew on the employee fridge?? She should!!

August 26, 2005 8:01 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

bitchbitchbitchbitch. so there!

August 26, 2005 8:19 AM  
Blogger High Desert Diva said...

Secret Santas...just say "no".

August 26, 2005 8:46 AM  
Blogger Bobby said...

Whoever thought of "secret santas" should have been shot. My guess it was someone who wasn't going to get any presents otherwise.

August 26, 2005 8:53 AM  
Blogger mergrl said...

yes but did you get a desk by the window where you could watch the squirrels along with your stapler LOL

August 26, 2005 8:56 AM  
Blogger The Megan said...

Hmmmm... #6 + #7 makes me think you have plans of becoming the office slut... good luck w/ that... =)

August 26, 2005 9:04 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

Starting a new job on a Friday? What a crappy way to start a weekend :(

I want to see the picture you drew also!

August 26, 2005 9:12 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Hey. I start a new job on Monday. Good news. I will not be the office slut. They get a bad rap. I might get labeled the brownoser though. (was that sposed to be 2 words?)

I didn't even know you were looking. What do you do now?

Do you ever read these comments? and are they as funny to you as they are to everyone else?

Cheers to our new jobs! I get to go to new hire orientation on Monday! I'll let you all know how it goes on my blog if anyone cares. or check out my other blogs if you like.

http://adgb.blogspot.com/

August 26, 2005 10:30 AM  
Blogger awaterpixie said...

That's funny as freakin hell...

I have a BOSS that uses the word...

SUPER-DE-DUPER-NESS

whenever he uses it around me I feel like I need to ask for my kindergarten snack and a nap...

blah

August 26, 2005 11:13 AM  
Blogger Teacher George said...

Milton is the most hilarious mofo ever!

August 26, 2005 11:38 AM  
Blogger msbrooksie said...

I was spammed 23 times in one day and fixed it by word verification!

I hear ya!

I like this Fridays post and I'm going to take your stapler!

August 26, 2005 2:10 PM  
Blogger AKH said...

improper usage of the internet

is just code for minimize it when your superior walks by. Why else do companies have DSL? MP3's and movies that's why!

August 26, 2005 3:33 PM  
Blogger LBseahag said...

So you saw me, huh, and how did you know I was a slut?

August 26, 2005 3:34 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

That's what I like to see, A productive, well spent, first day on the job. Think you made a good impression? I vote HELL YEA!!

August 26, 2005 5:00 PM  
Anonymous Andrea said...

i come here to smile, great site ;)

August 26, 2005 5:00 PM  
Blogger allison said...

comski! oh my god. i want to know that guy......i bet he's really interesting with a few cocktails in his system.

August 26, 2005 5:15 PM  
Blogger blair said...

Just don't have three martinis and try to figure out the word verification!

August 26, 2005 6:57 PM  
Blogger blair said...

Sorry... I couldn't resist

August 26, 2005 6:58 PM  
Blogger Design Goddess said...

Hopefully they'll actually pay you at this new place of employment and won't just keep moving your "office space" around. :)

August 26, 2005 7:13 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Okay, I miss the meat ads.

Though, a Bing Bong table sounds kinda kinky. I just might have to check that particular advertisement out...AND it comes with balls...

August 26, 2005 10:35 PM  
Blogger Cupcake said...

I read your stuff every day for a grin. Today I shared it with the entire office.
You now have 15 new fans.
Keep it up, Boy Friday.

August 26, 2005 11:05 PM  
Blogger Maile said...

Office slut - ha! That got an LOL from me. I work from home so I guess that makes me the office slut here.

August 26, 2005 11:24 PM  
Blogger David Earls said...

Um, I belieeve dat you ave my staplur. Et waas a uh, red swingluine. I wud lik it bak pluese.

Dank yu.

August 26, 2005 11:45 PM  
Blogger BushCheney08 said...

immixmarketer: you too? there has been spam explosions on my blog. I'd like to get to the bottom of it.

August 27, 2005 12:35 AM  
Blogger Publisher, The Whited News said...

I think I'm going to draw a similar picture for my boss on Monday. I'll let you know about her reaction. I can't wait. I'll probably work on it all weekend.

August 27, 2005 7:06 AM  
Blogger mofo said...

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I found it while I was visiting a site about colostomys.

Come check out my site about A Man Set On World Domination

August 27, 2005 7:28 AM  
Blogger Carlyjayjay said...

I will not rest, eat or sleep until the link for the Swingline Stapler works.

You cruel bastard.

August 27, 2005 8:23 AM  
Blogger Johnny Menace said...

You should follow Ron around for the day.

August 27, 2005 9:44 AM  
Blogger The Orchestrator said...

Wow I get the sexual harassment talk every year at my school, personally. I love the word verification, gotta keep out those blind people.

August 27, 2005 2:26 PM  
Blogger chele said...

Congrats on the new job. I start my new job on Monday. Love your blog -- you have very interesting days. Thanks for the laughs.

August 27, 2005 3:08 PM  
Blogger Michele's Mumblings said...

So , what did all your workmates do for their summer vacations? We went to North Myrtle Beach. Maybe you could link to your new company's site for extra credit cause those drawings are gonna start taking up a lot of time.

< whispers >The password is "tdqmoi" < /whispers >

August 27, 2005 5:05 PM  
Blogger \ ang \ said...

fart flavor - hm, i like the ring to that.

August 27, 2005 9:36 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

1. I agree with marz- I would make out with anyone to meet Will Farrel.
2. Awww, come on! Your not the office slut!?
3. Improper use of the internet. . . they CLEARLY haven't gotten to know you yet!
4. I wish Will Farrel was my office slut. . .
5. Um. . . I have nothing else to say. . . wait. . . .
6. Nope thats it.

August 28, 2005 12:30 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I think Will Ferrell is hilarious. But, he's so not my type. I wouldn't even make out with him to get to Amy Poehler.

God, I love Amy Poehler. I might be willing to make out with Rachel Dratch to get to her though. But, I'd really have to think about it.

Now, I'd definitely do Jimmy Fallon to get to Amy.

And let's not talk about Tina Fey. I'd do just about anybody to get to her. Even, possibly, Will Ferrell. Those glasses...

August 28, 2005 2:43 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Good Luck with the new job..sounds like youre settling right in..nothing like getting that first day crap out of the way. Nice touch with the picture for the boss..

August 28, 2005 3:13 PM  
Blogger Yaz said...

I almost shat myself laughing. I heart you!

August 28, 2005 3:26 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

EVERYONE!!!

Go to MTV and vote for GREEN DAY!!!!

If you need the link, I've posted it!!

Vote for Green Day to get the Viewers Choice Award tonight at the Video Music Awards in Miami!


GO GREEN DAY!!!!

August 28, 2005 3:29 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

yaz, I heart that you said "shat".

August 28, 2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

Is Ron's last name Flanders? A relative of Ned's perhaps?

August 28, 2005 7:02 PM  
Blogger Earl Jenkin™ said...

I hate the way my asshole feels after a shit, I feel uncomfortable for about ten minutes after.I hate taking a dump.

August 28, 2005 7:21 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I'm sorry, TY.

But, my vote is going to My Chemical Romance. That boy is smokingly hot. And the vid is pretty coolass too. I dig on their style and what they're doing with the genre. They draw from so many different musical influences, I think they're very deserving.

Don't get me wrong, I love Green Day and they've done wonders with this album. But, I don't think it's anything all that fresh. Granted, they are delivering a helluva message with this concept and I respect that heaps. They've had some great vids from that album too. The girls at the end of the Holiday video are hot as fuck. Green Day would definitely be my second choice.

However, my guess is it's goin' to Snoop.

August 28, 2005 8:00 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Your boys won, TY! Yay!!

Snoop looked none too happy.

MCR's performance immediately prior was the shit though. And at the end Gerard dedicated it to his Grandma. Awww.... Too hot.

August 28, 2005 8:10 PM  
Blogger CHUYS said...

Congratulations dude! and isn't it voodoo is so cute? yeah, she's married, I know!

August 28, 2005 8:28 PM  
Blogger bricotrout said...

highlite #5 of my day: finding this blog
btw, i am a part time pack mule on will ferrells new movie (high wide and handsome) produce me an intoxicated tina fey and ill make sure youre pressing palms with will as soon as im done!
(thanks to doctor minta for linking you)

August 29, 2005 7:57 AM  
Blogger Kels said...

You rock. :)

August 31, 2005 6:45 AM  

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