Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Had a brain fart which was immediately followed by a real fart (see below for flavor)
2. Watched the Weather Channel for 12 hours in a row...memorized the weekend outlook for 15 major cities
3. Wondered if jet streams are caused by jets
4. Let my neighbors dog out...totally ignored the huge pile of shit on the living room floor
5. Got a phone call about some contest I entered last month using the name Herby Versmelz..."Hi may I speak with Herby Versmelz?" say it a few times
6. Told a taxi driver to take me to every Starbucks in the city...he said..."You quit fucking around now..and tell Icmabala where you want to go."
7. Met a taxi driver who refers to himself in third person
8. Started a new hobby of looking for people who are obvisously waiting for somebody, and going up to them and saying, "who are you waiting for?" and they say something like "Mike", and then I say either, "Ah, me to." and just stand there. Or "Yeah, Mike told me to tell you he wasn't gonna be able to make it today." and just walk away
9. Threw a rock at a couple riding a tandem bike
10. Outran a tandem bike

Lie of the Day: My grandma and a bunch of her friends invented the color hazel
Fart Flavor of the Day: Green beans inside a garbage truck
80's Name of the Day: Travels with TrapperKeeper

96 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i haven't laughed that hard in a long time.... however that's my mom & dad on the tandem bike and you broke my mom's nose with that rock you ass pony

August 10, 2005 9:13 PM  
Blogger the captain said...

I've had that taxi driver. Kind of a douchebag.

August 10, 2005 9:14 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Another great day, I see. Woah--what the heck happened to my picture?

August 10, 2005 9:18 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Ah, here we go.
There's more than one Starbucks in the city?!?! Where have I been?

August 10, 2005 9:21 PM  
Blogger Michaela said...

12 hours of the weather channel.. Is the weather/elevator music burned into your memory yet?

80's Name: The Teatherball Kid

If this 80's name game were a game at recess, I would soo be picked last...

August 10, 2005 9:34 PM  
Blogger ~Tonia~ said...

Yet another eventfull day. Man I wish I had half as much happen in my day as you. You think your farts smell, come on over and I can let you have a few of my son's diapers. Now that stinks! Some are so bad you can taste the odor emiting from them.

August 10, 2005 9:35 PM  
Blogger the captain said...

Oh, eighties name today! Flies like an Airwolf.

August 10, 2005 9:53 PM  
Blogger john said...

one crazy day more excitment than one meets the eyes

August 10, 2005 10:58 PM  
Blogger jess360 said...

Sooo, does this stuff come naturally to you - or do you have to work at? Just curious...

Oh, and you are linked.

August 10, 2005 11:19 PM  
Blogger gekke mum said...

particularly liked 5, 6 & 8.

August 11, 2005 1:41 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Taxicabs are my thing.

Dig 'em a lot.

I liked to be watched, don't ya know...

As long as the boy isn't wearing a turban it's usually a go.

Once he angles that mirror, however, I stop.

And, I don't know, if you've ever had the singing taxi driver, yet...but, he rocks. Though, I control myself when I'm lucky enough to get him. I enjoy his vocal enteratinment enough to curb my taxi fetish.

Fredo...the old pic was hot as fuck. Don't know what the fuck that shit is about. I miss the old one already, dude.

August 11, 2005 1:46 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

from http://lifeparody.blogspot.com
the Kuala Lumpur Haze needs action

Dear President:

It has come to my attention that many lives are constantly being wasted in our massive lust for control. We are aware that we do not care for the young, the old, or the unborn, but we have noticed that the living will waste substantial time by recurrently searching for a mythical 'justice' that can only feed the media.

In our constant search for improved methods for expanding our dominions, we have come to the substantial finding that we can now wage war without declaring it or even tell the enemy about it. What's even more appealing: the enemy might consider itself in an 'state of urgency', but it will only sit and chat about it with us. YES, SIR, YOU HAVE READ RIGHT.

I hereby support that, from now onwards, we attack our neighbours every 10 years (or earlier if the need should arise) by setting ourselves or our unimportant territories on fire and let them asphyxiate to their death while they go on chit-chatting with us about how to put out a fire.

YES, SIR, the uncivilized do not know how to put out a fire, and they truly believe that neither can we.

With best regards,
The Secretary

August 11, 2005 4:05 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Whoa- Did ^^ that dude just suggest I blow up my neighbor?

And when did you become President?

**drinks coffee**

I so can't wait until my N.Y trip so I can ride in a taxi for the first time! Oh and that whole people watching thing? I LOVE that hobby! The key is to do it at a place far away from where you actually live. . .
"Oh your waiting on Mike? So your the girl he told me looked fat in a thong. . . whoops!"
"Love your Aero John Deer shirt. . . Oh your waiting on Mike too?! How spiffy! Oh wait, I bet your that girl he said was really fake and can't escape it. . ."


**sigh**

I love me!

August 11, 2005 4:13 AM  
Blogger Poof In Boots said...

Cheers Mate,

You have brightened up a very dull day in Leeds :)

I dont think I have laughed that much for a long long time.

August 11, 2005 4:57 AM  
Anonymous Wendy O said...

Ha ha! Herby Versmelz! That's the best one since Ben Dover or Seymour Butts.

August 11, 2005 5:15 AM  
Blogger Joaline said...

Number four is something I can honestly say I have done, and no I didn't feel bad about it. I am there to take care of the animals needs not clean up after it, so I just pretend I didn't notice or it wasn't there when I went there. So what if it's mummified already, to me it just showed up a minute ago not 3 weeks. At least I remembered to go over and feed the damn animal... most of the time. What? Like there was any chance I would remember when I was soo drunk I could hardly keep from peeing my pants !!!

I miss the 80's... the big hairsprayed poofy hair was my personal favorite, along with the huge leg warmers and neon socks. Why did that look ever go out of style? I miss those days, everytime I sing Girl's just want to have fun and time after time I am dragged back to the realms of 80's happiness. A time where I was young, naive and still believed that Boy George was my future husband !!! Guess I was to young to know what a homosexual was, this explains my wham lust too. Cheers to the 80's !!!

August 11, 2005 5:38 AM  
Blogger Me said...

Watch the weather channel for another 12 hours, then you can predict the weather better than the Meteorological
Deptt....lol...another nice post.

August 11, 2005 5:50 AM  
Blogger ~April~ said...

Herby Versmelz? Oh my gawd, this just cracked me up. It takes me back to the old Porky's / Mike Hunt days.

I think my 80's name would be
Not So Pretty In Pink

aproka.blogspot.com

August 11, 2005 5:55 AM  
Blogger Voodoo said...

LOOOOOOOOL I love this blog!

August 11, 2005 6:07 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Love those taxi's. :) When I was in Las Vegas, I had a taxi driver so confused he told me to get out of the cab.

August 11, 2005 6:08 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Fuck milk...got beaver?

August 11, 2005 6:26 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Thanks for a good laugh!

August 11, 2005 6:29 AM  
Blogger Soul-cheeky said...

one of the best blogs! Now, if only my days were as interesting as yours.

thanks for the good laugh!
(i've taken the liberty to include your link)

cheerios!

August 11, 2005 6:34 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I got my 80's name!

Hunts with AquaNet

August 11, 2005 7:10 AM  
Blogger Alice said...

you joke about the weather channel... my mom literally does that

August 11, 2005 7:10 AM  
Anonymous bored in canada said...

Loved # 8.

Running out to do it now.

Not much to do that's fun in Canada except mess with people's minds.

Whoo-hoo!

August 11, 2005 7:15 AM  
Blogger Candee said...

Hehe! I won the 80's name of the day, I'm so stoked! Now I have to tell all my co-workers what a superstar I am! Still.

August 11, 2005 7:18 AM  
Blogger monsterhack said...

and the weather for Baltimore, Maryland is.......

August 11, 2005 7:23 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

Monkey see, monkey do.

Hey, my grandmother did that, not yours!

August 11, 2005 7:52 AM  
Blogger The DWG said...

Your new hobby (#8) made me laugh out loud. And here I was so pissed that Mike blew me off. You sure are crafty, Casual Friday guy.

August 11, 2005 7:59 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

80's Name: Atari Joystick Puller

August 11, 2005 8:27 AM  
Blogger Renegade said...

glad i linked to this blog id hate to miss anything check out my blog www.xanga.com/renegadeil

August 11, 2005 8:48 AM  
Blogger charlie said...

blond plumage with dark roots?
check.

exposed belly?
check.

fawning over a male?
check.

if only it would turn around, you could check for the ... yup, there it is: a flower tattoo on its lower back. and it's definitely drunk.

sororitos slutta — known to laymen as a "skank."



for the love of God, if you encounter a "skank," do not attempt to pet it.

August 11, 2005 8:48 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

her beaver smells...classic.

August 11, 2005 8:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spam king agrees to pay $7 million in damages
Just weeks after his reformation was made official, once-upon-a-time Spam King Scott Richter has agreed to pay $7 million in damages to Microsoft .
Check out the exclusive 100 hip hop rap song top site

August 11, 2005 8:59 AM  
Blogger Brenda said...

I am just glad you didn't waste your day! I will be using the "I'm waiting for Mike, too"...great line!

August 11, 2005 9:00 AM  
Blogger Kay Ray said...

the herby smeltz threw me off for a minute.. i said it a few times and suddenly i was laughing so hard

August 11, 2005 9:09 AM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Jeez, I must be slow today because I don't get the Herby thing - maybe it's because I'm saying it in my head. My 80's name is Mondo Can of AquaNet.

August 11, 2005 9:10 AM  
Blogger Perdita said...

Have you ever played cab fire drill?
Step 1. Get some friends
2. take separate cabs
3. switch cabs at a stop light....
Watch drivers head explode

if 3 is un-achievable, meet at destination, switch cabs, get in and tell the driver to take you where those people came from.

ps. Do NOT pay first when switching cabs...this may result in 2 cabbies running to eachothers cabs also

Watch traffic back up but to busy laughing to honk

August 11, 2005 9:19 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Great new pic spinning girl... Classic!!!

80's Name: Iceman's Guntop Maverick

August 11, 2005 9:25 AM  
Blogger allison said...

You crack me up Brian. Love the 80's name of the day

August 11, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

80's rocks. You knwo that song about the wife stuck in 1985? Well my SUV is silver, but all the rest is spot on! I know BC, PiP and St. Elmo's Fire by heart.

My fav's are PiP, Ferris B, 16 Candles, and of course Weird Science!

Go 80's!

August 11, 2005 10:08 AM  
Blogger James said...

Hilarious once again, I'm getting the feeling its casual everyday, not casual friday. But the more posts the better.

*****the following is shameless advertising*****

http://www.reallysweetblog.com

*****the preceding was shameless advertising*****

August 11, 2005 10:36 AM  
Anonymous Wendy O said...

Here's a great new name contest:
80's Pirate Name...I'll start, how about The Dread Pirate Mr. Rogers?

August 11, 2005 10:39 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

80's Pirate Name:

Pirate Peter Tweeter

August 11, 2005 11:21 AM  
Blogger alwad said...

travels with trapperkeeper

hah thats great

August 11, 2005 11:48 AM  
Blogger echovillegirl said...

that was funny except for the part of throwing the rock...i know someone whose in a comma 'cuz some asshole threw a rock at their car...please don't do it again.
other than that, awesome as usual. thanks.

August 11, 2005 12:05 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

My 80s name today is a tribute to my favorite He-Man figure - FISTO. Now, in my adult mulleted years, I see that Fisto was a flaming homosexual (nicely trimmed beard, tight furry underpants, a purple striped chest plate AND a stainless steel fist that accomodates other attachments).

August 11, 2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Tee hee, Fredo, if you mention HeMan, you cannot forget SheRa. However, I forget any of the characters, but I remember the cartoon and the "action figures".

August 11, 2005 12:34 PM  
Blogger The Megan said...

my 80's name for today

Flashdanced in my Underoos

August 11, 2005 1:57 PM  
Blogger Ghost Dog said...

#10 was the perfect follow-up to #9.

BTW - you're still listed on the Blogs of Note section.

August 11, 2005 1:57 PM  
Blogger Meta-Tom said...

My 80's name would be

"Swings Like Tarzan Boy"

(oh-oh-oh-oh-ay-oh-ay-oh-ay-oh)

August 11, 2005 2:52 PM  
Blogger platkat said...

"Hi may I speak with Herby Versmelz?"

It took me a few minutes, but when I got it, I totally laughed my ass off!

August 11, 2005 4:12 PM  
Blogger maXX said...

nice work buddy
liked '8'
've done that myself too sometime before!! :)

August 11, 2005 4:12 PM  
Blogger mofo said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 11, 2005 4:31 PM  
Blogger mofo said...

80's name - Walks Like Egyptians

August 11, 2005 4:32 PM  
Blogger Sunny said...

My 80's Name....Runs With Mullet, Dances with JOLT

August 11, 2005 4:57 PM  
Blogger Tasha said...

Hahaha Sounds like a worthwhile day!

August 11, 2005 5:44 PM  
Blogger Andrea said...

You are seriously insane...in a good way.
Love the lists; they're hilarious.
Keep writing, we all enjoy you!
Always Yours,
Diane

August 11, 2005 6:23 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

I'm addicted to your blog.

80's name: Big haired girl with tears for your fears.

August 11, 2005 6:23 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

do they play crappy easy listening music on american weather channels too? if so, how did you do it man??? ...did you ever know that you're my heeeeee-roooooooo..."

80's nickname:loiters in legwarmers

August 11, 2005 7:02 PM  
Blogger sillymeeg said...

Sounds like my kind of day; played that Target game at Wal-Mart a few times, good times.
Flies With Parachute Pants

August 11, 2005 7:58 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

I definitely do not mean to trivialize the tragedy, but, Echovillegirl, she is in a "coma", not in a "comma".
Coma: a prolonged state of deep unconsciousness.
Comma: Grammar -- a punctuation mark (,) that represents a slight pause in a sentence or is used to separate words and figures in a list.

August 11, 2005 8:15 PM  
Anonymous Bjatt said...

Nice day Casual...jet streams are caused by jets just like partly cloudy is different from partly sunny.

80's Name: Lemon Juice Blonde

August 11, 2005 9:07 PM  
Blogger Mr. O said...

i think you are my new personal hero of the day.

(its ok, tomorrow i'll have another hero)

August 11, 2005 9:10 PM  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

#8... I am sooo going to start doing this now. I work in the perfect place to be able to do this on a daily basis.

Herby Versmelz... I had to keep saying it until I got it. I think I may have blonde roots. ;-) I don't think Bart Simpson ever used that one.

August 11, 2005 10:29 PM  
Blogger Anne Dupin said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 12, 2005 12:11 AM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

Sweet! Tell your grandma I said thanks for the eye color.

August 12, 2005 12:40 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

My 80's name today:

Gone Fisting with Skeletor

August 12, 2005 1:19 AM  
Blogger misscate_hrhrosanna said...

You're funny. So are we.

August 12, 2005 1:35 AM  
Blogger sharonb said...

funny!!!!Hope your day is great!And from the local news of sharonb..The home front is quiet today, not much activity going on. We are getting lots of rain, mostly in the evening hours. Forcast for today is wet and cloudy.
And now we break to a sharonb commercial....

August 12, 2005 4:24 AM  
Blogger Forty_Two said...

What do you think of my blog?

August 12, 2005 5:51 AM  
Blogger Uncle Gekko said...

I'm too lazy to get up and change the channel. What's the forecast for my city?

August 12, 2005 6:10 AM  
Blogger lookingbusy said...

All this fart humor and 80's names is getting old. I dare you to stop.

August 12, 2005 7:26 AM  
Blogger Swammi said...

Travels with TrapperKeeper, lol!!!
Call me No Mo' Mohawk

August 12, 2005 7:55 AM  
Blogger Fridaysweb said...

As a new blogger, I was looking for laughs and some inspiration, and found them. And then some. I've definately found my new best pal, buddy. If only I could quip as quickly as you. You ARE my hero.

August 12, 2005 8:15 AM  
Blogger 'Thought & Humor' said...

We work like a horse.
We eat like a pig.
We like to play chicken.
You can get someone's goat.
We can be as slippery as a snake.
We get dog tired.
We can be as quiet as a mouse.
We can be as quick as a cat.
Some of us are as strong as an ox.
People try to buffalo others.
Some are as ugly as a toad.
We can be as gentle as a lamb.
Sometimes we are as happy as a lark.
Some of us drink like a fish.
We can be as proud as a peacock.
A few of us are as hairy as a gorilla.
You can get a frog in your throat.
We can be a lone wolf.
But I'm having a whale of a time!

You have a riveting web log
and undoubtedly must have
atypical & quiescent potential
for your intended readership.
May I suggest that you do
everything in your power to
honor your encyclopedic/omniscient
Designer/Architect as well
as your revering audience.


Please remember to never
restrict anyone's opportunities
for ascertaining uninterrupted
existence for their quintessence.

There is a time for everything,
a season for every activity
under heaven. A time to be
born and a time to die. A
time to plant and a time to
harvest. A time to kill and
a time to heal. A time to
tear down and a time to
rebuild. A time to cry and
a time to laugh. A time to
grieve and a time to dance.
A time to scatter stones
and a time to gather stones.
A time to embrace and a
time to turn away. A time to
search and a time to lose.
A time to keep and a time to
throw away. A time to tear
and a time to mend. A time
to be quiet and a time to
speak up. A time to love
and a time to hate. A time
for war and a time for peace.


Best wishes for continued ascendancy,
Howdy
Editor

'Thought & Humor'

P.S. One thing of which I am sure is
that the common culture of my youth
is gone for good. It was hollowed out
by the rise of ethnic "identity politics,"
then splintered beyond hope of repair
by the emergence of the web-based
technologies that so maximized and
facilitated cultural choice as to make
the broad-based offerings of the old
mass media look bland and unchallenging
by comparison."


'Thought & Humor' by Howdy
Great Humor
Great Thought
CyberHumor, CyberThought
CyberRiddles for your divertissement!!!

August 12, 2005 8:28 AM  
Blogger Phil Rossi said...

I was all prepared to not like your blog. And then I liked it. I don't know why I had prepared for anything. As recent experience told me, preparing can be a big waste of time.

Funny shite :)

August 12, 2005 8:46 AM  
Blogger American Girl said...

You've got me analyzing my farts now. It's a very deliberate and precise process - much like wine tasting. Little sniffs at a time...

August 12, 2005 9:31 AM  
Blogger Clarissa said...

LOL nice blog!

August 12, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger Steph said...

Funny stuff...very funny stuff.

August 12, 2005 9:46 AM  
Blogger the elissawanian said...

Did you have contact info on that cabby? He's kinda hot.

80's name: The Camel Toed Kitty

August 12, 2005 10:06 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I definitely fall into the 'drinks like a fish' catagory.

August 12, 2005 10:07 AM  
Blogger Mafficker said...

I've linked you. So absolutely funny. Almost makes me wish I were from Chicago, just so that I could try to find you, get you drunk, and see how funny you'd be then. Good work.

August 12, 2005 11:31 AM  
Blogger Danius Maximus said...

sweet jesus drinking pepsi! come over to my site and weigh in on the new theological debate over belief and sugar water...bring a friend, the almighty needs his pepsi votes!

August 12, 2005 12:17 PM  
Blogger Zanderlilly said...

One of your best lists ever!

My 80's name would be: Runs with slap bracelet.

August 12, 2005 12:30 PM  
Blogger Paul said...

How do you get so many comments. I have very few on my blog.

August 12, 2005 3:38 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Dear Paul:
After taking a look at your blog, I can't believe you would ask such a dumbass question.
Fucking think about it.

August 12, 2005 4:17 PM  
Blogger Michaela said...

Paul, you couldn't pay me money to read about Australian politics and blah blah blah on a daily basis...Let alone comment about it.

Sorry.

Maybe if you slightly re-adjust your central idea to something...COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

August 12, 2005 5:49 PM  
Blogger FU said...

heheheh..ur so mean it's hillarious. i lowe it (say in thick indian accent). it was casual friday at work today. i kept refreshing your blog every few hours hoping you'd post on this holy day. *sigh* no post today.. BLOG DAMN U BLOG!

August 12, 2005 7:44 PM  
Blogger PINKSandROSES said...

tandem bikes rock

August 12, 2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Mr. Paul,

After Brian was so mean, I felt sorry for you and went to your blog intending to put some sort of comment on there for your reading pleasure.

Instead, I found the most amazing new cure for my insomnia!

Good onya!!

August 13, 2005 7:56 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

dear paul,

i see words like fascist and left wing and z
z
z
z
z
z

signed,
anonymous aka too lazy to sign in

August 13, 2005 9:32 AM  
Blogger Racheal said...

I don't get that Herby thing, either. O, well.

Haha. I love what you said about waiting for someone. Or whatever.

August 14, 2005 5:37 PM  
Blogger Smurfer said...

totally fresh work! good job! i'd add you as my friend !!

August 16, 2005 1:25 AM  
Blogger Christmas Lights in June, Texas said...

OMG, you are so funny. But I don't think you have to be that fast to out run a tandem bike. You know I don't even think we have tandem bikes in Texas!

August 18, 2005 6:31 AM  

Post a Comment

<< Home