Highlights of My Day
1. Aggressively sniffed my fingers in a crowded elevator
2. Had a dream that I married Ms. Garrett from the Facts of Life....Tootie!
3. Wondered why guys named William go by Bill, but never Billiam
4. Stole the idea of "indian names" from the Native Americans, and began the newest craze, "80's names!"...mine is "Dances with Stonewash Jeans"
5. Began writing my thesis: The Segregation Between White & Dark Chocolates
6. Purchased a huge poster of Bob Marley smoking a joint to hang in my new cubicle
7. After further review, the phrase "Pimpin' Aint Easy" is complete bullshit...that has the be the easiest job in the world
8. Realized dropping acid + a swimming pool = 10' x 15' tub of jell-o
9. Continue to wait patiently for an episode of Iron Chef where chefs are only allowed to use an Easy Bake Oven
10. Invented popcorn flavored butter
Fart Flavor of the Day: pumpkin pie dipped in gasoline
Each $4.00 donation...I will provide you with your very own 80's name.
2. Had a dream that I married Ms. Garrett from the Facts of Life....Tootie!
3. Wondered why guys named William go by Bill, but never Billiam
4. Stole the idea of "indian names" from the Native Americans, and began the newest craze, "80's names!"...mine is "Dances with Stonewash Jeans"
5. Began writing my thesis: The Segregation Between White & Dark Chocolates
6. Purchased a huge poster of Bob Marley smoking a joint to hang in my new cubicle
7. After further review, the phrase "Pimpin' Aint Easy" is complete bullshit...that has the be the easiest job in the world
8. Realized dropping acid + a swimming pool = 10' x 15' tub of jell-o
9. Continue to wait patiently for an episode of Iron Chef where chefs are only allowed to use an Easy Bake Oven
10. Invented popcorn flavored butter
Fart Flavor of the Day: pumpkin pie dipped in gasoline
Each $4.00 donation...I will provide you with your very own 80's name.
posted by immixmarketer at 4:49 PM
25 Comments:
YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! An awesome list today. I think my 80's name would have to be...
Leg Warmers Running !
or else
Speaks with Teddy Ruxpin !
Hey Brian,
I've always wondered how the Easy-Bake Oven cooked food using a low-wattage lightbulb....
Other things to do in an elevator:
1) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
2) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
3) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
4) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
5) Sell Girl Scout cookies.
-Rach-
My uncle's name is William, and he goes by Billiam....
but maybe that's why he's a depressed old man who never got married.
my dad goes by billiam.
just kidding though...
Mrs. Garrett had great hair. I've always had a thing for redheads. Cos firebush is so fucking sexy.
Rollerskates rock, so I always dug on Tootie, as well.
Now, a redhead on rollerskates....I need to find me one of those.
And why is it that men named Richard go by "Dick?"
Signed,
"I Might Like You Better If We Slept Together" High Priestess
P.S. You obviously have not seen Hustle and Flow yet. Otherwise you would know that Pimpin' is, indeed, not easy. Heh.
I'd love to see #9 as well.
thank you for making a blog that is the highpoint of my day most days!
I leg wrestled a guy named Billiam in 4th grade (and won).
-MW
Wicked A!
My 80's indian name?
"Eye of the Tiger" or "Little Care Bear"
I have wondered about the William thing too. Why do they go by Bill, why not Will?
The Easy Bake Oven battle on the Iron Chef. That would be a must see. I wonder what they could come up with in an hour? Hummm
Don't worry about the low-wattage light bulb, the iron chef never fully cooks any thing... a slight warming is just fine.
optimus prime gargamoyle
a perfect marriage between transformers and the smurfs, good and evil.
i can't believe i check this page for updates before i check my email now.
go weird fart man!
Today I have the shits. We're talking Big 'Ol Cobra folks.
LMFAO!
My thesis (feces) at university: All Fathers are Mother Fuckers / All Great Grandfathers are Great Grandmother Fuckers
My '80s name would probably be:
Abuses Blue Eyeshadow
I farted today in the shower and it sounded like an elephant's trumpet noise.
Great list...
Can you imagine an easy bake episode of Iron Chef..."There's Nothing Easy about this easy bake competition".
The Italian Chef would be disqualified for smuggling a 150 watt light bulb into the competition when the rules CLEARLY state a 100 watt max...and declare this "preposterous! (imagine sexy italian accent)It would be impossible to make my Duck Liver Terrine with Apple-Mango Chutney with a 100 watt bulb...oh but with a 150 watt...the endless possibilities"...
Okay I seriously need to apply to be creative director of Iron Chef...I SO kick ass. ;)
I'm going with Dirty Dancing High Top
Lace Gloved Pale Hair
Wow, we've got a whole goddamn TRIBE goin'.
Look what you've started, Boy Friday...
You rock!
Dropping acid in a swimming pool is wicked if it is thermal... your hands go all pruney and that looks real insane...
i read number 1 as i was answering the telephone at work. i was laughing so hard the man on the line didn't understand my first three hellos.
i called my ex billiam all the time and he hated it, what fun!
when i was a kid, a friend's dad started giving everyone indian names. i was taking ballet lessons, therefore i am "Dances with Girls". lovely.
Robs are Roberts; are Bobs Boberts?
And why are Richards Dicks?
~~Queen of the Cabbage Patch, aka a "HOT" redhead. ;)
Hi, Audrey.
lmao...
ur blog rocks.
il link u up.
damn those fart flavors,i can relate to them...haha...
more things to do in an elevator:
- jump while it's going down
- touch someone then look innocent
- bang your head on the elev's wall
- face backwards from the door (or if you want, press your butt on it)
- last, push the close-door button when someone is trying to squish in...
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