Sunday, August 07, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Aggressively sniffed my fingers in a crowded elevator
2. Had a dream that I married Ms. Garrett from the Facts of Life....Tootie!
3. Wondered why guys named William go by Bill, but never Billiam
4. Stole the idea of "indian names" from the Native Americans, and began the newest craze, "80's names!"...mine is "Dances with Stonewash Jeans"
5. Began writing my thesis: The Segregation Between White & Dark Chocolates
6. Purchased a huge poster of Bob Marley smoking a joint to hang in my new cubicle
7. After further review, the phrase "Pimpin' Aint Easy" is complete bullshit...that has the be the easiest job in the world
8. Realized dropping acid + a swimming pool = 10' x 15' tub of jell-o
9. Continue to wait patiently for an episode of Iron Chef where chefs are only allowed to use an Easy Bake Oven
10. Invented popcorn flavored butter

Fart Flavor of the Day: pumpkin pie dipped in gasoline

Each $4.00 donation...I will provide you with your very own 80's name.


Blogger Spinning Girl said...

YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!! An awesome list today. I think my 80's name would have to be...

Leg Warmers Running !

or else

Speaks with Teddy Ruxpin !

August 07, 2005 5:43 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hey Brian,
I've always wondered how the Easy-Bake Oven cooked food using a low-wattage lightbulb....

Other things to do in an elevator:
1) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"
2) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.
3) Stare at your thumb and say "I think it's getting larger."
4) If anyone brushes against you, recoil and holler "Bad touch!"
5) Sell Girl Scout cookies.

August 07, 2005 6:04 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Rainbow Bright Feather would have been mine. . . or was the more '70's. . . . eh.

We, and by we I mean we, are bringing back audio blogging! Check it out yo!

I am numba threeeeeeeeeeeee

August 07, 2005 6:12 PM  
Blogger Abigail S. said...

My uncle's name is William, and he goes by Billiam....
but maybe that's why he's a depressed old man who never got married.

August 07, 2005 9:10 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

my dad goes by billiam.

just kidding though...

August 07, 2005 9:24 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Mrs. Garrett had great hair. I've always had a thing for redheads. Cos firebush is so fucking sexy.

Rollerskates rock, so I always dug on Tootie, as well.

Now, a redhead on rollerskates....I need to find me one of those.

And why is it that men named Richard go by "Dick?"


"I Might Like You Better If We Slept Together" High Priestess

P.S. You obviously have not seen Hustle and Flow yet. Otherwise you would know that Pimpin' is, indeed, not easy. Heh.

August 07, 2005 9:31 PM  
Blogger Ghost Dog said...

I'd love to see #9 as well.

August 07, 2005 11:34 PM  
Blogger charlie said...

something is not right about you, but i love it.

i think you could use a dammit doll.

butterfly kisses, that's all, goodnight.

oh my 80's name would be:

bad mamma jamma

August 08, 2005 5:26 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Ok I want to clame the name Atari Wing.

August 08, 2005 5:26 AM  
Blogger Patience said...

thank you for making a blog that is the highpoint of my day most days!

August 08, 2005 5:57 AM  
Blogger Uncle Gekko said...

Mrs. Garrett? Wow, I'm a sucker for hot redheads, too.

August 08, 2005 6:26 AM  
Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

I leg wrestled a guy named Billiam in 4th grade (and won).

August 08, 2005 7:41 AM  
Anonymous Wendy O said...

Wicked A!

My 80's indian name?

"Eye of the Tiger" or "Little Care Bear"

August 08, 2005 7:58 AM  
Blogger CanOpener said...

Well it beat Two Dogs a Fucken!

August 08, 2005 7:59 AM  
Blogger ~Tonia~ said...

I have wondered about the William thing too. Why do they go by Bill, why not Will?

The Easy Bake Oven battle on the Iron Chef. That would be a must see. I wonder what they could come up with in an hour? Hummm

August 08, 2005 8:06 AM  
Blogger lookingbusy said...

Don't worry about the low-wattage light bulb, the iron chef never fully cooks any thing... a slight warming is just fine.

August 08, 2005 8:23 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Will your thesis on white and dark chocolate segregation feature discussion of the groundbreaking desegregation work of the tuxedo cookie?

August 08, 2005 8:32 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

Call me "Visible Crotch in Parachute Pants"

August 08, 2005 10:42 AM  
Blogger FU said...

optimus prime gargamoyle

a perfect marriage between transformers and the smurfs, good and evil.

i can't believe i check this page for updates before i check my email now.

go weird fart man!

August 08, 2005 10:46 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Today I have the shits. We're talking Big 'Ol Cobra folks.

August 08, 2005 11:21 AM  
Blogger Sam said...

LOL popcorn flavored butter BRILLIANT

August 08, 2005 11:52 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

I'd like to request a lie of the day.

August 08, 2005 12:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


August 08, 2005 12:52 PM  
Blogger "the ONE and ONLY" said...

pumkin pie with gas' flavored fart?!! I wonder if "Jelly Belly's" are looking for anything new?!! U might want to suggest that one...

August 08, 2005 1:22 PM  
Blogger Duncan MacEachern said...

My thesis (feces) at university: All Fathers are Mother Fuckers / All Great Grandfathers are Great Grandmother Fuckers

August 08, 2005 3:51 PM  
Blogger Cass said...

I think my name would be "Hair Grows Tall"

August 08, 2005 4:01 PM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

My '80s name would probably be:

Abuses Blue Eyeshadow

August 08, 2005 5:33 PM  
Blogger blair said...

I farted today in the shower and it sounded like an elephant's trumpet noise.

August 08, 2005 5:59 PM  
Blogger Michaela said...

Great list...
Can you imagine an easy bake episode of Iron Chef..."There's Nothing Easy about this easy bake competition".
The Italian Chef would be disqualified for smuggling a 150 watt light bulb into the competition when the rules CLEARLY state a 100 watt max...and declare this "preposterous! (imagine sexy italian accent)It would be impossible to make my Duck Liver Terrine with Apple-Mango Chutney with a 100 watt bulb...oh but with a 150 watt...the endless possibilities"...

Okay I seriously need to apply to be creative director of Iron Chef...I SO kick ass. ;)

I'm going with Dirty Dancing High Top

August 08, 2005 8:24 PM  
Blogger herra said...

My 80's name

"Flys with Winged Hair"

August 08, 2005 8:38 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Lace Gloved Pale Hair

August 08, 2005 8:39 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Wow, we've got a whole goddamn TRIBE goin'.

Look what you've started, Boy Friday...

You rock!

August 08, 2005 11:34 PM  
Blogger monsterhack said...

i've been gone a couple of days...but this blog is good!

keep it up

August 10, 2005 12:11 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dropping acid in a swimming pool is wicked if it is thermal... your hands go all pruney and that looks real insane...

August 10, 2005 7:51 PM  
Blogger Negative 21 Grams said...

i read number 1 as i was answering the telephone at work. i was laughing so hard the man on the line didn't understand my first three hellos.

i called my ex billiam all the time and he hated it, what fun!

when i was a kid, a friend's dad started giving everyone indian names. i was taking ballet lessons, therefore i am "Dances with Girls". lovely.

August 11, 2005 8:49 AM  
Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

Robs are Roberts; are Bobs Boberts?

And why are Richards Dicks?

~~Queen of the Cabbage Patch, aka a "HOT" redhead. ;)

August 12, 2005 8:12 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Hi, Audrey.

August 12, 2005 10:19 AM  
Blogger madugongmaria said...

ur blog rocks.
il link u up.
damn those fart flavors,i can relate to them...haha...
more things to do in an elevator:
- jump while it's going down
- touch someone then look innocent
- bang your head on the elev's wall
- face backwards from the door (or if you want, press your butt on it)
- last, push the close-door button when someone is trying to squish in...

August 13, 2005 7:04 PM  

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