Monday, August 01, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Wrote "J.K. Rawlings was here" on the shitter stall in Barnes and Noble
2. Asked an old lady at the train station if the 13 o'clock train was running on time
3. Pretended to fall asleep while riding on an elevator
4. Asked the house keeper at my hotel why it is called "continental breakfast"...she responded with, "you wan room kreen o no kreened?"
5. Wondered why the 3 little pigs didn't go in on a house together in the first place
6. Sent in the patent paperwork for my beer-flavored toothpaste
7. Discovered a website dedicated to the 3rd and final installment of Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure
8. Continue to thank the people at Aunt Jemima
9. Had a fart that smelled like Cheerios smoothered with Southern Comfort
10. Thought about kidnapping Andy Milonakis

Lie of the Day: My sister is the reason why the Gin Blossoms broke up


Blogger Gern said...

Cheerios and Southern Comfort...egad!
I actually thought the Bill & Ted thing was a joke. I think GW would concur with shock and awe...

August 01, 2005 5:14 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I am numba twoooooooooooooooooo


My housekeepers speak english. I swear. Its called a complementary breakfast at my hotel. . . who knows. . .

"Housekeeping fluff your pillow?"

What movie is that from?

SoCo on Cheerios is alchol abuse and I won;t tolerate it. . .

Look up Southern Discomfort @ . Its country/rap. . .

Have you ever been impersonated via blogging?

August 01, 2005 5:59 PM  
Blogger mofo said...

Dammit. If the 3 little pigs all went in on a house together then we would have been left with a kiddie story about three pigs that bitched about what kind of house it would be. Besides, who wants to hear stories about 3 pigs that may also be gay?

Gay pigs. Hate 'em.

August 01, 2005 6:27 PM  
Blogger Caroline Schmaroline said...

Thanks, I needed a good laugh and just happened to stumble upon your blog. I was laughing my ass off.

August 01, 2005 6:29 PM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

My farts always, always smell like tapioca pudding.


August 01, 2005 6:38 PM  
Blogger Samantha said...

I figured you for the kind of hotel where the housekeeper asks "5 buckee, me suckee?"

Bill and Ted 3 - consider me in for the midnight showing. I actually went and looked at that website. Deep down, I really believe that Alex Winter has a shrine in his basement dedicated to the ultimate annhilation of Keanu Reeves since KR can be considered a moderate success (even though he's a shitty actor) and AW can't even get his face on a box of crackerjack.

August 01, 2005 6:46 PM  
Blogger austinizer said...

eveytime i see new post on your blog, i do numa numa fat kid dance in joy.

August 01, 2005 6:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why didn't your sister break up the Gin Blossoms sooner? Life would have been so much sweeter for those of us with ears.

August 01, 2005 7:33 PM  
Blogger Erika said...

Please tell me you didn't have the cheerios and Southern Comfort *together*!

August 01, 2005 7:50 PM  
Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

It would have been slightly cooler to write, "JK Rowling was here," but unfortunately bathroom stalls aren't equipped with spellcheck.
:) Midwest

August 01, 2005 7:52 PM  
Blogger aja-ng said...

Even if bathroom stalls were equipped with spell check, would spell check have her name?

August 01, 2005 7:57 PM  
Blogger FoolRomantic said...

My face hurts from laughing. or maybe it hurts because you shouldn't play Marco Polo in the dark. Enjoyed your blog though!

August 01, 2005 8:00 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

LOL not ANDY!!!! I love that random shit!

August 01, 2005 8:02 PM  
Blogger Pink Lemonade Diva said...

New here - you totally got me w/ #3.

August 01, 2005 8:04 PM  
Blogger Hannah Banana said...

You posed the question of what can be done with that Banana, I could show you and then perhaps, be one of the highlights of your day...

Think it over, get back to me


August 01, 2005 8:15 PM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

I think your farts are the reason that the Gin Blossoms broke up. Keep up the good work.

August 01, 2005 9:15 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

It just so happens that in everywhere BUT the midwest, bathroom stalls ARE equipped with spellcheck and yes, her name WAS in there. See, it was a joke. Do you miss ALL the laughs like that due to your sphincterflexatia disorder?

August 01, 2005 9:28 PM  
Blogger FU said...

you are one gassy bastard

August 01, 2005 11:50 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amazing job on your Blog! I'll definatly be coming back. If interested, my site is on corvettes.

August 02, 2005 12:09 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

The movie is Tommy Boy.

I'm surprised you didn't know why the three pigs didn't go in together. One of the pigs was a farter, and his brothers were not fart connoisseurs.
I'll leave it to you to decide whether the farter was the pig of moronic, average or genius intellect.

August 02, 2005 6:11 AM  
Blogger Faux Prada Girl said...

Seriously, what do you have against J.K.?

August 02, 2005 6:22 AM  
Blogger Fleen Bean said...

dude, if you want to kidnap Andy Milonakis... I will so help you.


August 02, 2005 6:41 AM  
Blogger Kerri said...

hahahaha.. you totally should kidnap that Milanakis kid. Why the hell does he have his own show? MY life is more interesting than his!

August 02, 2005 6:59 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

If this is going to be a group kidnapping....I have a few ideas of what we can do with the Milonakis kid.

Can we say, "gimp suit?"

August 02, 2005 7:17 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please Kidnap Andy Milonakis. I hate that guy. Even though it wouldn't be kidnapping since he is like 29 years old!

August 02, 2005 7:30 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

August 02, 2005 8:05 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

another bill and ted movie...that would be something. keanu reminds me of al gore...both are so stiff and monotone. the matrix was a perfect role for him becuase there is no emotion at all for his character.

August 02, 2005 8:05 AM  
Blogger Just Me said...

Beer flavored toothpaste, would there be a an age requirement?

August 02, 2005 8:12 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

I'm the dude who, 700 years ago, totally ravaged China, and who, 2 hours ago, totally ravaged Oshman's Sporting Goods.

August 02, 2005 8:33 AM  
Blogger monsterhack said...

this has got to be the best of the best:

2. Asked an old lady at the train station if the 13 o'clock train was running on time
3. Pretended to fall asleep while riding on an elevator
4. Asked the house keeper at my hotel why it is called "continental breakfast"...she responded with, "you wan room kreen o no kreened?"

lmao...dude you are retarded..and hot.

August 02, 2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger amanda said...

it's called AA. check it out.

August 02, 2005 10:04 AM  
Blogger allison said...

i personally enjoy asking the housekeepers if they have any "anti-frizz" shampoo.....usually they just smile and nod.

August 02, 2005 10:09 AM  
Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

Yo Yer Daddy...
A. Midwest lives in Seattle
B. Could it be that I was being ironic and that Casual Friday was being ironic and that it was all just over your head?

August 02, 2005 10:26 AM  
Blogger Mrs. Ca said...

Hmmm...why is it called a continental breakfast? Good question. Rolls and juice = continental? I don't get it.

August 02, 2005 10:50 AM  
Anonymous lunkheadwithanopion said...

i love you blog and have emailed it to all of my friends i might just have to copy you but being asboring as i am it will be no where near as funny

August 02, 2005 11:14 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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August 02, 2005 11:28 AM  
Blogger Cass said...

I just bought curtains at Bed, Bath and Beyond that smelled like Southern Comfort...Febreeze barely got rid of it. Southern Discomfort is a kickass band!

August 02, 2005 12:24 PM  
Blogger trish said...

While youre at it, can you add Marlboro flavoured toothpaste or any Marlboro scented bath products to the list?

Much appreciated. Thx.

August 02, 2005 12:29 PM  
Blogger Uncle Gekko said...

Three little pigs in one house? How soon til one of 'em gets voted out on national TV?

August 02, 2005 1:26 PM  
Blogger Will Irby said...

Always a trip man...always

August 02, 2005 1:30 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

All I have to say is that Andy kid is really stupid to me. Sure, he got a show and not I,but I find him rather annoying. Not soemthing, I want my kids to watch. This of course is prob the next "jackass" star that ends up in a big time movie...oh well. Andy just annoys the hell out of me and considering I lOVE MTV, i wish they would put him onlike at 2am.....when i'm sleeping or partying!

BTW- funny blog!!

August 02, 2005 1:43 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Your site is funny. It makes me laugh every day, and today I really need it because my camero is in the shop and I only have a tandem bike to ride around. I also think you're cute. Stay cute and cool. Call me this summer! We'll hang!

Teabaggin' 24/7,


August 02, 2005 2:14 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

I also think you are retarded and hot.

August 02, 2005 2:15 PM  
Blogger The Health Guru said...

Asked the house keeper at my hotel why it is called "continental breakfast"...she responded with, "you wan room kreen o no kreened?"

I remeber the first time I went
to a hotel that offered Continental breakfast I thought it wasa going to be somethign huge .. not a lousy piece of toast

August 02, 2005 2:17 PM  
Blogger Honey said...

Will the beer flavored toothpaste have an aftertaste? Will I have to brush again afterwards to get rid of the beer breath?

August 02, 2005 2:54 PM  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Writing "J.K. Rawlings was here" on the shitter... classic!

I tried to scotch tape the ol' "how to poop at work" joke to the inside of the stall doors at work--- surprisingly many didn't find it as funny as me. Bastards.

August 02, 2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger gunngirl said...

#2 was hilarious.

Now that I know who that Milanakis kid is, Can I be the getaway driver of the kidnapping car?

Strumpet -- I cracked up on your post. I almost died when I saw 'gimp suit.'

August 02, 2005 3:17 PM  
Blogger Cristina said...

Cute way of describing your daily life....

liked it...will come back


August 02, 2005 3:57 PM  
Anonymous Welcome to GI said...

Hey REO Teabaggin:
I hate your friggin guts!

August 02, 2005 4:34 PM  
Blogger austinizer said...

monkey see monkey do

August 02, 2005 5:03 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

#4 is so true and so funny...lovin' it.

August 02, 2005 9:22 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Awww, Fredo...a bicycle built for two. How I would adore riding with you and keeping your hair fluffed from behind.

I'm a most excellent Fluffer.

Heh, heh.

August 02, 2005 11:10 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Trish, you're hot.

You should check out a brand called Demeter. They put out a unisex fragrance called Whiskey Tobacco and it smells fucking wicked.

August 03, 2005 12:11 AM  
Anonymous Hair Club said...

Oh, joy! Oh, joy! Fredo Teabaggins made TWO comments! My day is complete! I will pray for your Camero, Fredo, and light some candles. I'm so saddened by that news. I'm your biggest fan!

August 03, 2005 4:19 AM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

WOMBAT & MIDWEST: Yes, it's very possible. Likely, in fact.

August 03, 2005 6:36 AM  
Blogger Griffon said...

i am finding that by reading your blog that my sex life has improved dramatically. thanks for making fridays casual!

August 03, 2005 7:46 AM  
Blogger mamadukez said...

I'll pay you to take Milanakis AND his dog Woobie. Just say the word!

August 03, 2005 9:50 AM  
Blogger LadyJey said...

You are Hilarious!

August 03, 2005 10:26 AM  
Blogger lookingbusy said...

You should've saved some of your Southern Comfort for that Milonakis guy. Cheers! That dude is funny! I can't stop watching...

August 03, 2005 10:34 AM  
Blogger Kel said...

I was wondering if you were available for random things, such as translating ethnic slurs for cuban refugees... You're hot. Let's do it.

August 03, 2005 10:46 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Welcome to GI -

Like I give a shit.

Love -


August 03, 2005 11:11 AM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

Uh, that one guy was right; the comments suck, especially mine.

Can anybody tell me what ironic means? I wish I was smarter.

Freedo has better hair than Barry Gibb. I hope his Camaro is an IROC Z and it had better be red.

I really want to be called Tito Freebaggin. Is that okay?

August 03, 2005 12:12 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

Chicks dig me cuz I rarely wear underwear...

August 03, 2005 12:16 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...


August 03, 2005 12:17 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

You know, yesterday after working out at the gym I forgot to bring underpants, so I had to freeball at work and the air conditioning was out. I had swamp butt and sweat nuts like nobody's business.

August 03, 2005 1:01 PM  
Blogger Sublime said...

Please kill Andy Milonakis for the sake of us all.

August 03, 2005 2:15 PM  
Blogger Anonymous Midwest Girl said...

I don't know what's funnier...the post or the comments. :)

August 03, 2005 2:41 PM  
Blogger arzenne said...

great minds think alike I just started to read harry potter series I wonder if I should stick to it though I dont think I like the feeling of joining the rest of the world ha ha

August 03, 2005 2:53 PM  
Blogger Yobishi said...

First off the damn pigs couldn't agree on a building material.
Secondly, do you even know what a gin blossom is?

Beyond that beer flavoured toothpaste has been tried and..failed!!!

Good luck in your ramblings...

August 03, 2005 3:12 PM  
Blogger PEFACommish said...

"I love the smell of Cheerios and Southern Comfort in the morning." --found on the Apocalypse Now cutting room floor

August 03, 2005 3:57 PM  
Blogger Steven Rawski said...

Tip housekeeping $2.00 a night!

August 03, 2005 4:06 PM  
Blogger RoLo said...

Nice Blog!! check mine, it has to do with this one! Monologo

August 03, 2005 4:33 PM  
Blogger ReStArT said...

I'm laughing so hard I'm crying. You're a fucking genius!

August 03, 2005 5:17 PM  
Blogger Ron said...

Dude, you've got to start bottling up these farts. Somewhere on this planet there is a market for noxious fumes. You could sell it as Aromatherapy for crackwhores. Clearly you're letting money go to waste. No pun intended.

August 03, 2005 5:19 PM  
Blogger Mr.X said...

well well well im new to the blogging scene and i want commens and visitors so everyone comment


August 03, 2005 5:36 PM  
Blogger agirloutthere said...

Did you try the tomatoe soup? You should.

August 03, 2005 6:56 PM  
Blogger rawbean said...

Has being a 'Blog of note' made this more fun or has it put a little too much pressure on you to 'be funny'? I don't think I could handle it.

Way to deliver.

August 03, 2005 7:35 PM  
Blogger Kay Ray said...

That Andy M kid gets on my nerves anyway.. and this is coming from someone that likes the show Wondershozen so does my opinion matter anyway LOL

August 03, 2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger Elohimus Maximus said...

entrepreneurs are tools of satan. also fridays are the best days for converting people to the only true should repent sir.
God 56
sinners 0

August 03, 2005 8:33 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Satan has a huge tool.

I worship it every Friday.

I have a thing for pointy tails and pitchforks.

August 04, 2005 1:55 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

If you really kiddnap andy milonkis, can i get in on that, he just pisses me off!

August 04, 2005 1:35 PM  
Blogger Adam said...

BTW, To "`ty`" that quote is from the movie tommy boy, excellent movie one of my top 10 favorit movies

August 04, 2005 1:38 PM  
Blogger blair said...

You are regoddamndiculously funny!

I can't explain this excited feeling I get when you have a new post... It's kinda like when I would see the beginning of the Batman TV show and the Batgirl cartoon would drive by in the intro... and I knew she would be in the episode.

August 04, 2005 5:14 PM  
Blogger Jenn said...

Love your random thoughts, where do you get this stuff from?

August 05, 2005 8:48 PM  
Blogger Nick said...

YOu are HILARIOUS! andy milinokis, gin blossoms, its funny stuff man

August 09, 2005 12:00 PM  
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