Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Considered what eating meatloaf everyday would do for my sex life
2. Stood in the middle of the road with a bat and ball, and starting hitting "grounders" to people on the sidewalk
3. Bought a sweet new bike
4. Finally found an outfit to wear for my first day on the job
5. Picked a buger that looked like Massachusetts
6. Tried to start a game of tag on the elevator
7. Started yelling, "No tag-backs!"
8. Double-dared myself to shove our buildings mail lady
9. Had vodka and popcorn for lunch...again
10. Finally finished building my new store

Fart Flavor of the Day: Two turds swimming in Sprite

107 Comments:

Blogger BeckEye said...

I thought for sure you'd have a link to the Pee Wee Herman bike.

August 16, 2005 6:08 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Nah...but Large Marge said to tell you hi.

August 16, 2005 6:16 PM  
Blogger Kerri said...

I thought the same as beckeye... Pee Wee's bike rocks. Oh, and Large Marge made my friend cry. My friend is in high school.

August 16, 2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger Kimmy said...

You have no idea how happy you make me after the most horrid day.

And FYI....Large Marge scared the shit out of me when I was little.

August 16, 2005 6:28 PM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

No meatloaf!!

Go for the dorsal fin.

August 16, 2005 6:35 PM  
Blogger FLoWeR pOwEr! said...

i just coulnt resist it... i read u'r blog always, but i never posted a comment before, i'm from dominican republic, i've told all of my friends to read u'r blog... OMG! u'r 2 damn funny!

August 16, 2005 6:55 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

NUMBA Seven I am!

Hey, meatloaf makes for gassy. . . ewwwwww for sex. . . funny for the new bike though. . .

God, you are so hawt.

August 16, 2005 7:03 PM  
Blogger Camy Leon said...

You should try to do the "Party Boy!!!" (From Jackass) to strangers. My buddy does it, and he freaks people out but it's funny as hell.

August 16, 2005 7:11 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

:O) good one yet again!

http://r2000.blogspot.com

August 16, 2005 7:34 PM  
Blogger bsoholic said...

Was thinking more on a Napolean Dynamite theme for the bike...

Can you do any sweet jumps?

August 16, 2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

I hitch-hike regularly, hoping to get picked up by Large Marge. Never happens.

August 16, 2005 7:48 PM  
Blogger Pete Mitchell said...

Shoving my building's mail lady is the
best way to start the day. Tried shoving the janitor once but he hit me with the broom.

Your site is the best. Finally day-planning tips people can really use!

You rock!

August 16, 2005 7:59 PM  
Blogger ButterFly said...

THE FART.. COULD BE WORSE. LOL

August 16, 2005 8:00 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hi, Blogs are very popular these days. I think you can potentially make the top 10. Go for it!

I have a hair clippers site. I think it will eventually cover all things about hair clippers .

Stop by if you get the change. : - )

August 16, 2005 8:08 PM  
Blogger ~April~ said...

Vodka and Popcorn....... Aren't they the two hookers on Taxicab Confessions? hehehe

August 16, 2005 8:10 PM  
Blogger agirloutthere said...

Very Funny. Thanks for the laughs this evening.

August 16, 2005 8:28 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Brian,
You look like you should be robbing your new store while wearing that outfit....
-Rach-

August 16, 2005 8:33 PM  
Blogger beernazi said...

my bike's a sledgehammer.

LUCKKYYYY!!!

August 16, 2005 9:14 PM  
Anonymous bjatt said...

#5...so many burgers, so few states. I once picked a burger that looked like the uni-bomber, I took a bite out of crime.

August 16, 2005 10:20 PM  
Blogger LBseahag said...

I second the dorsal fin request.
Hubba hubba!

August 16, 2005 10:42 PM  
Blogger FU said...

i like your work clothes. very cool.

meatloaf is good. makes you sleep though coz its heavy. unless u like being on the bottom it wont do much for your sex life.

btw.. when you consider all these things that you could do for your sex life... do you actually do them? or just mull them over?

keep makin us laff :)

fu

August 16, 2005 11:41 PM  
Blogger the captain said...

My brother had that same bike! He syas he has something important to tell the family, but I don't know what it is.

August 16, 2005 11:54 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

How I would adore eating meatloaf as I stroke your dorsal fin...

...whilst we break in your new bike.

I promise to find immensely entertaining ways to use the red bandana from your new outfit while we're at it.

August 17, 2005 1:39 AM  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I learned to ride a bike just like that one but in blue-- and it had cool matching streamers. Banana seats rocked!

August 17, 2005 4:02 AM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

Brian, try this: Meatloaf,peas,homemade mashed potatoes, ketchup,& hotsauce mixed together= 1 heck of a new fart flavor. Ever tried playing hide&seek on an elevator? It's pretty tricky...

August 17, 2005 4:56 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

TAG...you're it.

August 17, 2005 6:08 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You said 26 million people think your a jerk. Well how about 26 million people and one pissed-off little box. I think you were mentioned on this bizarre blog:
Life as a Box

August 17, 2005 6:40 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

How many people pick "burgers"? Damn, when I do it, it's usually "boogers", but hey, each to his own.

I think I rode with Large Marge once.

August 17, 2005 7:02 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

Wow a link that doesnt work. What will they think of next?

:O) R2000

August 17, 2005 7:24 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

vodka and popcorn...quite a combination.

August 17, 2005 7:31 AM  
Blogger Adam said...

I enjoy rum and a bottle of mustard for lunch.

August 17, 2005 7:39 AM  
Blogger allison said...

i know spacks it weird but we could probably come up with a new drink.....poptini anyone?

August 17, 2005 7:50 AM  
Anonymous Beth said...

Why doesn't that link work? I think they put an extra . in the html. I've seen that site too. I thought it was funny. Let's try again.

Life as a Box

Your welcome anonymous

August 17, 2005 8:15 AM  
Blogger J. Hi said...

One day I hit the mailtruck with my car. On the outside I acted sorry, but on the inside I was smiling. He was a mean mailman.

August 17, 2005 8:40 AM  
Blogger Morris said...

Vodka and popcorn that made me mentally vomit popcorn balls. The christmasy kind with the hard kernals that break your teeth.

August 17, 2005 9:07 AM  
Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

And you didn't put the Massachusetts boogy on E-bay????

August 17, 2005 9:09 AM  
Blogger BuffyICS said...

Whatever happened to "Bob from I.T." and "Ross the Boss"?

August 17, 2005 9:44 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

You have no idea how happy you make me. I praise Jebus for you.

August 17, 2005 10:05 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Do you want to come over and ride in my El Camino? Let's hang, dude! You can wear my assless chaps.

August 17, 2005 10:05 AM  
Blogger snavy said...

I'm linking you right now - I cannot stop laughing!!

August 17, 2005 10:21 AM  
Blogger sharonb said...

Holla!, this little busy bee flew in for the honey flavor of the day and it was awesome as ever. you have a great nack! keep it up. lol hugs and smooches.

August 17, 2005 10:55 AM  
Blogger Laconfir said...

Considering you're such an 'entrepreneur' as you put it, and have expressed intrests in Advertising and Brand Developing, etc... I was wondering if you have read the book NoLogo by Naomi Klein, and if so, whether you agree or disagree with what she puts forward...

Whatever, nice blog, however the titles seem kind of narcissistic to me.

August 17, 2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger C Black - My old hacker alias said...

Uggghhhh - I think I am going to puke!

August 17, 2005 11:08 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Keep doin ya thing homie...
Next time, tell em Large Marge sent ya.

August 17, 2005 11:12 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Alright spot 41 n 42, bitches!!!

August 17, 2005 11:13 AM  
Blogger Faithmy said...

Sweet store....

August 17, 2005 11:30 AM  
Blogger Candee said...

Where is everyone getting the "burger" thing? They are picking on you for the typos but then they are reading it wrong. I'm confused!

August 17, 2005 11:36 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

One of these days I have to try the vodka and popcorn thing.

August 17, 2005 11:51 AM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

I like to coordinate my outfits to my new stores, too.

August 17, 2005 12:38 PM  
Blogger babyjewels said...

btw, my new store is of the adult variety. I call nexties on Fredo's asschaps.

August 17, 2005 12:41 PM  
Blogger Orkie said...

So is there really a basement in the Alamo?

August 17, 2005 1:38 PM  
Anonymous hair club said...

FREDO! FREDO! I want to come hang out with you too!!! Pleassssee??????

August 17, 2005 1:53 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

consider what playing croquet would do for your sex life.

August 17, 2005 1:53 PM  
Blogger Emerson Harris said...

Man, think of all the protein... Meatloaf everyday would drastically alter your sex life. Although... the changes to your digestive track would probably end your sex life.

August 17, 2005 2:01 PM  
Blogger Aliza said...

Why?

August 17, 2005 3:21 PM  
Blogger Ria said...

i'm a vodka drinker myself mainly because you don't taste anything when you burp later...you are one hilarious guy!

August 17, 2005 4:18 PM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Is a "buger" a different class of booger? Perhaps it is the snotty British variety.

"You crack me up man!'

You have to chekc out my Quest of Questions Blog. I am on a temp job this week and need some really kewl things to do and say.

Say kewl Bri!...Ps...I was in an Airport in Vegas last week and thought of you...lover.

August 17, 2005 4:53 PM  
Blogger Chesty said...

Have you considered what listening to Meat Loaf everyday would do to your sex life?

I thought I would learn spanish in Costa Rica. I got side tracked in Myrtle Beach and by the time Spring Break rolled around, I spoke fluent Redneck!

August 17, 2005 5:44 PM  
Blogger Yaz said...

Do you take it off any sweet jumps??

August 17, 2005 7:07 PM  
Blogger Lala said...

I think you're GREAT!!!! you make me laugh.

August 17, 2005 7:49 PM  
Blogger T.L. Barker said...

#3 Ever take it off some sweet jumps!?

August 17, 2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

shocks, pegs, lucky!

August 17, 2005 8:50 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

What sex life? :P No I kid, I tease...

August 17, 2005 8:53 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

I just generated 10 bucks for you on the adds...

August 17, 2005 8:55 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Alex:
Tell me to whom and where to send the payments...

August 17, 2005 8:59 PM  
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August 17, 2005 9:21 PM  
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August 17, 2005 9:39 PM  
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August 17, 2005 9:55 PM  
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August 17, 2005 10:03 PM  
Blogger Design Goddess said...

How cool are you that you get spammers to post on your blog??!!! I'm SO jealous! But, I wonder when they're actually going to talk about spam?! Nothin' better than Spam.....mmmmmm Spambuger.....

August 17, 2005 10:13 PM  
Blogger Saucy Lil' Tart said...

Well, I almost didn't comment 'cause I don't think you're a jerk. But I had to, since I have two cents to throw in, of course. But it's not important. It's just to say that it sounds like you got a lot accomplished. Right on, dawg.

August 17, 2005 10:46 PM  
Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

Eating Spam could do wonders for your sex life. Or Bean-o. After all, you are the most flatulent person I've ever come across.

August 17, 2005 11:08 PM  
Blogger Jess said...

oh how i enjoy this blog.

August 18, 2005 12:41 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Boy Friday in the assless/pantless chaps?

I want pictures.

Candee...my thoughts exactly.

Just for the record, I'm a big fan of Meatloaf. I listen to Paradise By the Dashboard Light everyday. And my sex life fucking rocks. Though, I really don't attribute that to listening to Meatloaf.

I love saucy chicks.

August 18, 2005 2:26 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I just have to mention...you can never advertise too much meat.

And Carne Asada tacos at five in the morning when you're totally buzzin' are more perfect than you'll ever know.

August 18, 2005 2:34 AM  
Blogger Chellarella said...

Thank you is all I have to say.....
my 80's name:
Hungry like the wolf

August 18, 2005 5:38 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Brian, I'll look 'that' up when I'm not at work. . . I just realized you said video. . .


I can still imagine. . .


LMAO,

Take Care,
~Ty

Oh, p.s-
Has anyone been checking out the b.s thats go'n on my neck of the woods? Apparently it turns out that I am a liberal heathen. And it a bad thing! Who knew!?

August 18, 2005 6:54 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

If Ty is a liberal Heathen than I am Ghandi! Get real people.

August 18, 2005 7:08 AM  
Blogger Perdita said...

NO TAG BACKS!!!

August 18, 2005 8:31 AM  
Blogger Trixie said...

I have interrupted my blog of questions for unusual events to do while on my temp job for the week.

http://questofquestions.blogspot.com/

Crazy ideas will be accepted and highly considered.

Brian...you are my muse!

August 18, 2005 8:46 AM  
Blogger beernazi said...

do the chickens have large talons?

August 18, 2005 9:17 AM  
Blogger Melissa said...

I also find myself reading you every day and I laugh so hard. You always make a bad day seem better.

August 18, 2005 9:33 AM  
Blogger sharonb said...

guess whos back and hungry for new trinkets. the new kid on the block:)) oh well, i will try again tomorrow.

August 18, 2005 9:34 AM  
Blogger Smile said...

Lol that is some funny stuff!

August 18, 2005 10:24 AM  
Blogger Kay Ray said...

funny stuff right there

August 18, 2005 10:55 AM  
Blogger msbrooksie said...

I'm becoming addicted to your blog! You have now become my daily laugh, giggle, and oh shit did he really say that :)

Thank you!
Brooksie

August 18, 2005 11:02 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Ooooo...large talons...

August 18, 2005 11:14 AM  
Blogger The Megan said...

High-larious as usual.

ps you're hot.

bye now.

August 18, 2005 12:25 PM  
Blogger carrotpenis said...

I had vox raspberry vodka and popcorn for dinner last night. How ironic.

August 18, 2005 1:06 PM  
Blogger The Unknown Author said...

HEY NICE SITE PLEASE CHECK OUT PART ONE OF MY NEW SUSPENCE STORY CALLED "NOT SO ALONE" THANKS!

August 18, 2005 1:32 PM  
Blogger Susie Q said...

Eating meatloaf every day kills your sex life and the sex life of cows. GO VEGGIE!

August 18, 2005 1:49 PM  
Blogger Noette said...

"9. Had vodka and popcorn for lunch...again"

hahaha You rock

August 18, 2005 2:55 PM  
Blogger justanothernickname said...

hey..........any of you people good writers,.............like if you r.........jump over to my blog and prove it

August 18, 2005 3:12 PM  
Blogger messedupmuggle said...

who the fuck is large marge

August 18, 2005 3:29 PM  
Blogger messedupmuggle said...

this blog rox ceck out mine although inspired by thisd one its nowhere near as good messedupmuggle.blogspot.com

August 18, 2005 3:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

How about not trying to figure out what your farts smell like, see what that will do for your sex life.

August 18, 2005 3:46 PM  
Blogger austinizer said...

i love large marge.

ps: there is NO basement in the alamo.

August 18, 2005 3:58 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

When I was 7, I had a bike just like that one! Can't remember the color, but...I was riding down the street, and I was riding down the street, with my Rainbow Bright super short lime green shorts, a halter top and some roller coster shoes, and the screws from the seat just fell off! The seat flew backwards, with me still on it. I was being dragged by the bike for a good 17 seconds, sparks from the metal seat grinding against the street flying in my eyes, 'fore I had the sense to let go of the damn handle bars. Kinda looked like Supergirl there. Well, if SuperGirl got drug around on the back of banana seat bikes that is. Took hours to pull all the gravel out my bloody knees. Still have the scars to prove it. And from that day forward my pops never prowled the neighhood for garbage can treasures.

August 18, 2005 4:03 PM  
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August 18, 2005 4:29 PM  
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August 18, 2005 4:37 PM  
Blogger jiggs said...

It's ironic that everyone is talking about Meatloaf. It's a little known fact, but the song lyric "I would do anything for love, but I won't do that" refers to the sexual act known as pegging.

August 18, 2005 8:05 PM  
Blogger Steve-o said...

Cracker Barrel has some sweet meatloaf, plus they always seem real happy that you are there. BTW your General Store rocked.

August 19, 2005 9:00 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Heheh...pegging can be a good time.

It's a wonderful way to express your love for one another.

Just be sure to keep that Astroglide handy!

August 19, 2005 10:10 AM  
Blogger lookingbusy said...

At least it was Grey Goose rich dude.

August 19, 2005 1:55 PM  
Blogger JOEBLEW said...

It would be great if you we could make you, "Rich Bitches". I think that is an outstanding name...

You should throw a comma in there somehwere.

August 21, 2005 12:08 AM  
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February 04, 2009 10:52 PM  

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