Highlights of My Day
1. Considered what having a dorsal fin would do for my sex life
2. Yelled "Mission accomplished!" after stopping to tie my shoes on a busy sidewalk
3. Tested the SPF of maple syrup...it is comparable to that of SPF 30
4. Weirded people out at the pool as I rubbed maple syrup on myself
5. Began using the salutation, "Boobs are great," at the closing of each e-mail and letter I write
6. Took a $1,000 bet in which I will have to shotgun a beer in the middle of an upcoming job interview
7. Practiced stop-drop-and roll, and looking both ways techniques
8. Set a new goal of writing a book which can be judged by it's cover
9. Revealed my true identity
10. Began selling wrist bands that say "What Would R. Kelly Do?"
2. Yelled "Mission accomplished!" after stopping to tie my shoes on a busy sidewalk
3. Tested the SPF of maple syrup...it is comparable to that of SPF 30
4. Weirded people out at the pool as I rubbed maple syrup on myself
5. Began using the salutation, "Boobs are great," at the closing of each e-mail and letter I write
6. Took a $1,000 bet in which I will have to shotgun a beer in the middle of an upcoming job interview
7. Practiced stop-drop-and roll, and looking both ways techniques
8. Set a new goal of writing a book which can be judged by it's cover
9. Revealed my true identity
10. Began selling wrist bands that say "What Would R. Kelly Do?"
posted by immixmarketer at 8:11 PM
86 Comments:
coming from a band geek...that hurts
A dorsal fin hu??? well I see it hindering you being on bottom. Hey if you like it on top or any other way that you are not on your back then it could be quite interesting. I have always wanted to go swimming with dolphins.
Wow, you're Zach Morris!
I love your site! How much money are you making via 'donations'? I may try that. Keep up the good work.
Alright, now what in the world would you do with the fin? It would make females run if you are trying to stick it somewhere. This blog is definitely marked. Funny.
So I have to admit I had nothing else to do on Sunday that I sat and watched all the chapters for Trapped in the Closet online...
HAHA. Where can I purchase one of these "What would R.Kelly do?" wrist bands?
Hey Brian,
For your information, maple syrup is used regularly as a sunscreen up here in Canada, eh! It looks hot, but gets tricky if any part of your anatomy comes into contact with sand....
-Rach-
YOu are so completely random and absolutely frickin' hilarious!
I want to rub maple syrup all over your dorsal fin. Talk about foreplay!
Then we could do it doggy-style, so your fin can flail about freely.
One thing that's good about doggy-style is that both of us can see what's on T.V. Porn is usually a good choice; however, Saved By the Bell is a great alternative option.
R. Kelly can stay in the closet and listen. Hopefully you're a screamer.
I have to admit that you write one funny blog. I need to make sure I was getting the whole you and that I had something to compare "the whole you" to. I found that your's puts the biggest grin on my face. Thanks for using your talents to make other people's days better.
By the way, did that maple syrup wash off? LOL
Did you ever decide the "name Crystal's boobs contest".
Just wondering.
So your true identity is Zach Morris!....I knew it all along!!!
maybe they have a strap on dorsal fin you could try out....
where do you come up with these things? its amazing how funny you are! send me an email we should talk.... Kahlua207@msn.com
by the way, names Heather ;)
Yo yo yo
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
its nice to know that there is someone else out there who enjoys syrup as much as i do. once again you have managed to write another brilliant blog!
your best blog yet Brian
Maple syrup?
didn't it attract a lot of bugs?
I like a pierced fin.
Oooo...a PIERCED fin.
Now, I'm excited.
That is SO hot, Spinning Girl.
Mmmm...
LOVE the R. Kelly wrist band idea! What color would it be???
good one today. keep up the funny stuf
Any idea the spf of semen? I was going to use some at the beach last weekend.
-MW
Bloggers are sinners. therefore all bloggers should repent and be saved, and dont try to call out my hypocricy by stating that I am a blogger...God told me to do this.
BAM!
God 71
sinners 0
TCOJCOEMLDS
update since last blog...
God 72
sinners 0
TCOJCOEMLDS
5. Began using the salutation, "Boobs are great," at the closing of each e-mail and letter I write
If you use it at the closing of all of your letters, then it's not really a salutation, now is it? :)
I had some french toast with maple syrup for breakfast this morning and considered putting some of the syrup on my noise before heading out the door.
Buff Arms on Good-looking Men are great too!
Very clever...
your highlights never cease to humor my absent sense of humor. smoke breaks have become obsolete. shibby.
I am without sin because I drive a t-top IROC camaro, bitches. Plus, I have white leather pants on and my plums are bulging like a pair of swollen moose knucles.
Dude this is great stuff, can i tell my friends?
does your mom know about this
does your mom know about this
Sounds like a good day.
Um, get your stop,drop,and roll practice in now, no way you'll get it done with a dorsal!
I want a wristband! Hahaha. I love the inmate pic you posted of him, too. Hahahahah.
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The *REAL* question is What Would P. Diddy Do?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
Nice lol. A day that is worth having. Where's the dorsal fin going to be? I want one of those wristbands, brilliant idea.
I would take that $1,000 bet - that is kick ass.
http://rawski.blogspot.com/
I do so love you! LOL! BTW...would a dorsal fin really work???
Marry me! We can fragrant the world with our farts and ponder the absurd together.
Man you are really funny thanks for the laughs!
Boobies have names. Find out what yours are called.
http://www.blogthings.com/boobiename.html
Type in your name and submit.
Frodo rocks!
WTF with the chain letter.
Now I see why people hide comments.
beernazi--you didn't know who R.Kelly was?
Zack Morris? LOL. Can I be Lisa?
Just what would you be using your dorsal fin for in your sex life? I fear for the answer.
Well, since you figured me out, Daddy...if you're ever into doin' it R. Kelly style with a 14-yr-old, I'd be more than happy to wrap-on a strap-on for you and pretend to be a boy.
I'm definitely down with roleplay.
Fredo can watch, as long as he promises to wear those white leather pants.
If I had a dollar for every time I asked myself "what would R. Kelly do", I'd have about 18 bucks.
Fredo's hair do is bangin'!!!
yeah, uh, i think i love you a little bit.
yep, yep i do.
that's the best laugh I've had in a while! (just came to your blog randomly)
Ohhh...alright...
...Fredo doesn't have to watch.
Fredo, can I borrow your white leather pants? Preferably before Labor Day.
damn! fredo's hair and sideburns always steal brian's thunder!
Okay, Brian, I know you get close to 100 comments a day, but in addition to reading your completely hilarious blog, I love reading your witty comebacks to the people that comment on your blog.
Be it as it may, it is true most of them aren't worth commenting on.....
1. Baked huge tray of heroin-laced muffins for daughter's cheer camp.
2. Entered long-term symbiotic relationship with a mollusk.
3. Spent three hours debunking Jungian philosophies of collective unconscious.'
4. Later ate 20-piece chicken nugget meal without questioning the make-up of various chicken pieces, each molded to look like the state of Maine. Wondered if native Americans or early continental settlers would eat such a concoction. Then was compelled at an unconscious level to fight fry cook. Re-thought #3.
5. Spent a few hours in county lock-up. Met man named Latrice, who taught me to beat box.
6. Upon release, practiced my new musical abilities on nearby street corner.
7. Beaten unconscious by roving band of street thugs.
8. Mollusk entered "trial separation" period, based on accused breech of contract on my part.
9. Called McDonald's corporate headquarters, asked for secret nugget recipe and/or contents. Both were refused, citing "trade secrets".
10. Traded my watch, pants, and one shoe for 9-foot donkey and set out on cross country trek to raise money/awareness for stem cell research.
Well how u gonna win that bet though? The one you laid a bet with isn't gonna be there is he? or is he the one taking your interview?!
Would be funny nevertheless, if that really happens. Think i'm gonna try it just to see how the losers in front of me react!
I love your wishlist.
Funny you should mention that you're Zack Morris... I just watched "Saved by the Bell: The College Years" for the first time this morning at the gym. Throw in AC Slater and we got ourselves a good sammich! Yum!
A dorsal fin aint gonna work for me unless I was gonna get it on with a dolphin! Am gonna try "Mission accomplished!" real soon!
most people run the other way when they see a dorsal fin...
Yo, Brian. I'm guessing maybe many are not as familiar with the phrase "sportin' a dorsal" as maybe you thought?
Or maybe it's difficult to draw that fine line b/w the literal and the absurd.
I always go literal.
It's the way Jesus would want it.
Jesus and Justice Rhenquist.
Oh, and Lord Cribbage.
Of course.
That Dorsal Fin thingy had me in fits... it's fun to imagine a "typical YOU" through your highlights...i love your blog!
Shouldn't those wristbands say "Who would R. Kelly do?". Just a thought. By the way, I dig your blog.
very funny. i added your link to my blog and stole your idea for the day. thanx
You're hilarious!!!
Fuckin' hilarious shit, man!! BRAVO!! "The applause!"
http://bclark71.blogspot.com/
Hey man. I love this blog. You remind me of my long lost brother. Thanks for that. I hope you don't mind I've added your link to my blog. Keep up the good work.
www.oneassclowncenter.blogspot.com
LET ME SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT!
All you wanna-be Fredo fans better back the "F" up because I aint letting anyone get their hands on that swamp butt before me! So y'all just better get back in line, ya hear!
Man... drives me crazy thinking about those white leather pants.
you have very interesting days, and I love reading about them!
Do you think honey has the same SPF as syrup?
A dorsal fin...did you come to any conclusions about what that would do for your sex life? I'm just wondering if you think it would be a positive or a negative thing.
Muggle Person:
Hearing about Boy Friday's farts gets me wet.
Speak for yourself.
Remember, just because you may be disgusted by something doesn't mean it ain't turnin' somebody else on.
Messedupmugglechick::: funny you should comment like that, when , on your own profile, one of YOUR interests is "Being totally pointless"...lol
I LOVE this blog...it is the funniest thing and a well worth blog to look at. I was truly laughing outloud! Way to GO!
Blogs become mainstream
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Really good blog here! I will be checking it again.
Check mine ##KEYWORD# # if you get a chance.
I had just deciede I would start reading someones blog randomly, cuz it'd be cool to keep up to date with someone i've never mets life...and I clicked on urs quite randomly, very very funny but seems like i'm not the only person reading this one! lol. *Depressing* So I shall move on to some like myselves blog, without 118 comments! lol. xxx
SHIT!
, , Shannon directed me here
she said ur HILARIOUS, ,
she is mistaken
dumb SHANNON
What about Ja? Someone get me Ja! What would Ja do!?
Dorsel fins are a sore point when puberty kicks around.
i love reading your highlights of the day...they are really funny! I will add u to my links...
www.servergirl.blogspot.com
I just randomly stumbled upon this blog(like so many others) and I must say: I love you.
You are wonderful.
And reading your highlights just brightend my day.
Oh! And boobs ARE great, yay!
Wow, John. 152 new maneuvers, huh?
What an extensive imagination you have.
I'm impressed.
And very turned on.
Now, I need to go find me a man with a dorsal...
ohhh yeah
poke me with that dorsal
that smooth hard rubbery dorsal..
SHINY SHINY SHINY!!!!!!!!!!
Arzenne,
I like you a lot.
Cock IS wonderful.
I'm jealous of your massive amount of comments! Makes me feel so... unloved.
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