Highlights of My Day
1. Played a game of "how much shit can I knock of the shelves at Target"
2. Tried to order an M&M Blizzard with cookie dough at Starbucks
3. Had a dream I owned the yacht from Jay-Z's video...woke up in a bathtub
4. Also, in the same dream, I dreamt I was making out with Beyonce...woke up in the bathtub rubbing a loofah
5. Ate silly putty out of pure boredom
6. Shat out silly putty...renamed it shitty putty
7. TiVo'd the 2005 Miss USA contest...I now have plans for the entire weekend
8. Ran into a girl I went to high school with and literally said out loud, "hey...(slight pause) I have no clue what your name is."...smooth
9. Ran up and down my hallway yelling "Ready or not...here I come!"
10. Invented "Lucky Golden Smacks"...combining the fluffy marshmellows from lucky charms, and the crispy crunch of golden grahms with the added feature of Smacks' cereal making your urine smell quite odd..."all together 9 of 10 tastebuds say it's brilliant"
Fart Flavor of the Day: Grilled Styrofoam on a Sesame Seed Bun
80's Name of the Day: Speaks with Teddy Ruxpin
2. Tried to order an M&M Blizzard with cookie dough at Starbucks
3. Had a dream I owned the yacht from Jay-Z's video...woke up in a bathtub
4. Also, in the same dream, I dreamt I was making out with Beyonce...woke up in the bathtub rubbing a loofah
5. Ate silly putty out of pure boredom
6. Shat out silly putty...renamed it shitty putty
7. TiVo'd the 2005 Miss USA contest...I now have plans for the entire weekend
8. Ran into a girl I went to high school with and literally said out loud, "hey...(slight pause) I have no clue what your name is."...smooth
9. Ran up and down my hallway yelling "Ready or not...here I come!"
10. Invented "Lucky Golden Smacks"...combining the fluffy marshmellows from lucky charms, and the crispy crunch of golden grahms with the added feature of Smacks' cereal making your urine smell quite odd..."all together 9 of 10 tastebuds say it's brilliant"
Fart Flavor of the Day: Grilled Styrofoam on a Sesame Seed Bun
80's Name of the Day: Speaks with Teddy Ruxpin
posted by immixmarketer at 9:21 PM
54 Comments:
Add to your list
11. Decided to shorten word 'graham' to grahm
who likes raw styrofoam anyways?
Just love your posts. My Husband has done cheerieos (sp?), frosted flakes and coco puffs before. Must be a man thing.
Can a Man help a Mother out? I have a poll going on which Halloween costume to get my son. If you could stop by and put in your vote I would greatly appreciate it.
Everyone is welcome to come by and vote. Just click on my "blue" name above this post.
Thanks!!!!
Hey Brian,
What was your Target-wrecking record? I demolished an aisle and a half in 2.4 minutes, during my visit a few weeks ago.
-Rach-
P.S. My name would be Smacks with Slap Bracelet.... or maybe Talks With Ewoks.
-Rach-
Eighties Indian name? Jaime Escalante with Wolves. I owe you 4 bucks
never thought i'd ask anyone this in my lifetime, but... what did the farts preceding the shitty putty smell like?
How's this for an 80's name:
YoYo who wakes you up before you go-go
Found your blog earlier. I came back and glad I did. You crack me up.
fu, whadaya mean what did the shitty putty farts smell like. They smelled like shit of course!
I like to play the game, "How much shit can I defecate ONTO the shelves at Target." Funny though, no one ever wants to play WITH me.
Yeah, I often scream, "Ready, or not, here I cum."
I know you're from Chi-town, Bri...have you been to Cereality yet? You can create all sorts of fun breakfast feasts there. It's so great.
God, what I would give to lick Beyonce's ass just once! I'd even let Jay-Z watch.
I was hoping for something different.
I played a game at Target once. Try my cart game when you can: sit in a shopping cart and say to passers-by, "Push Me?". Everybody wins at Push Me!
--Speaks With Teddy Ruxpin
Good thing you didn't eat play dough man...that one would have been too easy, and you would have ended up with "Doo Doo Dough."
so amusing!!!
this is awesome. i laughed so hard i almost peed.
p.s. i linked you
.....lucky, you have silly putty!
www.bryanstupar.blogspot.com
It's amazing how many people drink your kool-aid. AND you get them to link without linking to them - can I just call you Jim Jones Friday?
-MW
Greatness. I play the Target game all the time.
Speaking of Teddy Ruxpin they are re-releasing him. *shudders*
My 80's name would be "Prances With My Little Pony"
Target wouldn't be a bad place to play that game, but I'd play more at Wal-Mart...just to spite the fuckers.
Target chicks are hard to pick up because they are so damn uppity in their SUVs and fancy sedans. I prefer Wal-Mart because in that parking lot, whether prowling in my El Camino or rumbling through with my IROC-Z, I am a golden god and the sweaty, redneck women pine for my plums.
To add to Allison's idea, we used to put Ozzy in Teddy Ruxpin. Ted rocks!!!
from Flies with The Greatest American Hero
80's name:
Just Says No
Saying maybe is so much more fun than saying no.
I can't remember the names of anybody that I went to highschool with. I always just say.. Hey, whats up?
80's name:
Totally Bogus Dude!
I have sooooooo been there with the name thing. I never remember anyone's name!! Just last week, seen a guy I hung out with all the time in high school, he comes up and hugs me. I had no clue what his name was! I always say "hey stranger!" and just drop it.
absolutely hilarious
My 80s name is LONG DUCK DONG.
Maybe I would use "Travels with TrapperKeeper"
8. My similar problem: a co-worker from my past often comes into my place of employment. Same story every time. I look him dead in the eye and say, " Hi, how ya doin'? " Smiling at him while thinking to myself, What is your FREAKIN' name?!
Breakdances with (Siouxsie and the)Banshees...
Funny stuff. I don't have cash, but could donate a Target gift card.
Haha, funny stuff...
my 80's name would be Easy Bakes with My Little Pony
Try playing with the balls in the kid aisles and knocking out a ceiling tile for throwing it too high. You've never seen two chicks run so fast in opposite directions in all your life!
My 80's Name: For Tainted Love Call Jenny at 867-5309
you never cease to make me laugh :)
Those are my two favourite cereals! I love them. They're not sold in NZ :,(
Didn't the loofah hurt?
Good stuff as always!
My 80's name would be "Acid Washed Monchichi.
Pogos on Balls
OMG! Teddy Ruxpin! I forgot all about him! LOL!
Kristine, I'm not so sure he does. Let's say mean things about him so he stays on his toes.
Mofo, did you not get much action in the 80's?
I play that Target game all the time - except I do it unintentionally. I completely embarrass anyone I'm with. It's fabulous.
I think my 80's name would be--
Rocked Out To Krokus.
If anyone else remebers the band Krokus, HA! Loser! Oh wait a minute....
I graduated with 17 people, so I unfortunately know their first, middle and last names. Walks with jellies. That's funny.
Mmm ... Smacks and Coco Krispies.
Pretty funny stuff
How shitty is your putty again?
The really scary thing is that the comments from readers get even scarier than the post!
I think it's just more about silly putty than I ever wanted to know.
C'mon Frodo be honest... Dude you don't even need an 80's name. Holla!!!
I want some of that cereal it sounds like shit but im hungry
Thanks, I was feeling glum today. I nearly wet my pants laughing at this.
My 80's Name: JAMS with Members Only
Maybe you should consider "capturing" your "emissions" in jars and selling them on ebay... it could happen.
-N
Best blog I've ever seen.
Can't stop coming back.
You're totally linked, bookmarked, and worshipped.
80's name: Huey Lewis Spews
I love to invent new flavors of cereal as well.
Blake
Brian, one word: genius!
However, I am somewhat surprised that nobody has mentioned the ThunderCats yet!
Snarf!
Capturing emissions doesn't really work. I've tried it. They eventually evaporate into a very unattractive crust-type thing.
Dear Mr. Death,
Punctuation is hot.
Use it.
Even if your opinion is pointless, those little symbols will help you to convey your message much more clearly.
Or, maybe you enjoy being annoying.
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