The Highlights of My Day
1. Aggressively yelled at the kids playing Marco polo by the pool...Again
2. Pretty sure I overhead one of them call me a "fuckin ass clown"
3. Saw a lady with the longest ass known to man
4. Had vodka and popcorn for lunch
5. Sank your battleship
6. Realized the only thing keeping "nut-hugger" shorts from making a comeback was me
7. Inhaled paint fumes with the maintenance guys at my building
8. Asked for a Dick Burger at the Carl's Jr. drive-thru
9. Submitted a script for a sitcom whos characters are obsessed with game shows and try out for reality shows
10. Nominated Brother Dog for the worst mullet of the year award
Lie of the Day: That kid who keeps winning the hotdog eating contests, used to be a foreign exchange student in my high school
2. Pretty sure I overhead one of them call me a "fuckin ass clown"
3. Saw a lady with the longest ass known to man
4. Had vodka and popcorn for lunch
5. Sank your battleship
6. Realized the only thing keeping "nut-hugger" shorts from making a comeback was me
7. Inhaled paint fumes with the maintenance guys at my building
8. Asked for a Dick Burger at the Carl's Jr. drive-thru
9. Submitted a script for a sitcom whos characters are obsessed with game shows and try out for reality shows
10. Nominated Brother Dog for the worst mullet of the year award
Lie of the Day: That kid who keeps winning the hotdog eating contests, used to be a foreign exchange student in my high school
posted by immixmarketer at 8:32 PM
43 Comments:
The humor is back my friend
I'm having vodka for dinner tonight, but not with popcorn. I'll have it with cereal tonight, I think.
Hey! You sunk my battleship!
Check out these nut huggers and mullets.
At least you drink the good vodka.
wow, vodka with popcorn. i am going to see wedding crashers tonight...maybe i'll bring my flask.
why are you obsessed w/your farts and what they smell like?
Hell of a good day.
I usually have gin and popcorn... but to each their own.
Goodness, you had a big day with vodka and paint fumes!
Ha the longest ass lady known to man! That made me laugh!
I can't believe you use IE.
My God...I just love your blog. It's the greatest. I've been just lurking for a while, but I decided to write because you never fail to put a smile on my face even on my worst days! Thanks so much!
That's so funny Juliabohemian. You have that sweet little girl photo, and the Christian Girl profile, and then you type "dick burger" with full knowledge that the dude did not mean Dick short for Richard, but was in fact referring to his manhood.
Rock on!
I believe free-balling is the real obstacle standing in the way of nut-huggers coming back--there'd be way too much hairy bubble gum and lumpy grape smuggling to account for in the absence of underwear.
Blake
Last week in rehab I saw people putting...get this...MILK on their f***ing cereal. Can you believe that shit?!? As if!!!
"Saw a lady with the longest ass known to man"
Wow man, you need to post a picture of that! I agree with Jimmy - the humor is back
Hi Brian!
Thanks for the visit.
It was absolutely my pleasure to bring your "changeroom faux pas" to an end.... glad I could help. But, I must ask....have you ever been told to change in the middle of the store? Ah, maybe I'm the only one making such requests....
Anyways, if you ever need any other intriguing advice from a Canadian neighbour, you know who to turn to!
-Rach-
P.S. Sorry man, but nobody can sink my battleship.
You're a fucking ass clown!
Marco...
Vodka is my favourite between meal snack. Between breakfast and lunch and then again between lunch and dinner. I also enjoy it WITH my lunch. And it goes great with dinner. It's particularly good with orange juice in the morning. And Absolut Vanilia makes for a great dessert. Vodka is just a great all around food choice. So much so, that I've given it the top slot on my food pyramid. I'm glad to hear that others are enjoying it as part of their daily meal plan. Gooooooooo Vodka!!
Free-ballin' is always an exciting surprise. I, myself, am fond of a day of free-muffin' it from time to time. Though, I'm usually wearing a garter-belt and stockings whilst doing so. Which are better than nut huggers anyday.
Kate, your link...hilarious. Kiwi accents turn me on.
Hi Brian & fellow fans of 1 of the most entertaining sites around. I raise my glass of wine to you with an explanation of "the lady w/the longest ass."
Picture this:
A place to set not only your drink on but any and all of your snacks.(like a portable card table) How's that?
Your day sucks! But not as bad as mine.
dickburger.....ummmmm.....
Mullets are so ... mmm ... yummmmmm
Long Live the Mullet!
So funny. I love to come here and check it out for a daily laugh. I've never read anything as funny as your blog. It makes me laugh all by myself and I feel like a "fucking ass clown" for doing it!!! Thanks B!!
Did you shake a stick at the kids too?
Ahhh paint fumes - just as good as white out.
worst mullet? that's the best mullet being sported.
I thought all mullets should be voted for the worst (sorry mullet lovers... my hubby included)
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DickBurger huh? Sure didn't need any cream over it...
Next time show up at the pool in your thong from Victoria's Secret. I know I would love to hear the comment on that one.
I'll show you a mullet, bitches, and you'll love it. Run your fingers through my hair and find all the spider nests. Nothing says, "I'm the God of Sex," like a freshly fluffed mullet.
Ryan, is that you?
A Sex Tape W/ Colin! NOW THATS HOT!
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I already submitted a script for a sitcom whos characters are obsessed with reality shows and try out for game shows
OMG!!!!!! I love corn on the cob!!!!!!!
I had toffee-flavored popcorn for lunch. I needed a lot of vodka to think that shit tasted good.
Allison -
I've actually been in San Antonio getting some plastic surgery done so I can look like the lead singer of Stryper, Michael Sweet. But don't worry, my love for you remains.
Teabaggin 24/7 -
Fredo
funny stuff , enjoy your site.
"Vodka and Popcorn"? Mixed together in a bowl like breakfast cereal??
NOW you're on to something. That could be the new slacker breakfast: N.S.B.
Lol actually I prefer corn off the cob, I like to cut by hand and then eat it all at once. That way you kinda invest time and effort, sometimes sweat, tears, even blood, and then enjoy it later.
http://r2000.blogspot.com
I ate a Dick's burger once, with tartar sauce, and had indigestion for about twelve hours. Disgusting. I think it's probably illegal to say that in Seattle.
You shouldn't fuck ass while you are inside a pool...makes you look like a clown.
vodka and popcorn is the best. It's usually what i eat when i go on diets. It's very fat free. Probably not good for you, but who cares? I'm losing weight and feeling good!
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