Friday, July 22, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Threw a fit
2. Seriously considered getting a "bowl" haircut
3. Ran out of lunch meat...invented the Doritos sandwich
4. Mapquested the North Pole
5. Shat out a T-bone
6. Wondered if people still get braces, or if that was just a fad of the 80's & 90's
7. Continued my quest to track down Don Lupre, and kick his ass
8. Farts are smelling like black liquorish and orange juice
9. Sent in a request to be on MTV Made...I want to learn how to make somebody my prison bitch
10. Re-named the STD term for "the clap" to "the applause"


Blogger mofo said...

Lupre is hardcore. I got your back, holla!

July 22, 2005 10:33 AM  
Blogger melissa said...

Why did you throw a fit? Because you ran out of lunch meat and stole credit for the Doritos sandwich I inveted?

P/S Only Nacho Cheese counts, none of the pussy Cool Ranch Doritos...

July 22, 2005 10:35 AM  
Blogger Gex said...

Actually, I invented and patented the Doritos sandwich, seriously. Also the Cheetoes and Pringles 'wiches.

July 22, 2005 10:36 AM  
Blogger Steve-o said...

now I'm hungry. Damn

July 22, 2005 10:37 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

what made you rename an STD?

July 22, 2005 10:41 AM  
Blogger Perdita said...

I’ve been waiting for you to post. I ran into this and thought TCF crowd will LOVE this

July 22, 2005 10:42 AM  
Blogger Perdita said...

Okay sorry
I ment to do this

July 22, 2005 10:46 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

I wish I had that many highlights in my day...I'm soooooo bored!

Nice site. I love the picture.

July 22, 2005 10:55 AM  
Anonymous NJJ said...

Let's reconsider the "bowl" cut my friend. We dont' need anoth Joey Lawrence... Whoa!

Yes, people DO actually still get braces, they're just invisible now-a-days. Gone are the colored elastics, my firend.

Applause to you for raising the bar on thd STD names. "The Applause" is so much classier!

July 22, 2005 11:01 AM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

Hey hey, you're the Monkees!

July 22, 2005 11:03 AM  
Blogger Just Me said...

So how far is the North Pole? I'd throw a fit too if I didn't have lunch meat and had to have a Doritos sandwich.

July 22, 2005 11:05 AM  
Blogger Pseudo-intellectual lunatic said...

std ay
wat u mean by clap thing

July 22, 2005 11:23 AM  
Blogger DM said...

I kicked the North Pole's ass one time. The North Pole is a total pussy, though. I recommend dragging Lupre to the South Pole -- much more street than the North.

Your ability to clap will come in hady with a prison bitch.

July 22, 2005 11:37 AM  
Blogger LilTanLines said...

How does one become a prison bitch?!?!?! By dropping the soap in the shower???

July 22, 2005 11:49 AM  
Blogger NateNinja said...

Why do you sing in the shower? I usally like to fart there. And how did you make that Doritos sandwhich it sounds cool?

Please more fart updates. Min smell like deviled eggs and rotten milk. I could call them deviled milk farts not to be confused with milk duds. Do you think mik duds came from little poopy ideas?

July 22, 2005 12:14 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

now i am craving doritos like a son of a bitch. thanks

July 22, 2005 12:18 PM  
Blogger Honey said...

If we're renaming STD's, how about changing "the crabs" to "the lobsters"

July 22, 2005 12:18 PM  
Blogger Trixie said...

Ok why DID you throw a fit? Does that mean you are really tone now? Is that a new workout routine?

"You too can have a tone body with Throw a Fit workout. Jsut throw a fit once a day at least and watch those pounds melt away. For finer toning throw a fit more than once a day. To shed off extra pounds in minutes throw a fit in a public place and be hauled away by the cops! Eating jail food will increase the chances of weight loss."

July 22, 2005 12:24 PM  
Blogger NateNinja said...

How can you throw a fit? If it's on you. do you jsut grab it like a piece of dough?

July 22, 2005 12:27 PM  
Blogger Alice said...

dammit, i want doritos too. that easy mac i had for lunch is NOT cutting it anymore.

July 22, 2005 12:30 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Hmmmmm........bowl haircut. You're quite the trendsetter!

July 22, 2005 12:42 PM  
Blogger Lesley said...

I read this shit about "prison bitches" about 2 months ago. I had nightmares and I am seconds from puking right now. *shakes head*
Fuck... your list is great but jogging my memory about strange and repulsive sex practices in correctional facilities is baaaad.
I'm going to eat 4 snack size bags of dorritos now and hope that kills all the bad visuals.

July 22, 2005 12:58 PM  
Blogger Erika said...

is the profile picture really you? Let us know if MTV accepts you. I'll be watching, for sure.

July 22, 2005 1:11 PM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Dude if u shat out a t-bone ur ass is ripped.

July 22, 2005 1:34 PM  
Blogger Renegade said...

today i found this blog,

July 22, 2005 1:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

your thought for the day is "Not found"
how profound

July 22, 2005 1:37 PM  
Blogger If I tell ya, I'll have to kill ya said...

Hey, I've been reading your blog for quite some time now. Hilarious stuff.

What I wanna know is, why fart and waste it if you can burp and taste it?

Drop by my place sometime.

July 22, 2005 1:42 PM  
Blogger C Black - My old hacker alias said...

Count me in! Lupre has got to go down, right into the prison bitch theme, eh?

July 22, 2005 2:02 PM  
Blogger austinizer said...

Did none of you see The Breakfast Club? Ally Sheedy invented the doritos and pixi-sticks sandwich.

July 22, 2005 2:05 PM  
Blogger Renegade said...

damn im getting better at this already

July 22, 2005 2:22 PM  
Blogger Lee Ann said...

I applaud you! Would like to see your bowl cut if you get it. I don't like licorice, but that combination is interesting.

July 22, 2005 2:33 PM  
Blogger kendy474 said...

I <-- that is underlined 3 times in my head. invented the doritos sandwich when I was in like 3rd grade... cuz I didn't eat like ANY meat when I was a kid. so :P that was back in 92-93

July 22, 2005 3:05 PM  
Blogger Walter said...

1. Did it last long?
2. The chilli "bowl" haircut beats a mullet any day.
3. I've invented the bread sandwhich.
4. Why north? What's wrong with the South pole?
5. Sounds painful.
6. Definitely a fad, nowadays braces are hidden.
7. You wouldn't need back up, but I'd like to have your back; just let me get one good roundhouse kick in.
8. My farts smell like, well, farts.
9. If you get this wish, and you cell mate has to be made your beeyatch, would you rather he fight back against it, or just give in to you?
10. I've renamed the Zen Koan of "Make the sound of one hand clapping" to "Make the sound of one STD".

July 22, 2005 3:12 PM  
Blogger Uncle Gekko said...

at least 'the applause' sounds better than 'the standing o'

July 22, 2005 3:51 PM  
Blogger T.L. Barker said...

Feverish Applause!?

July 22, 2005 6:37 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

mmm yum a dorito sandwhich, reminds me of breakfast club the movie.

July 22, 2005 7:00 PM  
Blogger Juliabohemian said...

I thought you HAD a bowl haircut.

July 22, 2005 7:32 PM  
Blogger rubes said...

Your blog is awesome and your posts are just absolutely hilarious!

And about your wishlist...
why would you want a Dora the Explorer bucket and shovel?

July 22, 2005 7:47 PM  
Blogger Holly Golightly said...

You are hilarious

July 22, 2005 9:32 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hi Brian!
Just wanted to say that i'm quite impressed.... not many people really grasp the proper usage of the term "shat". Kudos to you.

July 22, 2005 11:05 PM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

I once applied to be a VJ on MTV and they sent me back a coupon for $45 off a straight-jacket and the name of a good psychologist in my area. I don't think they liked my audition tape.


July 23, 2005 12:24 AM  
Anonymous Terry Jones said...

Those are some *sweet* pictures you have going on your ads!

July 23, 2005 1:15 AM  
Blogger afp763389 said...

sounds even more sacri than fice :P

July 23, 2005 3:04 AM  
Anonymous THE hair club said...

I only visit your blog to see what Fredo Teabaggins has to say. Thank you.

July 23, 2005 7:26 AM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

I don't know what they're putting in the water over at Casual Friday, but all of the readers have completely lost it. We're talkin' all the way around the bend. It's getting a little alarming.

July 23, 2005 7:52 AM  
Blogger Johnny Menace said...

Am i the only one craving some black liquorish and orange juice?

July 23, 2005 7:56 AM  
Blogger Rose-Colored Beer Goggles said...

Don't say I never gave you anything...

July 23, 2005 9:06 AM  
Blogger Karishmaa said...


July 23, 2005 10:13 AM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

Since everyone is whining about who invented the snack chip sandwich, I might as well weigh in with my accomplishments. I am quite possibly the greatest inventor in the history of mankind, but also the most unknown. for the record, I invented:

Mob Violence, Chocolate Covered Cherries, Sleeping In, "The Finger", Sneak Attacks, French Toast, Winking, Madison Square Garden, Doggy Style, Nooggutt (found in Snickers, Milky Way, 3 Musketeer), Fashionable Lateness, the little brown bag for your beer-on-the-go, Peach Fuzz, and Cadillacs.

Although not all of my inventions have been successful, such as Pocket Protectors and Tooth Decay, they have been instrumental in the creation of some of my greatest, like Reservoir End Condoms and Belize.

You're welcome.

July 23, 2005 10:44 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I invented "The Threesome" drink. I dated Mike of Mikes Hard Lemonaide. And I had a hand in Jack Daniels.

Yes. Yes I did.

July 23, 2005 3:07 PM  
Blogger legerdemon said...

I just stumbled across your blog and, although I'm far from original in my revelation, you're quite funny.

July 23, 2005 5:00 PM  
Blogger rawbean said...

I like what's going on here, you're doing very well for far as blogs go.

Also, I came 'this close' to ordering the 'more cowbell' shirt but I closed the window when the shipping to Canada cost more than the shirt. Les boos (that's french for boooo.)

July 23, 2005 5:04 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

hmm good post... lunch meat is way overrated anyways, youre better off withthe chips

July 23, 2005 5:57 PM  
Blogger Steven Rawski said...

This is a killer blog - nice job

July 23, 2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Rubes, it could only be because Dora, the Explorer, is mad sexy.

And, Daddy, thank you for inventing reservoir-tip rubbers. Thank you very much.

Mr. Teabaggins.....tsk, tsk...

July 23, 2005 10:05 PM  
Anonymous Pottermaniabooks said...

Great site!

Help us find the Daily Show Couch.

Shop AllpromDresses

July 23, 2005 10:12 PM  
Blogger A-Nobody said...

you did NOT invetn the doritos sandwich!!!!!!

July 24, 2005 12:23 AM  
Blogger Again - author said...

Man mad...

July 24, 2005 1:07 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

I don't go on vacation anymore. I just take trips via Google Earth. Cheap. No terrorists. And I got in so close one time I could see my ass crack as I was bent over fixing my El Camino.

July 24, 2005 2:13 AM  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

Hey I've been lurking for about a week now... You definitely come up with some funny ass shit!

Love the Doritos sandwich bit. Been there my friend. Try making yourself a Ramen Noodle casserole sprinkled with crushed Doritos on top. You haven't actually hit total rock bottom in the grocery department until you start creating recipes for all the sucky food left in the cabinet you don't want to eat. In fact.... maybe that can be a highlight for another day. :-)

July 24, 2005 2:37 AM  
Blogger clew said...

My dog's farts smell like sauerkraut.

July 24, 2005 7:16 AM  
Blogger Pappy said...

Don Lupre happens to be my best friend. You've just got a war wagged on you!

Mackin with Pappy

July 24, 2005 8:30 AM  
Blogger Myrtle Beach Stuff said...

The doritoes sandwich was, and this is definitive, invented by workers on the fritolay assembly line where Bobby Hill tasted his first warm dorito. I thought I would enjoy Costa Rica Travel, then I figured that Myrtle Beach Group Lodging would satisfy me, now i just blog.

July 24, 2005 1:14 PM  
Blogger L.Bo Marie said...

the sound I make when I read your blog...
thanks for the laugh

July 24, 2005 1:54 PM  
Blogger Kristina said...

Ok you crack my shit UP! Will you marry me?

July 24, 2005 2:35 PM  
Blogger 123 said...

I applaud you on renaming it to "the Applause" and i just wanted you to know that you should try a salsa doritos w/ guacamole doritos w/ a peice of ham sandwitch...heh....

jeez i wish i had that many highlights....all i did today was clean...

nice pic btw

July 24, 2005 4:14 PM  
Blogger PINKSandROSES said...

i love MTV's made, you should totally do it

July 24, 2005 8:04 PM  
Blogger Camy Leon said...

LMFAO to # 3,9,& 10
WTF to # 2, 4, & 7
EEEWW to # 5 & 8
#6 Yep, Dakota Fanning did.


July 24, 2005 8:42 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

Christ No 5 had to hurt... he's a really big shit!

July 24, 2005 9:14 PM  
Blogger funkysmell said...


July 25, 2005 3:39 AM  
Anonymous tommygunn said...

so many highlights, so little time, great writing.

More funny stuff here today. my other favorite blog.

July 25, 2005 9:16 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

dude, what are you eating....anytime your gas smells like liquorish and OJ means there could be problems.

July 25, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

by they way, the new baked cool ranch dorito's are amazing.

July 25, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger C. E. Farmer said...

You might want to get that checked out !

July 25, 2005 10:02 AM  
Blogger Kay Ray said...

This has nothing to do with your list, but I love Mac-n-cheese (original kind, not the creamy stuff) and sour cream and onion chips crushed up in the mac-n-cheese. YUMMMM

July 25, 2005 10:48 AM  
Blogger RLL said...

Bowl haircuts are coming back, I would go for it. Stay ahead of the trend.

July 25, 2005 12:12 PM  
Blogger dive_goddess said...

I don't have anything witty to say, but I wanted to drop a line after all this time and tell you I love your blog, and it is the highlight of my day because I know someone else is finding interesting ways to amuse themselves, so thank you! :)
Peace, keep up the good work!

July 25, 2005 1:31 PM  
Blogger a beer sort of girl said...

If for no other reason, we are destined to be friends based on our mutual respect for "Gleaming the Cube." Rock.

July 25, 2005 3:02 PM  
Blogger The Doll said...

You should try dipping your Doritos in Chef-Boy-Ardee Beefaroni. It is a true culinary delight...

July 25, 2005 3:04 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Hey! WTF! Your slacking! BOO!

Hey! Wanna read abour a christain kid trying to get in the pants of a pagan chic?

Swing by. . . .
scrolling. . . .

July 25, 2005 4:29 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Holy hell! Who's the travel pimp whoring their travel blogs on the comment section. That's cheap and dirty, like a prostitute from my home town.

July 25, 2005 6:24 PM  
Blogger Little Miss said...

K, seriously, you haven't even posted today and your comments keep racking up! wth? (actually, i just wanted to fit "rack" in there somewhere) you're still my blog hero.

July 25, 2005 6:32 PM  
Blogger Reese said...

Were you at my house today? I mean seriously I got out of the car when I got home and I was like "gross it smells like black liquorish out here"

I'm totally not joking.

July 25, 2005 7:56 PM  
Blogger JOEBLEW said...

Funny Freakin' Stuff!

July 25, 2005 8:42 PM  
Blogger Manda said...

Yes, people still get braces. I saw this Vietnamese girl with braces two days ago. So there ya go.

July 25, 2005 8:55 PM  
Blogger V said...

Hey sweety! Why don't you come and confess some of your more sarcastic secrets at my joint? It should be mind-jogging.


July 25, 2005 11:46 PM  
Blogger PimpPia said...

Hi! I think that you have a fine blog there. Liked
it a lot. Check out my blogs too---they're
definitely great! See also my webpage if you got
lots of time to browse..

July 26, 2005 12:17 AM  
Blogger PopeBenedictXVI said...

Join us, joooooooooooooin us.

July 26, 2005 12:57 AM  
Blogger jimmmer said...

Dude, how do you get so many comments off one post?

We're new, but I hope we get this number of people checking us out.


July 26, 2005 1:06 AM  
Blogger Eire said...

I like your blog. It is original and interesting! I don't know how you get so many comments. That's amazing!

July 26, 2005 1:57 AM  
Blogger Mollenkamp said...

I invented the ham, cheese, and Ruffles sandwich years ago. But, the Doritos sandwich is a step forward.

July 26, 2005 5:01 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

can't we have a casual tuesday please? this heat is killin me...need...humor....soon....

July 26, 2005 10:12 AM  
Blogger Snake said...

This is a Tuesday, but it ain't casual for me.

July 26, 2005 11:28 AM  
Blogger Sam said...

Found this Blog today very cool

July 26, 2005 11:29 AM  
Blogger Kassi42 said...

People are still getting braces.

July 26, 2005 11:38 AM  
Blogger Mr R said...

Source of farts-- Too many Harvey Wallbangers, I suspect.

July 26, 2005 12:35 PM  
Blogger R2K said...

:O) Still the best blog out there.

July 26, 2005 1:04 PM  
Blogger Blondie said...

i loved the transition of focus from denying your inventing the doritos sandwich to wondering why we're all posting when you're obviously not around...mass communication is way too fascinating.

July 26, 2005 3:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brian--I so defended your butt in a comment on the life and times of joesph mcconell's blog---he totally stole your bit.

July 26, 2005 7:19 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 26, 2005 7:54 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Thanks! That kid is a punk.
I would have called him out on it earlier, but I'm trying not to give him any attention.

July 26, 2005 7:55 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Holy shit, Pimpia is dropping comments so she can get people to sign up for a porn site. Now that's crazy! Why would I pay for porn when I can get it for free?! Jeeeeesh.

July 27, 2005 12:22 AM  
Blogger nancy said...

you'll need to grow out for the the bowl cut.

should only take about 6 months, but it's the in-between stage that's the bitch.

July 27, 2005 7:26 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Bowl-cuts are hot. White hot.

You'll definitely need to grow that shit out, though. Good things come to those who wait.

Rockin' the bowl-cut should suit you well, I support you 100%.

I'm not even being funny.

July 27, 2005 11:03 AM  
Blogger Christy said...

You sir did not invent the Doritos sandwich...I believe that was me, June 27, 1990. But I suppose I can share the joyest experience with you!

July 27, 2005 11:19 AM  
Blogger StephMarie said...

This is my first time on your site! YOu are hilarious. I want to copy your idea...for my site. Can I steal some of your highlights so it looks like I lead a life as interesting as yours?

July 28, 2005 11:23 AM  
Blogger Zija - drink life in said...

drink life in with Zija or

July 28, 2005 2:52 PM  
Blogger Mr. Crap said...

11. Masturbated over getting so many hits on this site.

July 31, 2005 8:59 PM  
Blogger Mr. Crap said...

Hey, Stephmarie, do you find math, like, really hard? Tee-hee!

July 31, 2005 8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

yes people still have braces and NO THEY ARE NOT INVISIBLE unfoutionatlly

August 02, 2005 11:32 AM  
Blogger Jo said...

kewlness... Liking the doritos and the Farts sounded wrong but yeh...

August 05, 2005 7:40 PM  
Blogger kitty said...

Oh, my god! How did you get a picture of my brother?

August 08, 2005 6:17 PM  
Blogger cathy walker said...

Hi- good blog where can I get a donation sign just like yours, coz I need donations too! regards cathy another blogger please email me ,,,thanks

August 09, 2005 12:15 AM  

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