Saturday, July 16, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Had a wordrobe malfunction
2. Located the manufacturer of the Cosby family's sweaters
3. Decided Martin Lawrence's new movie "Rebound" should have been titled "Damn Gina!"
4. Talked to Jesus...Jesus Gonzales, my mom's lawn guy
5. Had a fart that smelled like Italian beef sprinkled with saw dust
6. My new goal in life is to become the next Oxi-Clean spokesman
7. Sent an e-mail to Paulie Shore just to see if he is desperate enough to reply
8. Became suspicious of an old lady at Lowes who was buying the needed materials to make a beer bong
9. Invited myself to her house later on tonight
10. Realized how much of a sell out Bruce Bruce has become

62 Comments:

Blogger monsterhack said...

Well it's good to know you're back on track!

BTB...
Marty Mar - done along time ago!

like a retard I am trying to figure out what your fart smelled like.

Bruce Bruce...same as Martin.

July 17, 2005 8:20 PM  
Blogger LCRocks said...

Coogie sweaters. Now, that's top fashion.

July 17, 2005 8:31 PM  
Blogger Alecia said...

Paulie Shore is too stupid to realized he should be desperate. Don't wait for an email.

July 17, 2005 8:35 PM  
Blogger M* said...

Pauly will reply if you got his email right.. ;)Well then again , depends what you said in the email.. lol*

July 17, 2005 9:00 PM  
Blogger OneSweetMissa said...

A Cooooosby Sweater....all I can think about is Jack Black in High Fidelity. That has to be one of the greatest movies. *sigh* If I weren't married...

July 17, 2005 9:04 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

Hey Brian!
What exactly did this "wardrobe malfunction" entail.... and would the ladies have enjoyed it?
-Rach-
Oh, and let me know how the kegger with the old lady went....

July 17, 2005 10:20 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

You should ask Jesus about HIS bong. Actually, Jesus probably doesn't use a water pipe, but I bet he rolls a meanass joint with his mota.

Glad you 86'd Conan, but still miss your old pic.

And the contest-game??? I'm still waiting......Or did you just want to get me all excited?

July 18, 2005 12:14 AM  
Blogger BeckEye said...

The Oxi-Clean guy is busier than Kelly Ripa these days. Every time I turn around, he's screaming about some other miracle product. Today it was some type of hair trimmer. I guess I should stop turning around.

July 18, 2005 12:17 AM  
Blogger leah kayajanian said...

why does everyone have a cool nickname and picture but me? oh, cause I'm computer illiterate. oh, yeah. i don't know you so maybe i should stop acting like i do. Anyway, enjoy your highlights.

July 18, 2005 1:45 AM  
Blogger David said...

Whew.... saved me from going to see the Martin movie.... Isn't Paulie "busy" with a new show?

Did the old lady have one of those old roach clips hanging from her ear lobe as an "earring?"

July 18, 2005 4:44 AM  
Blogger Ron said...

I'll bet the Oxy clean guy is pissed because he wasn't cast for the part of "Al" on Home Improvement. That's why he's showing up every time you turn around.

July 18, 2005 6:32 AM  
Blogger Sherri said...

That old lady was my Mom! :)

July 18, 2005 6:39 AM  
Blogger Just Me said...

I use to work at Home Depot and they showed us how to make a bong just in case we saw people buying the supplies and we could offer them advice.

July 18, 2005 7:00 AM  
Blogger toya said...

Well that day was fun! I especially can relate to the farting mine smell like old cheese and pork. But as I always say "Better out than in".

July 18, 2005 7:46 AM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

You are a fart bong.

The only thing fresh about your site anymore is the one-eyed gypsy socio-schizophrene called Teabaggins.

Even you chicks are getting lame. Y'all used to have at least some interesting things to say. Now yer just all about giving cyber buttsmoochios.

Here's a fresh: I'll blog my likes and dislikes!

How about rainbows and butterflies!

And let's see...rainy days and red lights.

The decline of Western Civilization indeed.

Sorry. Feeling a little gray today.

Daddy still loves all of you.

July 18, 2005 8:39 AM  
Blogger *jenn* said...

7. Sent an e-mail to Paulie Shore just to see if he is desperate enough to reply

i have actually done this before, about a year ago.
no response.

July 18, 2005 9:01 AM  
Blogger ManWhore said...

So did you get any action with the old lady?

July 18, 2005 9:23 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

pauly shore...i have to give the guy credit, he made the most out of his MTV time. oh, bruce springsteen...used to love that guy until he got on the polical bandwagon. rachel, you look hot, whats your story?

July 18, 2005 9:54 AM  
Blogger The Other Half said...

i actually watched the movie "son in law" with paulie this weekend...what's the world coming to?

July 18, 2005 10:57 AM  
Blogger mairtin said...

great day dude! I'm new to all this blog stuff so I'm just mucking around. I don't know what to say except to talk about not knowing what to say... actually i have'nt said anything at all really. I'm writing, and that is not the same as saying. Because when you say something one can hear... except if he/she is deaf, then you'd have to write.. but ... bah

July 18, 2005 11:51 AM  
Blogger Frankie said...

Hilarious....thanks for the laugh

July 18, 2005 12:10 PM  
Blogger Bridget said...

Paulie shore drives a car that says "paulie shore is dead"
in gigantic letters with his picture on it

go firgure

July 18, 2005 12:13 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I wanna know more about the wardrobe malfunction! Did it have anything to do with the old lady?

And hey daddy,

My mom is still waiting for the 17 years of back child support, you douchebag!

Stick that in your buttsmoochie and smoke it!

GROWL!
~Ty

July 18, 2005 12:13 PM  
Blogger The Husband said...

brian...i'm not sure what your profession is but you need to be doing stand up! this is some great material.

July 18, 2005 12:37 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

Mairtin- I think you should drop something really heavy on your foot.

Ty- I am so in love with you that I can barely breathe.

Brian- You are still a fart bong.

And hey, who's this Paulie?

July 18, 2005 1:25 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

2 foot Graphics to the rescue. Swat team!

July 18, 2005 1:28 PM  
Blogger Michael Walton said...

Wow, you are actually funny! So am I, but I just started my site, so like 2 people have gone 2 it.

July 18, 2005 1:38 PM  
Blogger J. Hi said...

Wardrobe malfunction, huh?

I'll have you nekked by the end of this blog! :)

July 18, 2005 1:53 PM  
Blogger Chris said...

Wardrobe malfunctions are more interesting when they occur to Janet Jackson, but I still curious to hear the story since it probably is funny.

Be worried if Pauly Shore calls you in for a casting call. I don't trust that guy.

Deliberate Chaos

July 18, 2005 2:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I laughed out loud when you made the comments aboout "adults who read Harry Potter books," Looking at all the profiles of the people who love your Blogs, most ARE the "adults who read Harry Potter books!" Too Funny!

July 18, 2005 2:22 PM  
Blogger JOOLZEY said...

UM, you mentioned the aroma of your flatulence--but what about the sound? Does it ever sound like a French horn? A tuba?

July 18, 2005 2:31 PM  
Blogger JOOLZEY said...

What about the sounds you make? French horn, tuba, trumpet? I would guess yours would sound like a French horn when they give off the noxious Cheetos fumes.

July 18, 2005 2:33 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

So...the wardrobe malfuncion...
I take it everyone is familiar with boxer-briefs? Well, I am a huge fan. Anyhow, the inventor of boxer-briefs decided during the breeding of boxers with briefs, the genome of the brief's front flap must have had the dominant gene, and thus the front flap showed up on boxer-briefs...
At some point in the middle of the night, my cock decided to explore its way through the front flap. Whether the exploration was assisted by the hand of either myself or my sleeping mate, is yet to me determined, however I can say that my cock decided to call it quits before returning back to the shelter of my boxer-briefs, and thus when I exited my bed in the morning, a wardrobe malfunction had occurred.

July 18, 2005 2:41 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I knew one day my sarcasim would kill!

LMAO!

Hey, I found the love. It's in yer daddy. . .


~Ty

July 18, 2005 2:41 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

PEERING PENIS! Thats a riot!

July 18, 2005 2:42 PM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

Can Jesus the lawn guy turn hose water into wine?

July 18, 2005 2:45 PM  
Blogger firechild said...

'Romie 'Rome in the house! LMAO!! i guess sawdust is better than swiss cheese. there was this kid in my 6th grade class who's farts always smelled like Dorito's. he was the same kid we would dare to eat the chewed gum on the street... and he would.

July 18, 2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger Honey said...

Perhaps your cock was excited by all the name dropping, ie: Martin Lawrence, Paulie Shore, Bruce Bruce and the ever popular Jesus Gonzales.

July 18, 2005 3:20 PM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

You're slowing down. You got yourself into a mess with daily updates. I'm a M/W/F guy myself.

I think making lists is the hardest thing to do, and you consistently do it well. So it isn't that big of a deal if you take a few days off.

Or maybe you died. My regrets if this is the case.

Blake

July 18, 2005 3:44 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

Thanks for the reply. I feel greatly encouraged.

I think this might infuse some new energy, but let me preface this suggestion with the disclaimer that I am not a pyro...

Place chunk of dry ice in empty 2 liter Coke bottle. Add a splash of water. Secure lid tightly. Throw into bushes. Wait a minute. The BOOM is quite impressive. Blows M-80 away. Friends will shit their pants. Girls will faint. Children will cry. Clergymen will scream obscenities. Pets will turn on their owners. This is a wonderful event for church picnics. Trust me.

July 18, 2005 4:26 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Why doesn't anyone love me!?

Paulie Shore is hawt. . .


**cough**

~Ty

July 18, 2005 5:27 PM  
Blogger Alex said...

I preferred the blank post.

July 18, 2005 5:28 PM  
Blogger marriedman said...

I gave a hot customer a wardrobe malfunction, albino's have nice ta ta's.

July 18, 2005 5:37 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Leah, I too am computer illiterate and can't quite figure out yet how to post a pic on my profile. No worries.

Daddy, how about a cyber-salad? Nicely tossed ...Kisses!

Brian, sleep naked...

...and glad your hot, little picture is back in action.

July 18, 2005 5:39 PM  
Blogger Cassy said...

I was so dissappointed that there was no lie of the day, oh frankie I love Sloth hes the man, Baby
Ruth! Cheers

July 18, 2005 9:50 PM  
Blogger Sam said...

hmmm interesting.... I do believe that my grandmother was at a hardware store purchasing a tube and funnel in Chicago nonetheless.... ;-)

July 18, 2005 10:32 PM  
Blogger PINKSandROSES said...

i really like your theme. It makes me laugh...My goal in life is to become a Coyote at the Coyote Ugly bar. At least our goals are cool!

July 18, 2005 11:47 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

you are hilarious

July 19, 2005 12:00 AM  
Blogger coco said...

I hope that italian beef tasted better going in than it smelled coming out.

But thanks for the graphics

July 19, 2005 1:28 AM  
Blogger jellofishy said...

*moan*

July 19, 2005 2:32 AM  
Blogger LCRocks said...

Boxer briefs are the best thing a man can wear. They're hot.

July 19, 2005 5:30 AM  
Blogger Blondie said...

I was supporting your lack of content...that's what good babymakers do. I figured you'd make an exception for me anyway cuz you're just so damn awesome.

July 19, 2005 8:58 AM  
Anonymous Terry Jones said...

So how's Paulie doing these days? I'm amazed he hasn't set up a blog about what it's like to be formerly famous.

July 19, 2005 9:46 AM  
Blogger Evan G. said...

I'm pretty sure he has found a girl. You see, "free time" as previously single guys knew it, is no more. Once you get a girlfriend or wife, your free time becomes THEIR time. And then some time that you previously thought was hobby time, or game time, or sleep time also becomes their time. You also might as well forget about "down time" because that's their's too. Once you become attached time can be catigorized in two ways, Work time, and their time. Unless you know how to balence your relationship, which comes with time, like right now I am using my "balenced" free time. it's not the same as free time when your single but its as close as we attached guys can hope for. - Evan G.

July 19, 2005 10:07 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

I love coogie sweaters!

July 19, 2005 10:11 AM  
Blogger Claudia Mayer said...

It is fantastic how webloggers from the most different countries can find each other by chance on the Internet. And it is also fantastic to know that people share some small things of life.

July 19, 2005 10:17 AM  
Blogger Ian M said...

hmmmmm, interesting to say the least

July 19, 2005 10:49 AM  
Blogger JulieB said...

How come one's farts always smell worse to other people? Do guys fart more? Why do guys underwear have skid marks and womens don't? Anyone ever light fire to their fart?
Fartingly yours, Julie B

July 19, 2005 9:07 PM  
Blogger Game Wizard said...

http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=thegamewizard

Go to sign up for neopets!

Neopets a website where you create your own pet and take care of it.

You can train it to battle against other peoples pets.

You can open your own shop and stock it with items for others to buy!

You can play games that they have there for more money to take care of your neopet or buy items for your shop!

You can also go into the stock market and buy stocks in the many industries available there. I have gotten lots of money by working the stock market!

Another great feature is you can go on quests for items of great worth and power!

This is a great website to go to so try it out!

http://www.neopets.com/refer.phtml?username=thegamewizard

July 19, 2005 9:12 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

Clah...that pic is delicious.

July 19, 2005 9:51 PM  
Blogger FutureMrJj said...

did you have the wardrobe malfunction in the Cosby sweater? 'Cause THAT would make for must see TV

July 27, 2005 11:28 PM  
Blogger zoe said...

My farts today smell like bok choy sprinkled with diesel fumes.

July 31, 2005 5:34 PM  

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