Thursday, July 28, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Snotted when I sneezed...I have no clue where it went
2. Began my plans to date a Jewish girl during this holiday season, just to celebrate Christmikah like they do on the O.C.
3. Put in a bid on E-bay motors for an '85 short bus
4. Finally decided what I will go as for Halloween 2005.....Sarah Jessica Parker
5. Day dreamed about playing bacce ball with Nick Nolte (and yes...that is his autograph)
6. Totally got caught singing Foot Loose while waiting at a stop light
7. Called U-Haul to see "how many immigrants they thought I could pile up in the back of one of those things"
8. Wondered if Chelsea Clinton ever grew out of her "awkward stage"
9. Dared my buddy to go into work tomorrow with grass stains on his suit pants
10. Asked my grandma to convince my mom into giving me an allowance again

111 Comments:

Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Are you going to keep the logo on the short bus if you win? Nick Nolte looks pretty cleaned up there - must be an old photo.

July 28, 2005 4:32 PM  
Blogger immixmarketer said...

Fo Shazzy my Nazzy

July 28, 2005 4:40 PM  
Blogger Notta Wallflower said...

Now that's class. ;-) I'm wondering now who you will smuggle on your short bus (and also why I'm not doing something more productive).

July 28, 2005 4:41 PM  
Blogger Kezza said...

would you believe that Chelsea Clinton did actually get over that awkward phase, I was reading some trashy womans magazine on my lunch-break the other day (because there was nothing better at work) and they had a plastic surgery expose. Chelsea featured extensivley. I hate to think what the american tax-payer forked over to make that horses-arse look presentable

July 28, 2005 5:12 PM  
Blogger gekke mum said...

nice to have you back - i'm missing the lie of the day

July 28, 2005 5:36 PM  
Blogger mofo said...

After the plastic surgery she came out looking like Dave Coulier.

July 28, 2005 5:37 PM  
Blogger Gern said...

What? No "fart of the day?" I guess the sneeze took its place...

July 28, 2005 6:01 PM  
Blogger Juliabohemian said...

"bocce" ball

is this the same bus you rode? do you want it for sentimental reasons?

July 28, 2005 6:10 PM  
Blogger austinizer said...

everybody cut everybody cut!

July 28, 2005 6:54 PM  
Blogger Kitty Kat said...

Snotting when you sneeze is the absolute worst! You know it's coming, yet you can't find any tissue! And then when it's all over your hand (if you're "lucky" enough to catch it) you don't know what to do with it! Do I wipe it on my pants? My sleeve? Do I wait for it to dry and then flick it somewhere? Life sucks sometimes.. it really does!

July 28, 2005 7:42 PM  
Blogger amanda said...

i once sneezed so hard, BOTH of my hands filled with snot...
i was at work in a meeting!!! no kleenex anywhere.
i just kept my hands over my face and ran out of there...what a spaz,huh?

July 28, 2005 7:55 PM  
Blogger CrazyBandGeek said...

man stop with the footloose I allready did that show got the music stuck in my head and i dont need it back this sucks at least its only footloose and not any of the other songs

July 28, 2005 8:06 PM  
Blogger Duncan MacEachern said...

In a 26" Super Mover you can have a pretty good orgy (8) + cameraman and boom mike operator. So multiply 10 * (the packing factor) - personal space = about 71 people and if you use the shelf...maybe 89 but that's pushing it!

July 28, 2005 8:07 PM  
Blogger m'embrasser said...

hmm. good luck with the allowance. one suggestion. instead of just having your friend go into work with grass stains on his suit pants....make sure the grass stains are located on his butt. that makes for some hilarious comments and looks.

July 28, 2005 8:14 PM  
Blogger Camy Leon said...

OOOOOh! I wanna celebrate Chrismakah! Now where do I find a Jewish Skater/Punk Rocker?

Did you get that allowance? How about a curfew and you clean up your room, now that you're on her payroll.

July 28, 2005 8:29 PM  
Blogger Amy said...

I still get an allowence from my mom :o) can't save money if I put it in the bank, so I give it to her. I guess thats kind of diffrent though.

July 28, 2005 8:35 PM  
Blogger steff81 said...

Farts are a delicate issue. Some people can't pull off a really good fart thought, but I must say...I've laughed pretty hard at yours. For some reason farts are just funny for me.

July 28, 2005 9:05 PM  
Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 28, 2005 9:17 PM  
Blogger Wombat & Aspen said...

Brian, I'll go the Halloween Party with you as Kim Cattrall & get all the guys b/c you'll have a horse face.
- MW
Although SJP as Carrie has true fashion flair...

July 28, 2005 9:19 PM  
Blogger Jessika said...

just read ur blog for the first time! I luv it! Its so funny. Keep postin!

Jess

July 28, 2005 10:10 PM  
Blogger allison said...

please tell me you will get one of your buddies to go as Miranda.

July 29, 2005 4:30 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Good luck with the allowance thing.

July 29, 2005 5:33 AM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

The snot sneeze is awkward. So is the :mouthful of dip sneeze".

I was going to say that one was worse, but upon further reflection, I think not.

When you spit out a moutful of tobacco, you can kind of spin that as "tough cowboy."

Unplanned ejection of phlegm immediatlely brands you as a "spaz" with no control over your bodily functions and prompts laughter.

While launching tobacco might create the image of a tough cowboy who's maybe just inhaled some pepper or pollen.

While ejection of mucous should be directed away from bystanders, launching tobacco is ideally directed at your favorite liberal.

July 29, 2005 5:51 AM  
Blogger Kay Ray said...

Allowence ROCKS!!

July 29, 2005 5:59 AM  
Blogger jellofishy said...

your granny sounds cool.

July 29, 2005 6:05 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

:O) Good good

July 29, 2005 6:20 AM  
Blogger cpwool said...

top notch

July 29, 2005 6:39 AM  
Blogger josh said...

you should just steal a short bus from a school for the blind and then feed the dog twizzlers.

July 29, 2005 6:57 AM  
Blogger L.Bo Marie said...

I'd like an allowance...

July 29, 2005 7:05 AM  
Blogger lookingbusy said...

One time after I sneezed, I looked at my hand and thought that I saw Chelsea Clinton, with grass stains on her pants, playing bocce ball in the back of a u-hall truck with Nick Nolte dressed up like Sarah Jessica Parker and a bunch of immigrants that were singing Footloose.

July 29, 2005 7:27 AM  
Blogger Perdita said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 29, 2005 7:28 AM  
Blogger Erika said...

Let me know if that allowance thing works out, I'm so gonna try it too. I'm often told I look like SJP, (not a complement if you ask me) but let me know if you need any tips, it's all in the nose and hair style evidently.

July 29, 2005 7:29 AM  
Blogger XOXO71285 said...

No, Chelsea Clinton has not grew out of her "ackward stage" :0)

July 29, 2005 7:40 AM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

This is best list yet. Congrats.

I have a medical condition. whenever I sneeze, I have an orgasm. I am taking black pepper for it.

July 29, 2005 8:10 AM  
Blogger Just Me said...

I'd play Bocce Ball with you and Nick, I just learned how to play!

My boss is Jewish, so we should start celebrating Chrismikah in the office.

July 29, 2005 8:26 AM  
Blogger Randy said...

Funny. :)

July 29, 2005 8:37 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

nice blog...great material. didn't they find nick nolte living in a trash can or something? as for chelsea...man was she ugly as a kid. she looks ok now but i'm wondering if she had some work done.

July 29, 2005 8:41 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

We love your blog and thought you might like the one we've just kicked off: Seven Deadly Cynics.

All best,
the s.d.c.

July 29, 2005 8:45 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I've always wanted to do it on a schoolbus....so, uhh...if your bid is accepted...give me a call sometime.

I've always wanted to do it with a guy dressed in drag on Halloween. This Halloween I'm going to be a dead candy striper. So, if you're into necrophilia...

Daddy, is your condition contagious? Sneeze once for no and twice for yes. Preferably in close proximity of myself, if yes.

Chewing tobacco...ew.

July 29, 2005 9:03 AM  
Blogger bookwormaddict said...

Your Friday postings always make me smile and make me feel good! I so need it this morning:) As for sneezing snot well I've never been very lady like when it comes to sneezing in a nice, cultured way.

July 29, 2005 9:21 AM  
Blogger el presidente said...

you rock and are cute

highlight of my day will be:

getting my hair ripped out with hot wax

and

finding out i did not get the job i applied to

and

karaoke night (careless whisper)

mine is ladieslunch.blogspot.com

July 29, 2005 9:38 AM  
Blogger Lady Sappho said...

1. My girl did that yesterday - LOL

6. My daughter LOVES that movie.

8. I don't think so - ROTFLMAO

9. Why don't YOU do that and send us a pic - LOL

July 29, 2005 10:01 AM  
Blogger Renegade said...

DUDE i have sneezed and farted at the same time once and i swear i moved about two feet damn near launched.

July 29, 2005 10:09 AM  
Blogger Mike said...

Gee...a 20 year old bus with over a million miles...sounds like a really good idea.
...especially for somebody who, I'm only guessing here, is a wizard with an air wrench.

July 29, 2005 11:23 AM  
Blogger lotero_tx said...

Hey guys, just wanted to introduce myself and just thought this blog is pretty interesting and I was wondering if any of ya'll would like to check out my blog at
www.ordinarysex.blogspot.com

July 29, 2005 11:27 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

Chelsea is money in the bank baby...

http://r2000.blogspot.com

July 29, 2005 11:40 AM  
Blogger The Dating Doctor said...

My highlight - TGIF!

July 29, 2005 12:16 PM  
Anonymous Holiday N said...

.

July 29, 2005 12:21 PM  
Blogger Heather said...

I sneezed so hard while driving one time, I sprayed the windshield.....I turned on the wipers thinking it was raining.

Renegade, those sneeze/farts are painful, aren't they?

July 29, 2005 12:23 PM  
Blogger LilTanLines said...

With that short bus, you will be Big Pimpin'! ;) Throw some spinnin rims on there and a install a loud ass stero along with some video monitors behind the head rests and you will be DA MAN!

*thinking you should call Pimp My Ride to get the West Coast Customs hook up*

July 29, 2005 12:59 PM  
Blogger Kerri said...

How many immigrants can you fit in a u-haul? WHat did the sales person say? That sounds like something I would do... you're giving me ideas. That's not necessarily a good thing.

July 29, 2005 1:56 PM  
Blogger Ghost Dog said...

Brilliant stuff. Love the blog.

July 29, 2005 2:15 PM  
Blogger austinizer said...

I love how this blog is basically a way for people to pimp their own blogs b/c of the high comment rate. So silly.

PS: visit ohweeohweeoh.blogspot.com please. :)

July 29, 2005 2:18 PM  
Blogger nicki said...

I have no clue who you are, but you are pretty damn hilarious. I wish I did know you. Maybe I would laugh more!!!!

July 29, 2005 2:25 PM  
Blogger City Doll said...

Very funny and clever. Will come back to read more.

July 29, 2005 6:18 PM  
Blogger grody jo-dee said...

if you lived in fl, you could go to bithlo (redneck capital of the world outside orlando) and race your new short bus in the figure 8 schoolbus races. oh, and they sell schlitz too.

July 29, 2005 6:40 PM  
Blogger sdk said...

You have Nolte's autograph...that's cool. But...you'll graduate to Way Cool when you get him to sign his inmate photo...

And, I'm gonna need you to get a picture of that happening, because that's gonna be some funny stuff...

sdk

July 29, 2005 6:47 PM  
Blogger Sarah said...

11. Found the snot that I sneezed earlier.

July 29, 2005 6:56 PM  
Blogger K said...

Haha, Christmakuh. I'll convert and tell you if it's worth it.

July 29, 2005 7:11 PM  
Blogger Hannah Banana said...

i think that i could perhaps be developing a crush on you-must be the irreverent humour

July 29, 2005 8:29 PM  
Blogger ~Tonia~ said...

I just love your blog!! Thanks for making me laugh so hard milk came out my nose. ;)

July 29, 2005 9:01 PM  
Blogger OneSweetMissa said...

Hey...I road the short bus when I was in 1st grade. ;o)

July 29, 2005 10:51 PM  
Blogger S-- said...

hahaha awsome blog

July 29, 2005 11:02 PM  
Blogger Yer Daddy said...

I've decided that blog pimpers smoke butt hair.

I've decided that copy-cats are dildoids. Hey, ya bastards, I was not! Mine was an HOMAGE.

I am considering changing my name to TREED FREEBAGGIN. (It's another homage, to guess who...and where the hell is he when you need him, the crazy fucker)

It's no wonder Brian is becoming a reclusive madman.

July 29, 2005 11:23 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

A reclusive madman who farts a lot, on a shortbus, with a harem of immigrants.

That's so fucking sexy.

July 29, 2005 11:44 PM  
Blogger BadGod said...

I fuckin sneez if it really bright outside. Why is that?

July 29, 2005 11:50 PM  
Blogger claire said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

July 30, 2005 3:26 AM  
Blogger Surviving Online Dating said...

Why are men so fascinated by their sneezing and farting??

July 30, 2005 3:26 AM  
Blogger jimmmer said...

i LOVE shot-shooting. Pity you didn't see where it went. If it landed on someone's shoulder you could've taken a pic!

July 30, 2005 3:56 AM  
Blogger twicemoron said...

Oh Brian! You really make my day. If you are visiting the north pole some time soon, give me a call.

July 30, 2005 6:03 AM  
Blogger twicemoron said...

Oh Bian! You really make my day. If you are visiting the north pole soon, give me a call.

July 30, 2005 6:04 AM  
Blogger Lake Allison said...

Please please please can I ride on the short bus? I'm "special"!!

July 30, 2005 8:19 AM  
Blogger sassinak said...

totally off topic... but gleaming the cube is a great flick :)

July 30, 2005 10:08 AM  
Blogger C Black - My old hacker alias said...

It's hard to be "Super Special"...

Gotta cut, gotta cut... Footloose!

http://secman.blogspot.com

July 30, 2005 10:54 AM  
Blogger funkysmell said...

interesting


www.funkysmell.com

July 30, 2005 11:33 AM  
Blogger Reality Ditch said...

dude, you are hillarious.
do you plan out your day of crazy things to do or does it just come naturally?

I gotta keep coming back. You got good stuff.

July 30, 2005 1:53 PM  
Blogger mamadukez said...

I thought Christmikah was a "Seinfeld" thing!

July 30, 2005 2:31 PM  
Blogger Melissa said...

Thanks for making me laugh the hardest I've laughed all day :)

July 30, 2005 2:52 PM  
Blogger Steven Rawski said...

quality work

http://rawski.blogspot.com/

July 30, 2005 2:56 PM  
Blogger sexy sydney said...

nice wish list

July 30, 2005 5:33 PM  
Blogger Sam I Am said...

AWESOME ..Now thats thinking ..

July 30, 2005 6:37 PM  
Blogger hooligan said...

I just started my own blog today, while taking a break I noticed yours listed in the Bloggers "Blogs of Note" and checked it out... You are a ray of sunshine coming through my darkness... I haven't laughed sooo fucking hard in quite some time... I will be here every Friday from now on...=)

July 30, 2005 8:15 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

Hey! I liked your site...it made me laugh. Check out mine-- I can't promise that it will be as funny as yours is though, www.christies-hot.blogspot.com Well, talk to you later

July 30, 2005 9:32 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hey! I liked your site...it made me laugh. Check out mine-- I can't promise that it will be as funny as yours is though, www.christies-hot.blogspot.com Well, talk to you later

July 30, 2005 9:32 PM  
Blogger Christie said...

Hey your site is so funny. Check out mine...although I can't promise that it's as funny as yours is: www.christies-hot.blogspot.com

July 30, 2005 9:40 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

Brian, you need to have a show with all of this funny material. This is truly your calling. Even though you never mentioned farts in this post, there's still alot of comments about them which only validates my theory of people's obsession with them. What's up with that? Is is the sound they make, or the smell? What is the anal facination here? No comprehende`...

July 31, 2005 12:02 AM  
Blogger SeaKitty said...

you're funny. i've been reading a while. this is the first time i've looked at the comments. sorry you get all the dumbest comments i've ever seen, on any blog, ever. are chicks always like this?

July 31, 2005 6:58 AM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

What's really funny is when a chick posts the same dumb comment three times in a row.

She must really like you, Brian.

July 31, 2005 11:29 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

New update new update!

http://r2000.blogspot.com

July 31, 2005 4:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Strumpet-I agree,although i bet it was a mistake somehow...hopefully.
I agree with you too Alex, I'm feenin' for a new update!

July 31, 2005 5:20 PM  
Blogger zoe said...

Love the immigrants in the back of the UHAUL! That's just plain wrong but hilarious! I once saw a bumper sticker in L.A. that said "Mexicans...we don't die, we multiply." It was funny.

July 31, 2005 5:28 PM  
Blogger Mr. Crap said...

11. Realized people still read this shit; wrote some more shit

July 31, 2005 8:55 PM  
Blogger FU said...

hahah..this blog is fularious... so glad i found it! def a new daily read! :)

July 31, 2005 10:01 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

er friday blogs? as in ONCE a week...

August 01, 2005 2:43 AM  
Blogger Lacy said...

Being jewish girl, I must say we dont think too highly of celebrating christmikah, as you would call it. We mostly stick to the ole 'hebrew g-d' high holidays.

August 01, 2005 6:20 AM  
Blogger R2K said...

Who cares lacy... Why does every religion make people totally concerned with themselvs and telling others about how they like things?

August 01, 2005 7:45 AM  
Blogger Thomas said...

I heard that J-Date is enforcing a strict non-Gentile policy.

Dating a Jewish girl may be a little harder than you think.

August 01, 2005 11:57 AM  
Blogger AMG said...

VERY FUCKING FUNNY - SHIT NICE

August 01, 2005 12:01 PM  
Blogger burk0282 said...

Oh my god! I WANT A SHORT BUS!!! Freakin hilarious.. Oh, and Hilary Clinton, you gotta hit that shit, haha, KIDDING. Great.

August 01, 2005 12:41 PM  
Blogger Steph said...

Am I the 100th comment? Yipee!!!!!

August 01, 2005 12:46 PM  
Blogger DIVA said...

I have the perfect outfit for you if you decide to go as SJP for halloween. My closet if full of her designers for sure. LOL If you get a chance take a look at my blog. Just me rambling on about life.

DIVA

August 01, 2005 12:56 PM  
Blogger "the ONE and ONLY" said...

No fart jokes.. the least you could have done was FART while u sneezed?!!!

August 01, 2005 1:18 PM  
Blogger Zanderlilly said...

Need.......update.......soon........

NO pressure.

August 01, 2005 1:39 PM  
Blogger ozbecks said...

We have your snot and if you want it back in one piece you will agree to the following demands:

Replace Tony Blair with Mr Magoo as your head of State.

Staighten all bananas within a 50 mile radius of Buckingham Palace.

Ship 6,000,000 purple and/or puce togas to an address of our choosing.

We will be in contact. Do not try anything "funny".

August 02, 2005 12:15 AM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

I think you rock and are cute too. Have a good summer. Call me.

Fredo

August 02, 2005 2:12 PM  
Blogger beans and franks said...

how did the allowance thing go with your Mom?? I need an allowance again.

August 02, 2005 2:45 PM  
Blogger Lacy said...

Hey Alex, go to hell!!

August 04, 2005 5:49 AM  
Blogger Racheal said...

Having a Christmikah like on the OC would be pretty amazing.

August 08, 2005 4:02 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well, good luck with the allowance ;-) Listen, check out this blog >> SEO Bible

August 13, 2005 2:52 AM  
Blogger Olivia Phiri said...

tip of the day
Things get funny when your husband or dude cant stop talking about your ex. you wonder whether his insecure or just plain boring.
so what do you do when you absolutely have no time for such an unproductive behaviour?
Suck your finger and say, honey i love you.

August 15, 2005 11:34 PM  
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