Monday, August 29, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Got stuck in traffic behind this guy
2. Told my co-workers to let me know if they see Dog the Bounty Hunter anywhere around the building
3. Dreamt I was asked to be the new Noxzema model
4. Continue to make progress in proving my theory that 6 billion TV's and a Saved by the Bell channel on 24/7, could create world peace
5. Took a couple people aside at my new job and told them that I was really a 6 year ventren sent over from the corporate office...I assured them that they were good...but cutbacks were "a'comin"
6. Found somebody more annoying that Ron (aka Ronski)...Phil (aka the guy who pretends he's always going to hit you in the gut, but doesn't, instead he laughs and says, "whoah, got the new guy"...then proceeds to give you a high-five)
7. Blamed taking an hour and a half lunch on "not hearing any bell or whistle to let me know time was up"
8. Remembered the time I got stoned and tried to turn in a missing person file for "Carmen SanDiego"
9. Found the squeekiest chair in the office...the perfect cover-up for flachulance
10. Daydreamed about how awesome it would be if when I got off work, if it was just like when Fred Flintstone gets off work

Fart Flavor of the Day: Beer Battered Candy Canes

42 Comments:

Blogger Rachel said...

The squeaky chair thing is a fairly decent idea.... But there is one miniscule flaw in your reasoning.... Squeaks can't cover stankiness.... What's the second part of your plan?

August 28, 2005 10:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

i will never look at candy canes the same again. i'll always need a beer now.

August 28, 2005 11:25 PM  
Blogger Faithmy said...

I always get caught behind that wipe.

What is your actual job?

August 29, 2005 5:25 AM  
Blogger Bobby said...

Did Carmen SanDiego ever settle down, or are we all still supposed to be looking for her? I imagine her last trip, when her popularity was down, she just sat around, not hiding that well, depressed and lonely....

August 29, 2005 5:33 AM  
Blogger ~April~ said...

I've been stuck behind that guy before too!

Dog the Bounty Hunter knows EXACTLY where I work. LOL

A Saved by the Bell channel? Hmmmm, I'm sure it's something "they" are thinking about.

August 29, 2005 5:48 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Stuck in traffic behind the lil one huh... He looks as if he was just about to give you the finger man.

August 29, 2005 5:48 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Can ya'll tell I'm having identity crisis'? I can't help it... I promise, for the last time (it won't change again.)
http://www.curious1.blogspot.com

If anyone's linked me, which would be a good to know...
Sorry.

August 29, 2005 5:51 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Yet again, what an error...
thecurious1 is right. My bad, I've had lil' sleep n quite the week.
Fart of the week:
Eggs over easy dribblings of Grey Goose...
Smelled bangin' good!!!

August 29, 2005 5:58 AM  
Anonymous soapbox.SUPERSTAR said...

Your site made me laugh my ass off! Thanks for making me spit pepsi on my keyboard at work!

August 29, 2005 7:17 AM  
Blogger Dirk the Feeble said...

omgwtflololbbq!!!11! u are teh roXX0rz!!!11!!

August 29, 2005 7:53 AM  
Blogger Kim said...

Carmen SanDiego? It's Waldo I'm worried about.

August 29, 2005 8:31 AM  
Blogger Cindy Elavsky said...

what's a "ventren"?

August 29, 2005 8:52 AM  
Blogger Mary said...

Carmen SanDiego... I wonder if she has made the terrorist watch list yet, flying all over the world, hiding out and all.

August 29, 2005 9:36 AM  
Blogger Alecia said...

I think that it'd have to be a Full House channel 24/7 to create world peace. All that hugging at the end. Who can beat that? Not even Kelly Kapowskie and her awesome leather jacket with fringe to go with her side pony-tail.

August 29, 2005 9:47 AM  
Blogger AKH said...

Ahhh life as a Flintstone would be grand wouldn't it?

August 29, 2005 10:15 AM  
Blogger The Megan said...

What, no 80's name/lie of the day??

#1 made me LOL... geez, i freakin' hate 'that guy'!!!

August 29, 2005 11:35 AM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

LMAO!!!!

I now have that song in my head, except I can't remember most of the words, so I'm humming it. . .

I don't care where she is to tell you the truth. Bitch jacked 20 bucks off me. . . .


And what do you do for a living now?

August 29, 2005 12:42 PM  
Blogger The Dating Doctor said...

What a cutie you got stuck behind!

August 29, 2005 12:45 PM  
Blogger Kay Ray said...

Congrats on the new jobbie job.. I hate being the newbie.. last hired first fired, and you always have the num nuts who when you say you need a day off, tells some long dranw out story of how hes been with the company 20 years blah blah blah.. who the hell cares!!

August 29, 2005 1:31 PM  
Blogger The Other Half said...

that's too bad...i'm always hearing bells...you can borrow mine

August 29, 2005 1:32 PM  
Anonymous duston said...

You losers are still at it? jeez what a bunch of losers with no life just sitting at a computer all day. You are the most pathetic bunch of closeted bloggers ive ever encountered. Firs of all Kay ray? I told you to change your name you fucking retarded bitch. And wendi your name is spelled like a fucking retard whos parents wanted her to be "different" than all the other wendys. get a life bitch.

August 29, 2005 1:52 PM  
Blogger Earl Jenkin™ said...

sometimes i pick my nose while staying at other people's houses. while lying in bed, i put boogers under their mattresses. i'm just way too lazy to get up.

August 29, 2005 2:13 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

WARNING!!!

Angry Blogger!

LMAO! Duston- your kidding right?

Anyway. . .
So yeah. . .

GOD I'M BORED!!!!

August 29, 2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger FU said...

duston - ooo.. ur so cool.

go fuck urself. i'm glad u found the time to post on this site in between ur beastiality porn sites.

i wonder what amazing important things you must do with your time u fucking asswipe.

now go back to wackin off your 2 inch wang.

:)

August 29, 2005 3:06 PM  
Anonymous duston said...

Wow. Just when I think you guys couldnt be any more fucking stupid you go throw me a curveball.

hey fu I went to your website and im not going to take insults seriously from someone who wants to do themselves you sick ass whore.

ty: fuck off

August 29, 2005 3:16 PM  
Blogger Sherri said...

Dustin, your an ass, nobody's forcing you to participate. If you don't like it, don't look.

August 29, 2005 3:22 PM  
Blogger The Megan said...

That's f'n HIGHlarious... Duston (would that be the tree huggin' hippie way of spelling 'Dustin', hmmm?) is is on a blogsite making fun of OTHER PEOPLE who comment on blogsites and the way OTHER PEOPLE spell their names... and all this time I thought morons were incapable of browsing the web.

I think it's about time for Duston to Dust off.

Boo bye now, your mother's calling you!

August 29, 2005 3:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cant help but wonder - duston, do you interact with people like this on a personal level? because if you do, your going to wind up one day with no freinds, and then youll realize im right.

So why dont you go lick Rosie O'donalds ballsack or whatever it is that you do. ASS

August 29, 2005 4:12 PM  
Blogger the captain said...

Duston's kind of like that dude in the movie Copycat, who sends all these threatening emails and shit but in real life his wife totally bitches him out all the time and then he kills her, but he's really a pussy. Oh, and I miss the show Carmen Sandiego with the group Rockapella.

August 29, 2005 5:08 PM  
Blogger FU said...

rockapella.. they were awesome. i wanted to be a contestant on that show. was the black lady on the show who handed out assignments.. she came in another sitcom.. family matters maybe?

does anyone else think carmen sandiego may have been hot under that red hat?

and the thing about a squeeky chair - sometimes u may not be flatulating and ppl MAY think the squeaks from the chair are actually you!!! its a double edged edged sword my friend!

oh duston, if u can pry urself away from your super busy life, and visit us hermits on blogger.com, well... the whole doing myself thing.. that's a JOKE. that is why there was a WINK after the line. that is why there is a wacked out picture of me. JOKE. Geez, angry with no sense of humour either. You must get all the girls. *sigh* no point in explaining. he's so cool he's probably off doing other more important things now.

August 29, 2005 5:46 PM  
Blogger ~Tonia~ said...

You never fail to crack me up. At least the guy you had to follow was a cutie. LOL

Good luck with the new job. Hopefully they will drop the looser that thinks he is funny if the cutbacks do come. :)

August 29, 2005 7:21 PM  
Blogger broomhilda said...

i know where carmen sandiego is...
here

August 29, 2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger -RM said...

I totally hate Phil too.

August 29, 2005 8:48 PM  
Blogger platkat said...

Was Carmen Sandiego a battered woman? Anyone who plays geographical hopscotch like this chick must be runnin' from something...

August 29, 2005 8:56 PM  
Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

So she's in Egypt, eh? Why didn't this ever make headlines? They can't find a nomad in a cave, but they can find a cartoon in Cairo. Wow.

We thought we saw Dog's wife the other day at an amusement park...can't remember her name right now but she's damn scary.

August 30, 2005 6:56 AM  
Blogger jimmmer said...

Carmen Sandiego ROCKED!

August 31, 2005 7:36 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

That's hilarious...sounds like a great day...

September 02, 2005 12:59 PM  
Blogger Yaz said...

Dang, I continue to heart you. Bravo!

September 02, 2005 4:58 PM  
Blogger blair said...

Ok, it took me a while to figure it out, but you're linked!

Although, I'm pretty sure that most of the peeps reading my blog have found it through yours! So, thank you!

Just publised a new post today! Pass it on! Now it's your turn! I need some cheering up! You happen to be the President of that commitee!

September 07, 2005 9:03 PM  
Blogger Cath said...

Would it be too much to ask that you spell "flatulence" correctly...?

Hmm.. thought so!

September 22, 2005 7:17 PM  
Blogger AMG said...

Your a funny little jerk !

October 06, 2005 10:46 AM  
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