Highlights of My Day
1. Got double-dog-dared
2. Successfully opened a Capri-Sun on my first try
3. Drank a 40 oz. ...poured some out for my homies
4. Booked O-Town to perform at my grandparents 65th anniversary
5. Declared I will be the winner of this years Publishers Clearing House $1,000,000 contest
6. Fed my neighbor's dog some Pop Rocks
7. Watched an Irish Setter try to figure what the fuck was happening to him
8. Practiced doing spit takes
9. Officially re-named my nuts from "Simon" and "Garfunkle" to "Lionel" and "Richie"
10. Continue to be turned on by the Overstock.com commercials
posted by immixmarketer at 7:30 AM
67 Comments:
Nice.
Umm...okay weekend...got drunk at a wedding...I'm expecting the job offer to come in on Wednesday...
I might tell them I need a new car, and a place downtown to make the committment, but a blowjob from my boss' assistant might seal the deal.
I'm impressed with the Capri-Sun skills. I never get it on the first try and my straw usually ends up just a mangled piece of plastic by the end. Sucks.
Gold star for you!
A
PS - do you think that Lionel the Nut is pissed off at Richie the Nut for getting the better name?
hmmm...
Lionel has better hair though.
What did you get double dog dared to do?
P/S You've inspired me to do a blog of the week - can I do you first...wait that came out wrong...oh well its Monday - fuck it.
So did you take the dare or what? You could have held out for the triple, you know.
Freaking hilarious.
Lionel and Richie eh?
Meet Batman and Robin!
No Yogi and BooBoo for names? Such a memorable and likable pair. :-P
About the double-dog dare...
So I got wasted at a wedding, and people enjoy my ability to do stupid shit when I'm wasted, so long story shot, after the reception, at a comedy club with terrible comedians, I was dared to throw one of the rolls from our table at the guy on stage.
I did, I missed by a good 3 feet, but it did get me free drinks that night.
You HAVE to pour one out for the homies!!!! That is hilarious.
Why are you guys so down on O-Town? Maybe if you knew a little bit more about them you wouldn't make such ignorant insults. Please visit the O-Town fan site portion of my blog.
Kim Plaintive:
Don't be an ass.
Well, like it says on our profile. They ain't Def Leppard, & if it ani't Def Leppard we don't give a rat's ass.
And apparently I can't spell today either.
I always poke the CapriSun straw through both layers of the foil-plasticy container and then all I get is air, yo! CapriSunning is hard.
Overstock.com: it's all about the O my god, that chick got naked to show off a necklace. Pan down! Pan down! For the love of christ, you fatass, camera-toting bum, pan down!
Personally, I refer to my nuts as 'Johnson & Johnson', but hey....that's just me.
As for the Capri-Sun, excellent execution, but damn that stuff shouldn't be fed to a lab monkey.
Have some PBR instead. It's just as fruity.
Oh, and by the way...
I'm sorry to inform you that I may already have the winning number to Publisher's Clearinghouse.
It's a lock, man.
immixmarketer why are you so down on Kim Plaintive? Maybe if you knew a little bit more about her you wouldn't make such ignorant insults. Please visit the Kim Plaintive blog.
Wow I knew some guys named their "winkies" but the balls too, my I had no idea! I have no names for my boobs, I just call them the girls! Maybe I should name them....any suggestions?
Mike took the words right out of my mouth...and your boobs.
Umm...I will give it some thought, but lets stay away from the trites of Lavern and Shirley....
To my readers...if somebody can name Crystal's boobs better than me (I will have an independant judge) then you will win a prize.
The titular characters in her novel?
I'm voting for Betty and Veronica - I just like the sound of that. Maybe I need to name mine.
Thanks for being on the Earth and making my day much better than it started out.
I really, REALLY hope that you go into Stand Up Comedy. Your material is fabulous and straight up.
PS... I've named mine Sonny, Fredo, & Michael!
How about Heaven and Hell...Crystal, I'll leave it up to you which is which.
-Peace
Hey Brian!
Maybe it's 'cuz I'm Canadian, and this is some wierd cultural phenomenon of which I am unaware(or maybe we have a different name for the verb/noun/whatever it may be), but, what are "spit takes"?
Excuse my humble Canadian ignorance, eh?! :)
:) Itchy and Scratchy?
Sometimes I cry during the Sylvan Learning Center commercials...
Thanks for your prompt response to my dim-witted question, Brian!
By the way, you've successfully managed to induce a few exceptional "spit takes" from me!
Much thanks!
Hope to hear from you soon, too!
-Rach-
Interesting Blog. Clever!
Boob names:
Sonny & Cher (y'know, one for the sonny and a spare...to share...)
Yin & Yang
The Peakes Sisters (Tamnee and Rosie)
just a few suggestions.
That's TAWNEE and Rosie--
dyslexia, oh my dog!!!
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My name is Brian and I love lists:)
Fun blog. I'll be back.
i wonder what would really happen if a dog was fed pop rocks. hrm.....
dude, i hear you, that overstock commercial chick is hot!
Nicely named nuts.
My major achievement of the day* is not doing a freakin' thing. And they still pay me?!
*Tis Tuesday here. Maybe I shouldn't had that reisling last night.
I double-dog dare you to ask the members of O-Town what they've named their own nuts during their, (I'm sure to be astoundingly spectacular,) performance at the g-rents shindig. I'm impressed you were able to book them, as I've heard they've broken up. You should charge 200 bucks a pop for this thing. I'm sure you'd make bank.
As for my suggestion in the titty-naming competition:
Lisa Lisa & the Cult Jam
I only want to win if the prize is some sort of sexual favour. Or booze.
ya, pretty sure im gonna win the publishers clearinghouse..unless we have the same address...is that you thats been sitting outside my door? go away pervert!
oh, and i think she should name them chrissy and janet in honor of john ritter. he would have liked that..
*pouring some out for my homey john*
btw, ive never been here before so i hope you dont get offended by me stopping by and harrassing you..
I never named my nuts or my weasel, but I do call the whole package my skin-satchel and wizard staff.
okay... just out cruisin the web and and found your blog...
i have learned s'thing new...
i knew guys named their cocks, but i never knew they named their ballz too...
makes me think i should name the girlz...
B.
Boob names.
Six Grand Sisters?
(How much does a titty job cost?)
Or are they real?
By the way, Six Grand Sisters would be a great band name.
Or Not. Whatever.
Oh, yeah my right nut is named Vasect and left one is named Calvin the Cutted.
turned on by overstock? which one the girl who talks naked or the indian girls...heheh nice site
I thought O town was extinct???
Great site, but I sense you are lacking in the spiritual department. Come join the Confusionist faith, the official religion for the London 2012 Olympics, at:
http://www.cyber-pope.blogspot.com
Love reading your blog. I make lists of all the crap I have to do in a day while I sit at work and never get them done. Maybe I should make a list at the end of the day of things I actually did so I don't feel like a loser for never getting the first list done.
very disappointed by the pictures of what I "expected" from Lionel and Richie
i am also obsessed with "gleaming the cube"
it might have been christian slaters best work..ok, it was his best. where is he anyway?
Is it just me, or am I the only one intensely bothered by people leaving comments such as, "Hey, great site. Found it while surfing. Check out my blog." That or one of its thousand variations. Fuck you people and your pimping. Earn your traffic with good content, bitches.
fabulous...
mine are lefty and righty,
hubby's are benny and the jets!
love the site!
Great blog! Will definately be back to check it out again!
Fredo, your hair rocks! I want to run my fingers through it as you attend to my un-named breasts. Don't change.
For naming the tatas, I think it should be Thelma and Louise.
jen, you are so evil! I just spent the last 30 minutes reading all these comments with my boob names in mind and then your comment, the last comment, stole away my glory! Ok, I think I have one that is better anyway--how about Lady and the Tramp?
I have given Pop Rocks to dogs before. Totally safe.
I'm still not satisfied with the boob results...yes I did feed the dog Pop Rocks, and yes he was fine...a little stunned, but all was good.
I hate to leave a man unsatisfied, so I shall try again....how about...
S & M
I picked Thelma and Louise because tatas can get a woman attention, they can get us free drinks, but occasionally they can get us in trouble. Often times to the point of becoming fugitives and running from the law only to gun the engine and drive into a deep chasm. :-P
I drank a 40-ounce Diet Rockstar at work today and cranked up the Stryper. Then when people complained, I beat them all down with my ass neck and lamb-nipples. I also BG'd (Bee-geed)their keyboards and mice while they were away.
Oh, PS - BG stands for butt grease.
my nuts are named fred and ricky. those capri sun's are a bitch to open.
Dearest Boy Friday:
I'm beginning to think you're a bit of a tease...How much longer are you going to keep us in suspense over the breast-naming competition? If no one is deemed worthy of the prize, at least let us know what the prize would have been. Or, start a new game where we might have a chance at winning it. Cos playing with you is so much fun!
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thanks to you I have decided to name the girls...
Lefty is Lila and righty is Shiba - both biblical name of women who caused the destruction of man - Dililah and Bethshiba!!!
wooohoooo....
still loving your blog,
=) B.
Pop rocks to the dog is hysterical...
My boobs are named Thunder and Lightning...they are quite a show!
Ha ha ha
cpwool -
Left breast=Morgan
Right breast= Stanley
Left Nut=Dean
Right Nut=Witter
ROFLMAO
It's realy bizarre to see all these guys faces on the posts and know what they named their nuts. Scary images...I just keep seeing one-eyed monsters everywhere!! Thanks for the comic relief!!
my boobs are called....
left=pam
right=ela
=pamela
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