Highlights of My Day
1. Woke up in the middle of the night freezing, fell back asleep and had a dream that their was a balls freezing off epidemic going on in Canada
2. Sang the O'Jays hit "Love Train" in the shower...pretty sure my neighbors could hear me
3. Realized everyone I know named Chris either has a speech impediment or is married to a Mexican
4. Watched a lady pay for her food at drive-thu window #1, and forgot to stop at #2 for her food
5. 30 seconds later I saw a guy walk into McDonald's who looked like he ate fast food about every 15 minutes
6. Started smoking cigarettes just so I can be that asshole who lights one up and says "don't start smoking man, this shit will kill you."
7. Admitted to myself that I am obsessed with other people's away messages on IM
8. Sent in another audition tape to the casting director of The O.C.
9. Had a fart that smelled like burnt rubber
10. Asked the lifeguard at the pool if she knew where I could get some arm floaties
Lie of the day:
My mom and her college roommate invented quilted toilet paper
2. Sang the O'Jays hit "Love Train" in the shower...pretty sure my neighbors could hear me
3. Realized everyone I know named Chris either has a speech impediment or is married to a Mexican
4. Watched a lady pay for her food at drive-thu window #1, and forgot to stop at #2 for her food
5. 30 seconds later I saw a guy walk into McDonald's who looked like he ate fast food about every 15 minutes
6. Started smoking cigarettes just so I can be that asshole who lights one up and says "don't start smoking man, this shit will kill you."
7. Admitted to myself that I am obsessed with other people's away messages on IM
8. Sent in another audition tape to the casting director of The O.C.
9. Had a fart that smelled like burnt rubber
10. Asked the lifeguard at the pool if she knew where I could get some arm floaties
Lie of the day:
My mom and her college roommate invented quilted toilet paper
posted by immixmarketer at 11:47 AM
45 Comments:
1.Walmart is having a huge sale on floaties -- all kinds of them.
2.Burning rubber is NOT the worst smell a fart can make. Trust me. I teach 8th grade in a boys' school.
I was singing Let's Get It On this morning in the shower.
Just singing - dammit.
Hey...I've seen that guy too...only at Carl Jr.'s
Don't start smoking, man!
It seems Allison has mastered the art of posting her own blog on someone else's comments page.
Great job Allison!
I can't believe you forgot the rubex cube :)
Or, maybe you want us to create a harem of rich bitches for your personal pleasure.
In that case, I could use one as well.
The Rubiks cube was on her list.
Have no idea what the "rubex cube" is...but, it sounds kinky. I'll use it on my harem of bitches.
Please let me know if Allison's comment is worth reading. Thank you.
Maybe that's why I want to smoke?
Sorry if i spelled rubiks wrong, string me up, tar and feather me DANG
unbelievable blog...helps me get through my insanely boring job. i also sing in the shower...unfortunately its ususally some retarded backstreet boys song my roommate sings. oh, allison, she's hot.
I'm officially calling Kinky Women #'s 1 through 4 as part of my Bitch Harem.
And if you ARE into that sort of thing, Kay Ray, please let me know. I'm very good with tar and feathers and I've got mad skills in stringing people up.
You're obsessed with IM away messages too? I log on to AOL Instant messenger just to see people's away message. How pathetic!
Just ran across your blog and laughed my ass off! Seriously, I havent laughed like that since, um...Saturday.
LOVE LOVE LOVE it!
Thank you Yer Daddy. If it is gonna drive me to suicide, then I'll stay clear. You just saved a life.
Yesterday I saw TWO different women in a Mommy and Me class with lazy eyes.
I didn't actually pay at window #1. My boyfriend worked their and I had to give him lunch money. That is why I didn't pick anything up at window #2! :)
there not their, my bad! I guess that is why I have a boyfriend that works at fast food!
Well, your blogs are awesome man. But it's kinda weird that so much funny crap happens in front of you every single day.
Or maybe it's a way of looking at things.
But even if it's imagination, you could one day make a book just out of these highlights of the day...
It would sell man.
Well thought of for sure, whoever you are...
anonymous,
That was fucking hilarious. Abso-fucking-lutely! I want to read YOUR blog!! Why post anonymously when you're so funny?
Things that make you go, "Hmmmmm..."
I have a lazy eye you FUCKERS! And nothing sets it off more than Van McCoy's "The Hustle."
Word to your mother..
I <3 quilted TP.
Who would actually admit to blocking out a portion of their day for playing Dungeons and Dragons? That's like planning your T.V. viewing schedule days in advance - you need a life!
Brian,
Just for your information, it is superbly hot right now in Canada.... the mercury's hittin' 32 celsius (that's 89.6 fahrenheit to you).
Therefore, to put your mind at ease... don't fret, their will not be any balls-freezing-off epidemic in Canada.... until winter that is. I'll let ya know when we dip down into the minus forties(-40C also happens to equal -40F.... for comparision's sake), so you know when NOT to take a voyage to the North.
-Rach-
5. 30 seconds later I saw a guy walk into McDonald's who looked like he ate fast food about every 15 minutes
And here I thought all those guys were here at Myrtle Beach with their guts hanging over their swim suits in my line of view....
Great page... Today I saw a nyc thug kick it to this fine fox. After she dissed him and told him to get a job, she turned around to walk up the stairs and bust her ass!!!
I like the addition of a lie of the day. This should be intersting.
Blake
The lady paying for her food at window #1 and then drove off past #2 without her food, cracked me up. How hilarious!
I don't trust the weather in a country where they have ketchup/catsup flavored potato chips.
You mean to tell me that you don't have ketchup chips in America? Wow.... you'll never know such joy as snackin' on Old Dutch Ketchup chips.... nothing quite compares....
That was funny as hell :)
I love the page, keep it up!
Man, I've been smoking since I was 15 (18 years now) and trust me - that shit would kill us both one day.
But think about it: tobacco provides employment not only for the Marbloro Man - think about the lawyers, doctors, truck drivers, and gazillions of other ppl who would be without a job if it wasn't because of cigarettes.
Now, you don't want to be responsible to make the deficit even worse (and Greenspan unhappy) by putting all that ppl out of business and on welfare, rite?
I didn't think so.
So, smoke on !
I plan my porn-viewing schedule days in advance and openly admit to blocking out a portion of my day to watch them Vivid Girls. One day Dasha...the next Raylene...
And, Mr. Married...Your hair's not outdated, darlin', it's RETRO. It's all good. How's your dog?
I've always had a thing for the Marlboro Man. Anybody into roleplay?
Is it just me or is Natalie Merchant's voice annoying?
Jaysus, you get a shitload of hits.
And, yes, usually Porn Time coincides with Self-Love Time...but, not always.
How do you clear away quilted toilet paper???
I resemble that remark - the first one.
Paul Martin
Prime Minister, Canada
Once I stopped at McD's at a freeway rest area for fries & burgs, then stopped again at the next rest area for a milkshake and gave the window guy my trash from stop #1. I cried all the way home over the new low I had reached.
Hey Rachel, I love Old Dutch Ketchup chips! I found some Ketchup chips here in the US but they aren't the same. We also don't have Macentosh Toffee... mmm they are so good!
I used to play D&D in high school. The boys would never let me DM because my games would turn into porn adventures.
I had a half-elf thief that had a thing for having mad sex with orcs. She would also use the bejeweled handle of her magic dagger as a sextoy.
Number three is so funny and random. Actually... this entire blog is. But that's why I like it. Reading about real people is so much more entertaining than reading some works of fiction.
Came across your blog...hilarious!
I have actually committed the crime of paying at window #1 and forgetting to stop at window #2.
At least now I know the person behind me was laughing their ass off.
Re: That asshole who says "don't start smoking man, this shit will kill you."
I am him.
Post a Comment
<< Home