Friday, September 16, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Norton discovered a virus on my computer named "Five Dollar, Sucky Sucky"
2. Realized the only way to get good use out of a stress ball is to throw one at somebody you don't like, as hard as you possibly can
3. Saw a co-worker log into Simple Plan's official fan club website...if you are asking yourself, what is so wrong with that....then please log off now
4. Learned the tough way that drinking 4 Jager-bombs on my lunch hour was not a wise move
5. Also learned the tough way that having Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" as your ringtone is not cool
6. Walked in on a guy picking a booger in the restroom at Panera Bread
7. Let out a huge fart and said to the booger guy, "dude you're disgusting"
8. Continue to wonder how those ships get into those bottles
9. Filled out a new employee questionnaire at work...when asked "tell us something unique about yourself" I replied with "I once was the runner up in a Burt Reynolds look-a-like contest."
10. Found out that response, along with a long list of smart-ass/made-up answers got send out to the entire company

Fart Flavor of the Day: Scrambled Eggs with a side of Baby Diapers (not to be confused with a side of Adult Diapers)


Anonymous hernesto g said...

you dumb and not funny fatty

September 15, 2005 9:43 PM  
Blogger The Phantom of The Opera said...

You provide me with laughs. Thank you.

September 15, 2005 9:43 PM  
Blogger Carlyjayjay said...

Wow. If you ever wanted the strangest cross-section of your readers possible, you just got your wish in those first two comments.

Will the Phantom start shouting, "TYPE, MY ANGEL OF COMEDY!"? Will the other guy think up another grade 3 insult? Stay tuned.

September 15, 2005 11:16 PM  
Blogger Yaeli said...

Did the panera bread guy work there? Cos if he did, gross!

September 16, 2005 1:01 AM  
Blogger Nickolaus Kersting said...

Good one, disgorgement pictures are always funny.

September 16, 2005 2:12 AM  
Blogger ~April~ said...

so glad you're back, you should post daily, I need your wisdom.

September 16, 2005 4:55 AM  
Blogger Faithmy said...

That vomit picture will now be in my head forever....Thank you.

September 16, 2005 5:00 AM  
Blogger LB said...

Instead of throwing your stress ball at someone "as hard as you can". Try ripping it apart. Those things are super strong. I believe they are made of some new space age polymer. Of course this has been known to cause more stess.

September 16, 2005 5:58 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

Ya, How do the ships get in the bottles?

September 16, 2005 6:11 AM  
Blogger ~The Goofy Ass Chick said...

I've wondered about those damn ships too! Or how they get the creme inside Twinkies. Oh the wonderment of life.

September 16, 2005 7:09 AM  
Blogger David said...

always a pleasure...

September 16, 2005 8:09 AM  
Blogger Angela said...

well, it's obvious now that packing a lunch today was totally unnecessary.

September 16, 2005 9:03 AM  
Blogger Buck Rogers said...

funny as hell
and my word ver was dnutyut

September 16, 2005 10:25 AM  
Blogger desertdiamond said...

Glad you are back...we've needed you.

September 16, 2005 10:33 AM  
Blogger Lady K said...

Once again...BRILLIANT! Been waiting for a new post! I've always been partial to Donna's song "Bad Girls" myself...LOL

September 16, 2005 10:52 AM  
Blogger The Megan said...

as usual, your post was highly amusing and not the least bit disturbing... keep up the good work!!!

ok, so that comment was actually only half true... can you guess which half???

oh, and i disagree with april's comment above about posting daily... while new hightlights on a daily basis would be great at first, i think it is about quality, not quantity, and i'd much rather get a little less of the 'ROFLMAO' stuff than a lot of the 'eh, that was a-ight' stuff.

just my 2 cents.

September 16, 2005 10:56 AM  
Blogger The Phantom of The Opera said...


September 16, 2005 11:46 AM  
Blogger Pete Mitchell said...

D'ya know where you I can buy those stress balls in bulk?

Tell me. Tell me now. I have to know! This is stressing me out!

September 16, 2005 11:58 AM  
Blogger Cupcake said...

Once again I found myself with Diet Vanilla Coke coming out my nostrils.

A long, long time ago I WAS runner up in a Lindsay Wagner look-alike contest. She was the IT GIRL of the day.

thanks for dredging up THAT memory

September 16, 2005 12:57 PM  
Blogger DaMasta said...

Did you know that Kolache Factory had the following fillings:

-BarBQ Beef
-Chocolate Cream Cheese
-Italian Chicken
-Philly Cheesesteak

I wonder why they don't have Quesadilla-filled kolaches?

September 16, 2005 1:43 PM  
Blogger Bobby said...

simple plan has fans? and a website?

MY faith in humanity continues to crumble...

September 16, 2005 6:37 PM  
Anonymous lc said...

Whats wrong with simple plan, i for one love the music. at least you gotta like damage control. no? i guess its just me against the world.
ps. i too im in the fan club

September 16, 2005 7:26 PM  
Blogger The Phantom of The Opera said...

All you need is my music.

September 16, 2005 7:46 PM  
Blogger allison said...

yeah, i had 3 of those damn bombs last night and it definitely wasn't wise....i didn't get sick but i feel terrible.......hence the reason i'm at home on a Friday night. ;-)

September 16, 2005 7:46 PM  
Blogger Little Miss said...

Those ships...those bottles...

how DO they do that?!

September 16, 2005 8:23 PM  
Blogger AKH said...

Those stress balls are even better for throwing at the car that just cut you off in rush hour traffic. It's worth more points if you can get it in their window.

September 16, 2005 8:25 PM  
Blogger Wendebular said...

Simple Plan are weak! Seriously. What was Canada thinking, letting them out?

September 17, 2005 5:37 AM  
Blogger Earl Jenkin™ said...

At this moment, it is 9:59AM Eastern Time, United States. I just felt someone should know that I am ripping the absolute sickest, most rancid farts (just did one!) of recent memory, maybe in a decade.
The odor is a permeation of beef jerky, stuffed mushrooms, red wine, and a Sierra Mist I just drank.
And all the while I'm cupping my hand between my legs and scooping up the vapor to my nose to savor what my body can create.

September 17, 2005 6:56 AM  
Blogger Little Sweety said...

Dude, you're weird... and I like it...
Does that make me weird, too?

September 17, 2005 9:05 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Thanks for explaining that man I was wondering why you called me disgusting after blowing up the bathroom...

September 17, 2005 9:27 AM  
Blogger American Girl said...

laughed out loud.... again

September 17, 2005 3:06 PM  
Blogger kitty said...

You absolutely crack me up.

September 17, 2005 6:58 PM  
Blogger Ms Misanthropist said...

3. Saw a co-worker log into Simple Plan's official fan club website...

Oh man, did he have a password and everything?

September 18, 2005 6:07 AM  
Blogger Raris said...

Putting a ship into a bottle is not as difficult as you all seem to think.

The ship is created so that the masts are collapsable and tiny holes are in them where strings are attched.

The ship is then slid into the bottle using a delicate hand and some tweezers to get it into the correct position.

When the strings are pulled the masts stand up!

Then the strings are cut and there you have your ship in a bottle!

September 18, 2005 7:42 AM  
Blogger Orkie said...

yager bombs? We gotta do lunch.

And that last comment just ruined it for me. I learned how magicians cut people in half and how boats get into bottles in the same week. I don't think I can handle being so jaded

September 18, 2005 7:23 PM  
Blogger Orkie said...

yager bombs? We gotta do lunch.

And that last comment just ruined it for me. I learned how magicians cut people in half and how boats get into bottles in the same week. I don't think I can handle being so jaded

September 18, 2005 7:24 PM  
Blogger Kate said...

I hear those adult diapers are pretty damn expensive. I wonder if they reuse/recycle?

September 18, 2005 8:47 PM  
Blogger ***Double_Oh_No*** said...

I don't know that I can ever eat at Panera Bread again without thinking of rancid farts.


September 19, 2005 6:51 AM  
Blogger Pokey said...

Thanks for yet another great post. I love it! I always check it every Monday morning so I can start my week off right!

September 19, 2005 8:32 AM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

You provide me with reason to buy a Turbo Groomer.

September 20, 2005 9:16 AM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

Also, an alternate method of placing a ship in a bottle is to train crickets in the art of ship building.

I've never done this, but I have trained all my crickets to fellate the rats.

And trust me, if you've got as many rats as I do, this is of far greater value than decorative ships in bottles.

But before you judge me for being a filthy bastard with rats, I must explain. I'm currently the first mate on the HMS Horatio Glassblower, the largest ship in a bottle ever manufactured.

I sail under the flag of the Queen of England in defense of the royal yacht.

We are currently on a three-year expedition through the London sewer system.

Plus -- my roommate's gun's got nine bullets. Nine bullets in my roommate's gun.

September 20, 2005 9:22 AM  
Blogger The Phantom of The Opera said...

you are hilarious.

September 20, 2005 10:16 AM  
Blogger Mad Munkey said...

It's so sad you don't write these lists more often. Always a good chuckle.

September 20, 2005 1:00 PM  
Blogger Heaven or Hell said...

You are hysterical. I love it. Keep it up.

September 20, 2005 1:05 PM  
Blogger Fredo Teabaggins said...

Hernesto G. got his ass handed to him by Tacomaker the other day. Taco totally knocked him off his moped by opening the door to my El Camino.

Ha ha! Like that Hernesto! Ya fuck!

September 21, 2005 12:25 AM  
Blogger Michelle said...

i am soooo embarassed to be canadian (only for the simple plan being from canada thing). i can't apologize enough for that one. i have a couple of questions:

1. what exactly is a jager bomb?

2. who is hernesto g? he left a comment on my site saying my kitten looks like a giant mouse with fangs. peekaboo was offended. she is very cute.

update soon! i love this place!

September 21, 2005 8:48 AM  
Blogger duh said...

love the renaming of the hurricane that is great! Seriously should go for that kind of stuff.

September 21, 2005 9:00 AM  
Blogger Los said...

You should rename your blog site blog titles to "Highlights of my week."

I'm not trying to be negative. I love your site, and click on it every day in the hopes that you have updated it - I need my Casual Friday fix more than once a week, though!

September 21, 2005 10:49 AM  
Blogger austinizer said...

This is funny and all...but also slightly less funny than it was a month ago. I think TheCasualFriday has jumped the proverbial shark.

September 21, 2005 6:33 PM  
Blogger TLG said...

Everyone here at work chuckled at the virus name. we wonder why we dont get cool viruses here.

September 21, 2005 7:22 PM  
Blogger Vijayeta said...

I have to keep coming back everyday for the laughs. Am i the only Indian on this page? ...Just wondered :)
Keep the laughs coming :)

September 22, 2005 3:49 AM  
Blogger The Husband said...

am i at the right place...this is for the online gangbang correct?

September 22, 2005 2:02 PM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

Jesus God, Spackler. Who the fuck let you in here?

September 22, 2005 2:37 PM  
Blogger Cath said...

So does your virus "love you long time"?

September 22, 2005 7:14 PM  
Blogger Yaz said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

September 22, 2005 7:59 PM  
Blogger Yaz said...

I think the ships are constructed using the same technology as those collapsable kids' toys and shoved - ever-so-lovingly - into the bottles...

Just my perverted take on it.

September 22, 2005 8:01 PM  
Blogger Racheal said...

Hey. Wait. I like Simple Plan..

September 29, 2005 3:54 PM  

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