Highlights of My Day
1. Norton discovered a virus on my computer named "Five Dollar, Sucky Sucky"
2. Realized the only way to get good use out of a stress ball is to throw one at somebody you don't like, as hard as you possibly can
3. Saw a co-worker log into Simple Plan's official fan club website...if you are asking yourself, what is so wrong with that....then please log off now
4. Learned the tough way that drinking 4 Jager-bombs on my lunch hour was not a wise move
5. Also learned the tough way that having Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" as your ringtone is not cool
6. Walked in on a guy picking a booger in the restroom at Panera Bread
7. Let out a huge fart and said to the booger guy, "dude you're disgusting"
8. Continue to wonder how those ships get into those bottles
9. Filled out a new employee questionnaire at work...when asked "tell us something unique about yourself" I replied with "I once was the runner up in a Burt Reynolds look-a-like contest."
10. Found out that response, along with a long list of smart-ass/made-up answers got send out to the entire company
Fart Flavor of the Day: Scrambled Eggs with a side of Baby Diapers (not to be confused with a side of Adult Diapers)
2. Realized the only way to get good use out of a stress ball is to throw one at somebody you don't like, as hard as you possibly can
3. Saw a co-worker log into Simple Plan's official fan club website...if you are asking yourself, what is so wrong with that....then please log off now
4. Learned the tough way that drinking 4 Jager-bombs on my lunch hour was not a wise move
5. Also learned the tough way that having Donna Summer's "Hot Stuff" as your ringtone is not cool
6. Walked in on a guy picking a booger in the restroom at Panera Bread
7. Let out a huge fart and said to the booger guy, "dude you're disgusting"
8. Continue to wonder how those ships get into those bottles
9. Filled out a new employee questionnaire at work...when asked "tell us something unique about yourself" I replied with "I once was the runner up in a Burt Reynolds look-a-like contest."
10. Found out that response, along with a long list of smart-ass/made-up answers got send out to the entire company
Fart Flavor of the Day: Scrambled Eggs with a side of Baby Diapers (not to be confused with a side of Adult Diapers)
posted by immixmarketer at 12:01 AM
39 Comments:
you dumb and not funny fatty
Wow. If you ever wanted the strangest cross-section of your readers possible, you just got your wish in those first two comments.
Will the Phantom start shouting, "TYPE, MY ANGEL OF COMEDY!"? Will the other guy think up another grade 3 insult? Stay tuned.
Did the panera bread guy work there? Cos if he did, gross!
Good one, disgorgement pictures are always funny.
so glad you're back, you should post daily, I need your wisdom.
I've wondered about those damn ships too! Or how they get the creme inside Twinkies. Oh the wonderment of life.
always a pleasure...
well, it's obvious now that packing a lunch today was totally unnecessary.
funny as hell
and my word ver was dnutyut
Glad you are back...we've needed you.
as usual, your post was highly amusing and not the least bit disturbing... keep up the good work!!!
ok, so that comment was actually only half true... can you guess which half???
oh, and i disagree with april's comment above about posting daily... while new hightlights on a daily basis would be great at first, i think it is about quality, not quantity, and i'd much rather get a little less of the 'ROFLMAO' stuff than a lot of the 'eh, that was a-ight' stuff.
just my 2 cents.
Did you know that Kolache Factory had the following fillings:
-BarBQ Beef
-Chocolate Cream Cheese
-Italian Chicken
-Philly Cheesesteak
???
I wonder why they don't have Quesadilla-filled kolaches?
simple plan has fans? and a website?
MY faith in humanity continues to crumble...
Whats wrong with simple plan, i for one love the music. at least you gotta like damage control. no? i guess its just me against the world.
ps. i too im in the fan club
Those ships...those bottles...
how DO they do that?!
Those stress balls are even better for throwing at the car that just cut you off in rush hour traffic. It's worth more points if you can get it in their window.
Simple Plan are weak! Seriously. What was Canada thinking, letting them out?
Thanks for explaining that man I was wondering why you called me disgusting after blowing up the bathroom...
laughed out loud.... again
You absolutely crack me up.
3. Saw a co-worker log into Simple Plan's official fan club website...
Oh man, did he have a password and everything?
Putting a ship into a bottle is not as difficult as you all seem to think.
The ship is created so that the masts are collapsable and tiny holes are in them where strings are attched.
The ship is then slid into the bottle using a delicate hand and some tweezers to get it into the correct position.
When the strings are pulled the masts stand up!
Then the strings are cut and there you have your ship in a bottle!
I hear those adult diapers are pretty damn expensive. I wonder if they reuse/recycle?
I don't know that I can ever eat at Panera Bread again without thinking of rancid farts.
Blech!
Thanks for yet another great post. I love it! I always check it every Monday morning so I can start my week off right!
You provide me with reason to buy a Turbo Groomer.
Also, an alternate method of placing a ship in a bottle is to train crickets in the art of ship building.
I've never done this, but I have trained all my crickets to fellate the rats.
And trust me, if you've got as many rats as I do, this is of far greater value than decorative ships in bottles.
But before you judge me for being a filthy bastard with rats, I must explain. I'm currently the first mate on the HMS Horatio Glassblower, the largest ship in a bottle ever manufactured.
I sail under the flag of the Queen of England in defense of the royal yacht.
We are currently on a three-year expedition through the London sewer system.
Plus -- my roommate's gun's got nine bullets. Nine bullets in my roommate's gun.
It's so sad you don't write these lists more often. Always a good chuckle.
You are hysterical. I love it. Keep it up.
Hernesto G. got his ass handed to him by Tacomaker the other day. Taco totally knocked him off his moped by opening the door to my El Camino.
Ha ha! Like that Hernesto! Ya fuck!
i am soooo embarassed to be canadian (only for the simple plan being from canada thing). i can't apologize enough for that one. i have a couple of questions:
1. what exactly is a jager bomb?
2. who is hernesto g? he left a comment on my site saying my kitten looks like a giant mouse with fangs. peekaboo was offended. she is very cute.
update soon! i love this place!
love the renaming of the hurricane that is great! Seriously should go for that kind of stuff.
You should rename your blog site blog titles to "Highlights of my week."
I'm not trying to be negative. I love your site, and click on it every day in the hopes that you have updated it - I need my Casual Friday fix more than once a week, though!
Everyone here at work chuckled at the virus name. we wonder why we dont get cool viruses here.
Hey!
I have to keep coming back everyday for the laughs. Am i the only Indian on this page? ...Just wondered :)
Keep the laughs coming :)
V
am i at the right place...this is for the online gangbang correct?
Jesus God, Spackler. Who the fuck let you in here?
So does your virus "love you long time"?
Hey. Wait. I like Simple Plan..
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