Highlights of My Day

1. Considered what taking up bird watching would do for my sex life.
2. Saw a midget struggling at a drinking fountain
3. Spent the next 5 minutes watching that midget struggle
4. Tried to deposit "movie money" into my Fifth Third bank account
5. Met my new neighbor, Clyde, he asked if I would want to watch NASCAR with him sometime
6. Met Clyde's wife, Deena, she talked for 30 straight minutes about their three cats, Milly, Molly, and Noodles
7. Called the moving company to find out when I needed to return the rental truck, I also asked what they wanted me to do about the little boys arm that was still stuck in the front grill...they didn't find it funny
8. Answered the question; "Who actually buys this shit?" when a guy at the gas station was complaining that the condom machine in the bathroom took his money
9. Glued my fingers and toes together to see if I could swim faster
10. Asked random people if I could sign their casts... (they didn't have any broken bones)