Highlights of My Day
1. Filed a lawsuit that states I was the original coreographer of Janet Jackson's Rhythm Nation
2. Dreamt I huffed endust w/ Danny Bonaduce
3. Woke up and Danny Donaduce was passed out on my couch
4. Got a call from my stoner friend to let me know he invented the process of buttering corn with peanut butter
5. Took a $200 bet that I wouldn't replace the CEO's parking space sign with an "Parking for Assholes Only" sign
6. Killed 45 minutes at work by flipping a penny 100 times to see if the heads-to-tail odds would really be 50/50....ended up being 62 heads-to-38 tails
7. Made a note to never say "Tails never fails" ever again
8. Treated myself to 3 pints of Guiness and a round of Golden Tee on my lunch hour
9. Pretended that I was about to piss myself just to avoid my new neighbor, Deena (the cat lady)
10. Had a fart that sounded like my ass said, "Say what?" (high pitch followed by a base finish)
Fart Flavor of the Day: strawberries dipped in a liquid garbage fondu sauce
2. Dreamt I huffed endust w/ Danny Bonaduce
3. Woke up and Danny Donaduce was passed out on my couch
4. Got a call from my stoner friend to let me know he invented the process of buttering corn with peanut butter
5. Took a $200 bet that I wouldn't replace the CEO's parking space sign with an "Parking for Assholes Only" sign
6. Killed 45 minutes at work by flipping a penny 100 times to see if the heads-to-tail odds would really be 50/50....ended up being 62 heads-to-38 tails
7. Made a note to never say "Tails never fails" ever again
8. Treated myself to 3 pints of Guiness and a round of Golden Tee on my lunch hour
9. Pretended that I was about to piss myself just to avoid my new neighbor, Deena (the cat lady)
10. Had a fart that sounded like my ass said, "Say what?" (high pitch followed by a base finish)
Fart Flavor of the Day: strawberries dipped in a liquid garbage fondu sauce
posted by immixmarketer at 12:01 AM
54 Comments:
Sweet Jesus, I'm first! So, did you replace the parking sign or what?
I have a boss whos an asshole! You are not alone!
the tail side is heavier
27 seconds per flip??
Do you work in low gravity?
:-)
Well, at least you weren't the coreographer for Milli Vanilli.
I didn't go t work today and everybody called me for tech support - everybody. the whole freaking office.
The guy that calculated the seconds per flip really has nothing better to do. These highlights were better than the last, however, I still did not crack a smile. Maybe it's my mood.
Hey, I came up with Janet's arm/elbow jab move for that video while in a mosh pit during college.
Both Ms. Jackson and you will be hearing shortly from my attorney.
Sweet I am the 9th person to post! Still waiting on the truffle shuffle. I think you should do it right after you replace the CEO's parking sign, in his parking space. Might get double your money.........just a thought
You may not be able to get Danny Bona-dousche off your couch, but take comfort in the fact that he is not acting a certain way because the cameras are rolling. He told me himself.
What happened to you?
These are not as funny anymore.
Sorry.
I'm new to this post. I'll be checking back. You have the same type of smartass sense of humor that I do, and I love it!
Well, at least you found lunch for under $15...maybe they should run Guiness and Golfing as a special. That's my kinda place!
If you choreagraphed rythm nation, I hope you didn't pick out those outfits for the video too.
I think if you do these more often and don't structure the list to 10, then maybe you'd find more creativity.
Take it from a girl who does a list of 10 every so often. Yeah.
What am I talking about? You're a genius! And I love you cause you're name is Brian.
Peanut butter on corn ... ewwww!
I so was hoping you were the coreographer of the wardrobe malfunction or the party at neverland that just was not enough proof to convict...
#3-On the plus side:At least you found Danny passed out on your couch rather than beside you in bed.
#10-kinda goes with the territory for the fart flavor of the day.Slang phrases and fondue parties... "The 60's and 70's revisited.
And, for the record, I still find your blog very entertaining. Thanks Brian.
your ass needs its own blog.
Wow! I didn't know your version of blogger didn't have the spell check feature. Maybe they'll upgrade your account soon. Or maybe you should go take a night class at your local JC. Doof.
When is he gonna get published?!
I love it when people say things like that. He makes a list of ten things and 90% of the time they are not funny.
dude ur shit SHOULD be published...oh and Danny Bonadouce said to say whats up...he's currently face down passed out on my persian rug...
alannajoy
I love your stuff -- but "choreographer" is the proper spelling.
I used to tape Janet Jackson videos and try to learn the dance routines. This was in junior high.
why stop at the "CEO's parking space sign with an "Parking for Assholes Only" sign"...just put one right on his door. i've often thought of putting one on my manager's office.
Holy Cow... I'm the 31st person to post!! What are the odds????
Seriously though... I find liquid lunches of the inebrious variety make getting through the second half of the day MUCH easier... especially when it's a MONDAY... my lunch consisted of 1 tuaca lemondrop followed by a Swamp Thing at Razoos... and a side of fried pickles... mmmmmm...
I knew that statistics class was a waste of time.
That fart flavor actually sounds pretty tasty..
Want a funny blog?
Go over to the wedding party's blog.
That is funny. This is not.
Ignore all the big meanies a.k.a. ass wipes, who say you aren't funny anymore. You're still funny, and you're still a hottie! Yeah that's right!
You're still funnier than me!
Keep posting. How ironic that the people who don't think you're funny anymore, seem to keep coming back for more.
CRACKHEADS!!!
First time visitor, this is funny stuff.
Wow. I congratulate you on number of flames per entry. it's something to aspire to....I found this craziness hilarious (oh, how I love to be in the minority!). Though some would claim I'm rather easily amused.
UPDATE!!! Please update . . . I need my Casual Friday fix . . . You're too funny not to update!
Keep up the good work, Brian! You're a very funny person!!! Filipe
you're funny
You were funny 2 WEEKS AGO.
I can't tell whether you're still funny or not, since you haven't given us anything new. If you're not gonna update, you'd better call it "The Casual Month" or something.
Wheeeeere aaaare yoooou?
Wait? When I say "Say what" I don't go from high to low... who the fuck are you listening to say that shit?
When are you going to update your site?...you are missed!
Brian's days have become tedious and tired with fewer and fewer highlights.
I recommend you replace the farts you usually use with oxycodone.
Maybe you are more ill than normal?! Too weak to type, must rest, kind of thing. Hope you are well, will check back sometime.
I wouldn't update either, with all the jackasses leaving negative comments on the blog. If it isn't funny anymore, stop writing it over and over again like anyone gives a damn. Go back to writing on your stupid blogs no one reads, instead of critizing the man for stupid spelling errors and other bullcrap.
r u saving the whales or something?
Trust me when I say, we are more pathetic and helpless without you.
We are all sounding like psycho ex-girlfriends, but please come back. We'll be better. I promise.
Why are the "anonymous" one's always so pissy?!
You should do something more productive with your work day. Allow me to suggest you purchase an electric pencil sharpener and a thousand pencils.
Signed,
A Crazy yet Alarmingly Attractive Cat Lady (bwahahaha) ;)
"Highlights of MY Day"
1. Fowarded an article to my entire company entitled, "How an Unfair "Crummy" Boss can shorten your life!
2. Dreamt I was picking out china patterns with my gay co-worker, Ellen.
3. Woke up wondering about my sexuality
4. Wondered if all gay women were named Ellen?
5. Got an email from a guy on match.com who told me that he could attach his picture cause the file was too large..replied back, "Maybe you should lose some weight and try again?"
6. Coaxed my dog to poop on the lawn of the neighbor I hate.
7. Told people at work that Yom Kippur was when God decided who was going to live another year and also when he reviewed the new fall fashions.
8. Scheduled a Starbucks date with a hottie.
9. Made a fart that smelled like Chocolate covered rotten eggs
10. Lit a match
Is he dead?
Wouldn't that be a trip if he is like sitting in front of his computer, dead. I bet that has happened before.
Not to him, but someone out there, I mean.
Are you dead?
I think he's actually choreographing a new Janet Jackson video.
Watch this space.
I heard Janet J has a secret kid... she didn't know she was prego LOL..
Oh~ What's wrong with this blog..
Are you frozen?
Hightlight of the my day..
I opened refrigerator..
And I got frozen..
But still... did you win the $200?!
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