Thursday, October 27, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Discovered calling off work to watch an I Love the 80's marathon was so worth it
2. Considered what owning a mint-condition Nintendo with PowerPad would do for my sex life
3. Asked a worker in Starbucks if he could point me to the nearest Eiffel Tower
4. Added to his confusion by quickly demanding an M&M Blizzard with sprinkles
5. Pretended to be on my cell phone asking somebody on the other end how to wipe my ass, when a co-worker entered the stall next to me..."Did you say I wipe back to front? Or front to back?"
6. Called up to the HR department to find out if question #5 on my 2006 employee health benefits form, "Do you smoke?" meant cigarettes or "like other stuff"
7. Wondered if anyone would be offended if I show up on Halloween dressed as a hurricane victim (will require lugging around a bucket of water to dump on myself every 10 minutes)
8. Shattered last months numbers by only being spotted twice scratching my balls in public
9. Dreamt I was Janet Jackson's secret daughter...err, huh?
10. Realized even at the age of 24, I still like to spin globes and pretend wherever my finger is when it stops is where I will live....Go Madagascar!

Fart Flavor of the Day: Warm Apple Cider with a splash of ashtrey

Sorry for the 3 weeks with no post...I've been held hostage and forced to wear a sweater vest and tie....SOS!


Blogger immixmarketer said...

Ah hah! Now I'm 1st Bitches,,,


drunk guy asking for more BBQ?

October 27, 2005 9:37 PM  
Blogger blair said...


October 27, 2005 9:47 PM  
Blogger Regan said...

I am a hurricane victim and I'm not offened. Just make sure you carry around a baby doll to be your dead baby.

What? Was that uncalled for?

October 27, 2005 9:56 PM  
Blogger BadGod said...

He's not dead.

Was that the best he could do after 3 weks?

October 27, 2005 10:33 PM  
Blogger Rachel said...

3 week gaps between posts, few or no responses to your readers' comments.... and still, people love ya and keep comin' back for more.... go figure:)

Word Ver: sngnr.... sounds British, like snoggin' her, maybe.

Take care,

October 27, 2005 10:41 PM  
Blogger Getting There said...

Halloween hurricane victim, awesome.
Welcome back.
PS - Somehow the tie and sweater didn't fit....

October 28, 2005 12:53 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Welcome Back!!!

October 28, 2005 5:08 AM  
Anonymous UNFJoel said...

Maybe you could also carry around a battery powered fan for your hurricane victim costume... you know... cause I hear a hurricane is pretty windy.

October 28, 2005 5:16 AM  
Blogger messedupmuggle said...

YAY YOUR BACK but me and taylor still wanna know if you hot AND DONT WEAR SWEATER VESTS IT DONT WORK

October 28, 2005 7:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

it was worth the wait for the "like other stuff" joke...made me laugh out loud.


October 28, 2005 8:11 AM  
Blogger Nausheen said...

hell, the least you could do was take a pic without the sweater and the vest

spice things up a bit

jeez. now all these 1 dollar bills are going to waste.

October 28, 2005 8:54 AM  
Blogger Friends of McDougal said...

Solid. You look like you really need to be a character on a sit-com.

Like somebody's neighbor or something.

Wait, make that somebody's WACKY neighbor.

You look as if you might be able to do wacky.

October 28, 2005 8:56 AM  
Blogger Curious1 said...

Finally back man that's whassup!!!

October 28, 2005 9:08 AM  
Blogger Rob said...

We thought something bad may have happened to you. Welcome Back.

October 28, 2005 9:33 AM  
Blogger FU said...

OH COOL ur alive..

good stuff. i'm pretty sure its front to back by the way.

October 28, 2005 10:11 AM  
Blogger Mary said...


And I would go with the hurricane victim thing also. Don't shave until then and drop your clothes in the lake first and then put them on... should be the right consistentcy of smellyness and dirtyness :)

October 28, 2005 10:38 AM  
Blogger Jinsane said...

Yeah, I was getting pretty tired of looking up your blog every day and staring at the line about Rhythm Nation. Thanks for mixing it up. Whew.

October 28, 2005 12:06 PM  
Blogger The Megan said...

i LOVED the nintendo power pad... classic!

that pic reminds me of chandler from friends... hee hee hee...


October 28, 2005 12:36 PM  
Blogger Pokey said...

So glad you finally posted. I love your idea for the Halloween costume, that rocks! Welcome back

October 28, 2005 12:40 PM  
Blogger Kerri said...

Hahahaha... that is one of the most offensive yet originial ideas for a costume! I love it!

October 28, 2005 12:55 PM  
Blogger B said...

I love the 80's 3D!!

October 28, 2005 1:13 PM  
Blogger Michele's Mumblings said...

You're a funny dude! Always good for a chuckle, even if I'm having a shitty day.

October 28, 2005 2:32 PM  
Blogger melissa said...

Excellent post - welcome back. I think the halloween costume is a great idea. Maybe you should carry and empty gas can too...

October 28, 2005 3:29 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the "I love the 80's 3D" has gone flat.

guphci : How Gucci would sound by thomeone with a lithsp.

October 28, 2005 3:57 PM  
Blogger American Girl said...

rnhmh... could be the sound of pleasure i made upon reading your newest post.

October 28, 2005 5:30 PM  
Blogger AKH said...

Hmmm M&M Blizzards

October 28, 2005 5:57 PM  
Blogger msbrooksie said...

Normally I would laugh at your hurricane joke but I am in Mississippi right now and it is really nothing to joke about.

You can see for yourself. It really is still very bad here.


October 28, 2005 6:50 PM  
Blogger Spinning Girl said...

A few weeks off gave some new oomph to your post. Bravo, my young lad. Bravo.

October 28, 2005 7:02 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Your still effing hawt. . . .

October 28, 2005 7:36 PM  
Blogger Scott said...

vests don't have sleeves, fashion mogul...

October 28, 2005 8:30 PM  
Anonymous Matt said...

OMFG, it's Andy Richter.

October 28, 2005 9:09 PM  
Blogger Shawn said...

Um, I do believe a sweater VEST has NO sleeves! You're still hot tho!

October 28, 2005 10:32 PM  
Blogger Vince S said...

So Brian, what's your take on the Chicago White Sox??

October 29, 2005 5:08 AM  
Blogger Sass and Sugarpants said...

um. i am pretty sure i love you.

October 29, 2005 8:19 AM  
Blogger Kay-D said...

My Favorite Game:
Dictionary Game.
Ask a question.
Open the dictionary to a random page and point at a word with out looking. That word is your answer.

Works everytime....

October 29, 2005 8:52 AM  
Blogger Jen said...

Let me guess..your parents are June and Ward?

October 29, 2005 11:41 AM  
Blogger Geneva Dynamite said...

Everyone is allowed a vacation. Your still a bitch tough. A tie-wearing bitch.


Something about a zip?

October 29, 2005 10:10 PM  
Blogger Anu said...

Hi am new to this worderful world. Hold your farts if you have a runny tummy ;)

October 29, 2005 11:49 PM  
Blogger stimul8 said...

Love your idea on being a hurrican victim for halloween.

October 30, 2005 12:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I find it funny that people that "hate you" waste their time coming back to your site. If you sucked so bad they wouldn't come back~ wouldn't that make sense? Whatever. Youre funny as hell & keep it up


October 30, 2005 2:49 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

Well, thank goodness you're back! Now we can all get on with our lives and stop fiending for you addictive entries like a bunch of blogger crackheads.


one of your fart sounds, perhaps?

October 31, 2005 12:09 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

Oh THANK GOD! I've missed you!!!

October 31, 2005 12:27 PM  
Blogger Jen said...

Ok...This is my first visit to your blog via AP's blog. Your blog is hilarious! I can't stop laughing!
ROTFLMAO @ the Hurricane Victim costume.'s not funny, but's an original idea!

I love the 80's too! I's totally worth skipping work for!

Happy Halloween!

October 31, 2005 7:18 PM  
Blogger Costa Rica said...

That I love the 80's thing was "Grody to the Max" - more mullets than i remembered!

November 01, 2005 7:11 AM  
Blogger The Virtual Gamer (Hevvy Metahl in RPGMMO's) said...

That Gamepad won't go as far with chi as a Virtual Boy!

November 01, 2005 7:13 AM  
Blogger allison said...

personally, i prefer Duckhunt. welcome has been waaayyy too long.

November 01, 2005 8:27 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you noticed that the lady has an accent all of the sudden? Where did that come from?

November 01, 2005 1:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

come on i must know ARE YOU HOT and taylor wasnts 2 know 2

November 01, 2005 2:12 PM  
Blogger blair said...

For the record, I DON'T think Brian sucks! I was just pissed because I was almost first!!!

Brian, I'm sure you got that right?
You know I love you baby!

November 01, 2005 4:39 PM  
Anonymous Sweet Caroline said...

So, my little brother farted into a ziplock baggie and saved it for a month. When he opened the baggie, it still smelled. Just thought I would share that, in case you had a really good flavor and wanted to save it. Also, I think that would be a hilarious ad for ziplock, I can picture the comercial now!

My word ver: xeqbi
a bisexual executive?

I am still waiting on the truffle shuffle, by the way.

November 01, 2005 9:23 PM  
Blogger Michelle said...

i hear a good way to make yourself seem worldly and sophisticated is to order things that don't appear on the menu. i don't necessarily know if that extends to m&m blizzards though.

nice sweater.

anyone know what a zgsmccob is? according to word verification, it's a word. dare you to use it in a sentence.

November 01, 2005 9:57 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

I am SO back on blogger!

And I SO want to hump *you*!

K, bye!

November 02, 2005 5:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm just doing this for the Word Verification thingie. I'm a bored Hurricane Wilma victim who just got Internet back.

P.S. I feel guilty for laughing at your costume joke?


A 14-year-old teenie-bopper's IM slang for "Gee, you're a 'cutie' for realz". Only it would have to be written in alternating caps.

November 02, 2005 6:44 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

LMAO OMFG this site is nuts lmao

November 02, 2005 8:17 PM  
Blogger BadGod said...

You are a tool.

November 02, 2005 11:59 PM  
Blogger yep, it's me.... said...

if a ninetendo power pad does what I imagine , it would do wonders for your sex life. sweater or not.

November 03, 2005 4:22 AM  
Blogger Meg said...

Just wanted to clarify, that I, in fact, am Janet's (Miss Jackson if your family) secret daughter, so keep dreaming. Also, I would like to encourage you on the development of the mint-condition nintendo with power pad idea, as a black woman trapped in a white woman's body, I feel this could ultimately give way to a substantial amount of lovin.'

November 03, 2005 5:55 AM  
Blogger Candee said...

I just keep looking at your picture, it's cracking me up more and more! It's a stellar photo, says volumes about you!

November 03, 2005 8:09 AM  
Blogger T.L. Barker said...

Finger globe result... IRAQ?! What is the globe trying to tell me?

November 03, 2005 8:58 AM  
Blogger Kate said...

Hey that's my classic "retard" expression!

I'm sure we're not related. I don't fart nearly as often or as fragrantly as you.

November 06, 2005 8:59 PM  
Blogger AGRADA said...


You look Like a LION !!

Is true or u just pretending?!


December 16, 2005 1:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You have the Jack Black expression going on in that pic. Can you do the freaky eyebrow wiggle too?

December 19, 2005 1:47 PM  
Blogger platkat said...

Holy shit that picture's great.

January 26, 2006 7:08 PM  
Blogger  said...

Holy Shit I can't belive this si still here.

And your still effing hawt!

July 09, 2007 10:34 AM  

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