Highlights of My Day

10. Smoked peyote, stumbled across a Choose Your Own Adventure book, woke up 14 hours later in the backseat of a taxi with a bucket of fried chicken
9. Threatened a random stranger by poking him in the chest while whispering, "I don't step on toes, I step on necks!"
8. Realized my threat could be viewed as plagarizm, as the great Chuck Norris mentioned those exact words in Delta Force
7. Discovered taking a shit in an empty pop can is not as hard as it may seem
6. Let out a silent fart near the desk of the guy who always wistles "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in the elevator
5. Discovered (yes that's two discoveries today) that I may be the only 24 year old professional who farts on, or around the area of, my co-workers
4. Saw an old man adjust his nut sack
3. Followed around this kid wearing a F.B.I (Female Body Inspector) shrit and kept asking him to please kill himself
2. Placed the greatest bid of all time on E-bay ...somebody really should buy that.
1. Fixed my TiVo and was able to retrieve the episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ned Donnely...it's an emotional roller-coster

Highlight of My Day

I never thought 1 night with his wife would cause so much chaos.