Highlights of My Day
10. Smoked peyote, stumbled across a Choose Your Own Adventure book, woke up 14 hours later in the backseat of a taxi with a bucket of fried chicken
9. Threatened a random stranger by poking him in the chest while whispering, "I don't step on toes, I step on necks!"
8. Realized my threat could be viewed as plagarizm, as the great Chuck Norris mentioned those exact words in Delta Force
7. Discovered taking a shit in an empty pop can is not as hard as it may seem
6. Let out a silent fart near the desk of the guy who always wistles "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in the elevator
5. Discovered (yes that's two discoveries today) that I may be the only 24 year old professional who farts on, or around the area of, my co-workers
4. Saw an old man adjust his nut sack
3. Followed around this kid wearing a F.B.I (Female Body Inspector) shrit and kept asking him to please kill himself
2. Placed the greatest bid of all time on E-bay ...somebody really should buy that.
1. Fixed my TiVo and was able to retrieve the episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ned Donnely...it's an emotional roller-coster
9. Threatened a random stranger by poking him in the chest while whispering, "I don't step on toes, I step on necks!"
8. Realized my threat could be viewed as plagarizm, as the great Chuck Norris mentioned those exact words in Delta Force
7. Discovered taking a shit in an empty pop can is not as hard as it may seem
6. Let out a silent fart near the desk of the guy who always wistles "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in the elevator
5. Discovered (yes that's two discoveries today) that I may be the only 24 year old professional who farts on, or around the area of, my co-workers
4. Saw an old man adjust his nut sack
3. Followed around this kid wearing a F.B.I (Female Body Inspector) shrit and kept asking him to please kill himself
2. Placed the greatest bid of all time on E-bay ...somebody really should buy that.
1. Fixed my TiVo and was able to retrieve the episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ned Donnely...it's an emotional roller-coster
posted by immixmarketer at 9:48 PM
39 Comments:
FIRST!!!!!
Love the blog. Wish my blog was 1/2 as funny.
You rock!
What would the world do without TIVO!!!
thank god your back...and i'm third, wish i had the ingenious insight to humor like you did. I'll just keep trying though
I still don't have
TIVO and I just got an EZpass this week! I had a ginormous cell phone until my friends made fun of me and asked me if I was trying to win a contest.
Glad ur back! Was it something I said? ;)
Do you think you could possibly hook me up with Nick?
Glad to see the highlights have returned!
I was almost to the point of not checking in on this site 3 times a day...
YOU ARE BACK BRIAN!! AWESOME!!
I knew there was a reason that I keep checking back. :o)
Glad you're back.
I needed some ideas to make having gas fun.
He's back! Havent been so happy since - well, yesterday.
I made top ten.
Yeah, my life's complete.
*cheers*
purplesimon out...
Tom Hanks has an entire archive of newbie acting from the 80's. God bless it.
Blake
Glad I kept the page in my favorites. It's good to see you back.
Hi, enjoyed your list. Your still linked...but you knew that anyway. Hope you continue blogging. *PEACE*
Tool.
lol its funny how the ones who make fun of you were still loyal enough to keep checkin back, how sweet..obviously no lives..losers,,,
glad your back at least someones talented at blogging!, not like those fools(refering to the two above my comment..)
Thank God!!!!! Oh my God its the casual Friday guy!!!!!!
You are a fucking genius and shit like that!!!!
Anon - Is that you Egan?
Celine Dion sells albums galore.
"According to Jim" is still on the air.
Olive Garden manages to convince people to eat their "Italian" food.
Is it really any surprise that people still read and enjoy this blog?
if you farted near me i'd cut off your nut sack.
You must have realized what a horrible fucking month I've been having and decided to take pity on me. Thank God. I needed that.
Ubie, you're so sexy when you're angry.
You're coming back around - I can totally feel it.... Have you met your girlfriend, Loo? She's from Charlotte - loves your wit - as I do.
Love you and are so glad you're back!
It wasn't cough syrup, he drank an entire bottle of vanilla extract (not the imitation stuff.)
LOL. That is a classic episode.
Glad you're back! Hope you don't make us wait as long next time.
F**kin' Tease!
you ain't dead yet?
why is that when ever you see pictures of Tom Hanks from his early days, it always looks like he's wearing pajamas?
Its about fucking time...dance little man dance!
Loved Tom Hanks as the alcoholic uncle...one of his best roles ever. And to think, he gave up such greatness as that to be in movies like Cast Away.
Fucking volleyball.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Why did you delete my comment?
It wasn't meant to make you cry....
wow i think you should just delete your blog(to get rid of the losers) and recreate elsewhere, and then get in contact with some of your loyal fans again... ;) just an idea...Oh and iam ANON b/c i dont want people to follow me...and ruin my blog...
I am sure you manage to ruin it all by yourself.....
Yayyyy!
Doesn't everybody fart near their co-workers and walk away.
Great to see the new post.
And didn't Bill the Apostle star in Brokeback Mountain.
Oh Dear God - where have you been??? PLEASE don't ever disappear like that again. Jeez.... some people... just so selfish that they don't realize that their wit and talent are the air and water that keep the rest of us going. Finally - I think I may just be able to cope. Glad to have you back!
Oh my - you're alive, THANK GOD! You don't know how many have missed you. But really - where have you been? Jeez - so selfish -some just don't realize that their wit and humor is the air and water that others survive on. Finally - I think I just may be able to cope. Please don't disappear again. :)
YAY!! I knew you could not reisit.... I love it!!! Bill the Apostle looks like he takes it in the ass...
I'm going to make my millions writing Choose Your Own Adventure Erotica.
'Candy bites down on Angel's left nipple. Angel lets out a slight squeal which only makes Candy bite down that much harder. Angel struggles against the soft rope Candy has tied around her wrists.
If you want Candy to whip out a dildo...turn to page 69.
If you want Candy to go down on Angel...turn to page 3.
If you want Angel to squeal some more...turn to page 37
If you want Candy's good friend Biff, the handyman, to come over...turn to page 71
If you like anal action...read the back cover.
Missed you, Boy Friday.
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