Friday, January 27, 2006

Highlights of My Day

10. Smoked peyote, stumbled across a Choose Your Own Adventure book, woke up 14 hours later in the backseat of a taxi with a bucket of fried chicken
9. Threatened a random stranger by poking him in the chest while whispering, "I don't step on toes, I step on necks!"
8. Realized my threat could be viewed as plagarizm, as the great Chuck Norris mentioned those exact words in Delta Force
7. Discovered taking a shit in an empty pop can is not as hard as it may seem
6. Let out a silent fart near the desk of the guy who always wistles "Don't Worry, Be Happy" in the elevator
5. Discovered (yes that's two discoveries today) that I may be the only 24 year old professional who farts on, or around the area of, my co-workers
4. Saw an old man adjust his nut sack
3. Followed around this kid wearing a F.B.I (Female Body Inspector) shrit and kept asking him to please kill himself
2. Placed the greatest bid of all time on E-bay ...somebody really should buy that.
1. Fixed my TiVo and was able to retrieve the episode of Family Ties, when Tom Hanks guest starred as the alcoholic uncle, Ned Donnely...it's an emotional roller-coster

58 Comments:

Blogger -SPK said...

FIRST!!!!!

Love the blog. Wish my blog was 1/2 as funny.

You rock!

January 28, 2006 9:21 AM  
Blogger Skiingred said...

What would the world do without TIVO!!!

January 28, 2006 11:52 AM  
Blogger Buck Rogers said...

thank god your back...and i'm third, wish i had the ingenious insight to humor like you did. I'll just keep trying though

January 28, 2006 1:35 PM  
Blogger blair said...

I still don't have
TIVO and I just got an EZpass this week! I had a ginormous cell phone until my friends made fun of me and asked me if I was trying to win a contest.

Glad ur back! Was it something I said? ;)

Do you think you could possibly hook me up with Nick?

January 28, 2006 7:22 PM  
Anonymous UNFJoel said...

Glad to see the highlights have returned!

I was almost to the point of not checking in on this site 3 times a day...

January 28, 2006 7:36 PM  
Anonymous ken said...

YOU ARE BACK BRIAN!! AWESOME!!

January 28, 2006 9:39 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I knew there was a reason that I keep checking back. :o)

January 28, 2006 10:45 PM  
Blogger LBseahag said...

Glad you're back.
I needed some ideas to make having gas fun.

January 28, 2006 10:59 PM  
Blogger melissa said...

He's back! Havent been so happy since - well, yesterday.

January 29, 2006 12:15 AM  
Blogger purplesimon said...

I made top ten.

Yeah, my life's complete.

*cheers*

purplesimon out...

January 29, 2006 8:05 AM  
Blogger The Everglades said...

Tom Hanks has an entire archive of newbie acting from the 80's. God bless it.

Blake

January 29, 2006 4:17 PM  
Blogger ~*Bettie said...

Yo Yo Fo' Shizzle! Are you back or teasing?

I'm still a little hurt you know. . .

This calls for make up sex!

January 29, 2006 5:15 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad I kept the page in my favorites. It's good to see you back.

January 29, 2006 6:30 PM  
Blogger Zepplinlady said...

Hi, enjoyed your list. Your still linked...but you knew that anyway. Hope you continue blogging. *PEACE*

January 29, 2006 7:39 PM  
Blogger BadGod said...

Tool.

January 29, 2006 11:36 PM  
Blogger TheBlogSnob said...

This is not good. I thought we agreed to you not blogging anymore.


My eyes are bleeding from your lack of talent!

January 29, 2006 11:37 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

lol its funny how the ones who make fun of you were still loyal enough to keep checkin back, how sweet..obviously no lives..losers,,,

glad your back at least someones talented at blogging!, not like those fools(refering to the two above my comment..)

January 30, 2006 1:51 AM  
Blogger TheBlogSnob said...

You fool!

January 30, 2006 4:05 AM  
Blogger Bill the Apostle said...

Fuck...dude...this sucks. I roll with Jesus Fucking Christ and even he wouldn't forgive this shit.

January 30, 2006 6:40 AM  
Blogger Calzone said...

Thank God!!!!! Oh my God its the casual Friday guy!!!!!!

You are a fucking genius and shit like that!!!!

January 30, 2006 6:41 AM  
Blogger cpwool said...

Wow, that sucked. Why don't you do the world a favor and run into a knife you faggot

January 30, 2006 9:06 AM  
Blogger Gorgs said...

Yo, I think dan had sex with those two dudes in the picture below this.

January 30, 2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger Nick said...

Anon - Is that you Egan?

January 30, 2006 10:32 AM  
Blogger Disciple Dan said...

I forsee you and me, fucking in an alley, against your will.

just a thought

January 30, 2006 10:40 AM  
Blogger Gorgs said...

Yo, I didn't mean Dan and Nick (although I know Dan has had sex with himself and he probably fucked Nick too) I was referring to the two douches in the picture on the main page.

January 30, 2006 10:46 AM  
Blogger Ćœbermilf said...

Celine Dion sells albums galore.

"According to Jim" is still on the air.

Olive Garden manages to convince people to eat their "Italian" food.

Is it really any surprise that people still read and enjoy this blog?

January 30, 2006 11:05 AM  
Blogger Gorgs said...

I love cupcakes so much right now.

January 30, 2006 11:11 AM  
Blogger amera hearts said...

if you farted near me i'd cut off your nut sack.

January 30, 2006 11:48 AM  
Blogger Heather said...

You must have realized what a horrible fucking month I've been having and decided to take pity on me. Thank God. I needed that.

January 30, 2006 4:41 PM  
Blogger yournamehere said...

Ubie, you're so sexy when you're angry.

January 30, 2006 6:00 PM  
Blogger Sophia said...

i am soooooooo glad your back!!!

January 30, 2006 7:33 PM  
Blogger Soarin' Star said...

You're coming back around - I can totally feel it.... Have you met your girlfriend, Loo? She's from Charlotte - loves your wit - as I do.

January 31, 2006 1:06 AM  
Blogger Soarin' Star said...

Love you and are so glad you're back!

January 31, 2006 1:07 AM  
Blogger Meta-Tom said...

I actually remember that FT episode. Wasn't Tom Hanks (Uncle Ned) rummaging through the Keaton house looking for cough syrup or something??? "Family Ties" rocked.

January 31, 2006 12:46 PM  
Blogger The BLS said...

It wasn't cough syrup, he drank an entire bottle of vanilla extract (not the imitation stuff.)

LOL. That is a classic episode.

January 31, 2006 1:13 PM  
Blogger Jinsane said...

Glad you're back! Hope you don't make us wait as long next time.

F**kin' Tease!

January 31, 2006 2:00 PM  
Blogger scumbag said...

you ain't dead yet?

January 31, 2006 4:23 PM  
Blogger Molly said...

funny stuff, i dig the blog. hey, we're both leos.

January 31, 2006 8:42 PM  
Blogger Jason said...

why is that when ever you see pictures of Tom Hanks from his early days, it always looks like he's wearing pajamas?

February 01, 2006 6:43 AM  
Blogger Mr. E said...

Its about fucking time...dance little man dance!

February 01, 2006 8:43 AM  
Blogger Molly said...

whoa! u left the first comment ever on my blog, and it sure was a doozy! thank you? i'll keep reading.

February 01, 2006 10:24 AM  
Blogger Tiffany said...

You should keep on fartin' on your co-workers. Bastards

February 01, 2006 10:51 AM  
Blogger Alecia said...

Loved Tom Hanks as the alcoholic uncle...one of his best roles ever. And to think, he gave up such greatness as that to be in movies like Cast Away.

Fucking volleyball.

February 01, 2006 12:27 PM  
Blogger Alecia said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

February 01, 2006 12:29 PM  
Blogger Hale Bopp said...

HOT SCALDING PITCHFORKS UP THE ASS!!!!!!!

think about it....

February 01, 2006 1:41 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Why did you delete my comment?
It wasn't meant to make you cry....

February 01, 2006 6:35 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow i think you should just delete your blog(to get rid of the losers) and recreate elsewhere, and then get in contact with some of your loyal fans again... ;) just an idea...Oh and iam ANON b/c i dont want people to follow me...and ruin my blog...

February 01, 2006 7:12 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I am sure you manage to ruin it all by yourself.....

February 01, 2006 7:17 PM  
Blogger Satan's brother Carl said...

Hi....my name is Carl.

My brother is such a fucking asshole....

February 01, 2006 7:45 PM  
Blogger Hale Bopp said...

hi friday guy!!!!

i love fridays!

::giggle::

February 01, 2006 7:46 PM  
Blogger Bethany said...

Yayyyy!

February 02, 2006 7:31 AM  
Blogger mamadukez said...

The world as I know it still exists! Welcome back Brian!!!

February 02, 2006 8:01 AM  
Blogger carrotpenis said...

Doesn't everybody fart near their co-workers and walk away.

Great to see the new post.

And didn't Bill the Apostle star in Brokeback Mountain.

February 02, 2006 8:56 AM  
Blogger Soarin' Star said...

Oh Dear God - where have you been??? PLEASE don't ever disappear like that again. Jeez.... some people... just so selfish that they don't realize that their wit and talent are the air and water that keep the rest of us going. Finally - I think I may just be able to cope. Glad to have you back!

February 03, 2006 8:23 PM  
Blogger Soarin' Star said...

Oh my - you're alive, THANK GOD! You don't know how many have missed you. But really - where have you been? Jeez - so selfish -some just don't realize that their wit and humor is the air and water that others survive on. Finally - I think I just may be able to cope. Please don't disappear again. :)

February 03, 2006 8:27 PM  
Blogger Julie said...

YAY!! I knew you could not reisit.... I love it!!! Bill the Apostle looks like he takes it in the ass...

February 07, 2006 11:01 AM  
Blogger _14u2nv_ said...

zzzzzzzz......

February 14, 2006 11:33 PM  
Blogger Strumpet said...

I'm going to make my millions writing Choose Your Own Adventure Erotica.

'Candy bites down on Angel's left nipple. Angel lets out a slight squeal which only makes Candy bite down that much harder. Angel struggles against the soft rope Candy has tied around her wrists.

If you want Candy to whip out a dildo...turn to page 69.

If you want Candy to go down on Angel...turn to page 3.

If you want Angel to squeal some more...turn to page 37

If you want Candy's good friend Biff, the handyman, to come over...turn to page 71

If you like anal action...read the back cover.


Missed you, Boy Friday.

February 16, 2006 8:07 PM  

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