Thursday, June 30, 2005

To my readers

Andy: To copy my blog...hey, it's a free country, so do as you please, just don't follow me around, because then we will have the same blogs...oh yeah..and don't be such a deuchebag either...that may help your blog get more readers.

Teresa: Making babies looks like fun...I'll be in touch.

Kasi: I would've said something to the lady, but I was too mesmerized by the size of her sheppards balls.

lcrocks: Sorry about the time thing, I never fill in that section of the whatever shows up is what you get. What does lcrocks stand for??

Highlights of My Day

1. Woke up spooning a box of Granola Bars
2. Cried during a Sylvan Learning Center commercial
3. Figured I still have 4 years, 6 months, and 17 days of training in order to win the gold medal in Curling at the 2010 Winter Olympics
4. Farted into a Tupperware bowl...sealed it...and will release the fumes at midnight
5. Saw a woman bare handedly pick up her German Sheppard's shit from someone else's yard
6. Bought a 24" diameter disco ball at a yard sale for $5.00
7. Dropped a 24" diameter disco ball from my 12th floor window
8. Found a way to tell the difference between Mary Kate & Ashley Olsen thanks to a few back to back episodes of Full House and Tivo
9. Thought about how awesome a Full House Reunion would be
10. 8,709 days straight without sharing chap stick

Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Finally got aroung to asking my mom where babies come from.
2. Wrote my first name left-handed, left-handed & upside-down, and left-handed & upside-down with my eyes closed
3. Met my new neighbors down the hall; he has a major case of man boobs, and she has a F.U.P.A.
4. Bought a mint-conditioned 1988 NASH skateboard on E-bay
5. Read a story that Barry Manilow declared bankruptcy
6. After being awarded a second degree black belt, I joined Cobra Kai
7. Yelled, "Daniel Larusso is a dead-man for dishonoring my dojo!" and "Put 'em in a bodybag Johnny!"
8. Heard a lady at Subway ask the worker how big the 6" inch sandwich was
9. Talked to a guy who dropped acid and made a stop animation movie about gummie bears fighting a war
10. Read some tips from Wilford Brimley

Monday, June 27, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Had a dream that I co-stared in an after school special with Tiffany Brissette aka Vicky from Small Wonder
2. Celebrated the 7th consecutive year that old people eating soup is my #1 pet-peeve
3. Conducted a blind taste test and found that I prefer the generic version of Lucky Charms over the brand name, however I chose Pepsi over the generic pop (aka: soda, cola, or aka "Coke" by hillbillies)
4. Pissed off a large amout of hillbillies, but won them back by downloading the Dukes of Hazzard ringtone
5. Met a woman at the grocery store who said she was training for a marathon, but I'm pretty sure she meant to say an eatathon
6. Sent in an idea to the Discovery Channel for "Deadliest Catch: Season II" it I told them that in this season, catching crabs is just the beginning. (hookers are not allowed though)
7. Received numerous comments informing me that puntang is not Spanish for pudding (see Sunday's Highlights)
8. Considered what would come after HDTV and trademarked the term "IYFFTV" for "In Your Fuckin' Face TV"
9. Let out a silent fart in the elevator that smelled like mashed potatoes and eggs in a waffle cone
10. Five minutes later, while carrying in groceries, the elevator air was still consumed, I gave some girl who had gotten on before me a disgusted look

Sunday, June 26, 2005

Highlights of my Day

1. Became a millionaire overnight. (see #6)
2. Told my two nephews that puntang meant pudding in Spanish
3. Five minutes later I heard one of them say, "Mom can you get me some puntang?"
4. Nearly pissed my pants
5. Saw this Story posted with a picture which I thought was a before shot...but turns out, I was wrong
6. Some website told me I'm worth $2,335,772! I am worth $2,335,772 on
7. Saw every member of Earth, Wind and Fire walk around the Taste of Chicago and not be recognized
8. Inspired by my readers, I made flyers for an underground pencil-pop and RPS league (rock paper scissors)
9. Had a prophecy to bet it all on black 23 the next time I'm at the boats
10. Avoided yet another shark attack by living in Chicago and not Florida

Don't get 'em while they're hot...SORRY!!!

The 1st T-shirt from BGKG.
Wait! Due to some unanticipated errors, BGKG has been forced to put these shirts on hiadous until further notice. Thanks again for all of the support, and we hope to get the situation rectified ASAP!


Saturday, June 25, 2005

Highlights of My Day

1. Had a great conversation with this guy
2. Continued to question the ethics of the Charmin Ultra "less is more" commercial
3. Received an e-mail from my college roommate in which he swears our other roommate’s fiancé is in the newest Girls Gone Wild movie
4. Witnessed a 7 year-old flick off his mom after she yelled at him for beating up his little brother with one of those floaty noodles at the pool
5. Watched the same 7 year-old continue to beat his brother after his mom went back to talking on her cell phone
6. Sat next to an old guy at the bar during the Cubs game who must have used the phrase "there's more than one way to skin a cat" at least 5 times
7. I considered the outcome had I looked him straight in the eye and said, "oh yeah, name one."
8. Re-lived the days when I reigned as pencil-pop champion of my middle school
9. Finally discovered Stephen Baldwin's worst movie...Fled
10. Satisfied a craving for some Bubble-Yum by taking a shot of Pepto Bismol

Friday, June 24, 2005

Highlights of my Day

1. Considered what becoming famous would do to my personal life
2. Ate the heads of an entire bag of gummie bears, but left the torsos for Jess, we share often
3. Didn't hold the elevator for the old weird lady that lives on the 8th floor
4. Told my grandma that NASA called me for an interview
5. Realized I forgot to eat the bagel I put in the toaster yesturday...ate it
6. Met the two guys who are opening a butcher shop down the street...I told them I was a meat expert
7. Drank two-thirds of a six-pack before the 2nd inning of the Cubs vs. Sox game..4 beers moron
8. Gained 4 pounds due to a burrito from Baja Fresh
9. Lost 5 pounds about two hours later in the bathroom
10. Watched two back to back episodes of What I Like About You...I'm in love with Amanda Bynes

Highlights of My Day

1. Slept in until 11:00 am
2. Managed to watch every judge show there is on TV
3. Daydreamed of taking over Judge Muilan's spot on the People's Court
4. Sent in my resume to the People's Court
5. Brought this months issue of Entrepreneur magazine with me to the pool to make it look like I'm self-employed and not unemployed
6. Felt fairly confident that I could have smoked the 10 year olds at the pool in a game of Marco Polo
7. Felt even more confident that their parents would have thought I was a peterass
8. Left a fart cloud in the elevator
9. Admitted to Jess that I have been secretly watching Dancing with the Stars
10. Regretted telling my sister she was ugly times infinity when I was 9

Thursday, June 23, 2005

Casual Friday

Jimmy the Intern
Ross the Boss

Bob from I.T.